


Love Among the Little Chairs

by StevieAng



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BBW OFC, F/M, Plus-Size, Special education, confident fat babe, overweight OFC, teacher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-19 00:00:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 51,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14224695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StevieAng/pseuds/StevieAng
Summary: A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman.  Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful.  Will they figure out how to find each other?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter of my second work. I was inspired, so I wrote. I have Hayley to thank, for listening, and Bucky and Steve for inspiring me, as always. I hope you enjoy, go along for the ride, and leave lots of constructive comments. I love reading every single one! Enjoy!

 

“Just another morning with little chairs and the little people that occupy them.” Lia whispered as she walked through the toy castles,  box forts, doll houses, and river rafts created by her students. Each creator had asked her, no, begged her, to leave their structures set up on the rug so they could play with them the next day.  She was hesitant, but when her teaching assistant and the Occupational Therapist who worked with her also started begging, she caved. She knew that for her students, these were more than just playthings, they were testaments to new steps on their developmental ladder.

 

Lia’s first love had always been to fight for the underdog.  To stand up for kids and people that weren’t considered “enough” to make the cut - smart enough, able enough, thin enough, pretty enough, rich enough.  She had always been one of them, and she chose to make her career being one of their strongest allies and loudest cheerleaders. Fuck everyone else who didn’t believe in them - she did.  

 

After graduating with a double master’s in special education and communication disorders, Lia set out in the world.  She grew up in a middle-class blue collar family where hard work was required and self-sufficiency was essential for success.  She was thankful that her life wasn’t a “Her family treated her terribly because she was different, and therefore she had less-than-no self-esteem” story.  Her family treated her with love and respect, and helped her grow into a cautiously confident woman who knew what she wanted. Sure, the world was full of assholes with their bullying side comments, rude stares and guffaws, and really hurtful jokes.  Lia knew that her world was better if it was smaller - she started slow when meeting new people, and once they were firmly in her confidence, showed them the full-on sarcastic beauty of her personality, and by then she had a friend and ally for life.  She was always going to have to watch out for the public humiliation fat girls got, but after she figured out a good mix of healthy lifestyle habits she felt “right” in her body. She vowed to try her best to ban negative self-talk and was successful, most of the time.

 

Lia knew today was going to be busy.  All the kids had therapy which she helped to run which left her no time to write the 2 ed plans that were due before the end of the day.   All her students had moderate-to-severe special needs, ranging from physical disabilities that required walkers or wheelchairs, sensory impairments that made her an expert in finding and fixing glasses and hearing aids, and cognitive and learning challenges that made the world harder to understand and navigate.  She loved every single one of them as if they were her own. She’d been blessed to be able to interview and hire an amazing team of support professionals that made her and her students’ lives better (and much more interesting) every day. There was a reason her classroom was used as a model within the district, and this team was it.

 

She snapped pictures of the rug-bound creations to send home and hang in the classroom later.  “You are always taking pictures, lady.” Lia looked up and smiled at Madeleine, her lead OT. Her grad student Madison (who also happened to be her daughter) walked in immediately after, bringing coffee and goodies that made Lia’s mouth water.  As they all took a moment to sit and sip, they were joined in quick succession by the team physical therapist (PT), nurse, and 2 teaching assistants. The adults *almost* outnumbered the kids, but each person was essential to her classroom’s success.  One look at the clock had them quickly preparing for the day and heading out to meet the students. 

 

The day was just about as busy as she predicted, with quite a few laughs (more than tears, so that’s always good).  She had no time for her paperwork, so she ran to the corner sub shop to grab dinner and coffee before settling in for a long night in her classroom.  

  
  


“Hello Ms. Lia” 

 

She startled and giggled as Luke, the night custodian, came in for his rounds.

 

“I’ve been telling you for 5 years that after the kids leave, please call me Lia.”

 

“...and I’ve been telling  _ you _ for 5 years that ain’t gonna happen.  You’re a teacher. My ma would slap me if she heard me call a teacher by their first name.”

 

She sighed, impressed with his civility but a bit frustrated with her lack of progress with his stubbornness.

 

“How were the kids today? They sure were happy when they showed me their mudpies.”

 

Lia grinned.  “Sorry about the mess.  We tried to clean up as much as possible, but a few of the boys got away from us.”

 

“Don’t you ever apologize for those kids.  I’ve told you before, my son’s like them, and he is our gift from God.  Wouldn’t change a single thing about him.”

 

“Well, Mr. Luke, you are our gift.  Thank you for all you do for us - day in and day out.”  He quietly completed his work and bid Lia goodnight on his way next door as she returned her eyes to her computer screen.  She didn’t even turn her head when the door opened soon after.    
  


“I knew you’d be back - you forgot to tell me you’d lock up after me.”  

 

“Sorry, what?” 

 

Lia shrieked as the unexpected voice broke through her single-minded focus.  She turned, ready to defend herself with the prized ceramic mug her class made her for Christmas.

 

“Whoa!  It’s me, don’t shoot!”  The teacher from next door had his hands up, barely covering the big smile on his face.

 

“Jesus, James!  You couldn’t give a girl a warning!  Something? I don’t know - a knock maybe?”

 

His chuckle made her forget her irritation.  “Sorry, I just wanted to know if you wanted anything - I was going out to grab dinner.”  She and James often worked late. Not only did they have neighboring classrooms, his class was the next step for many of her students.  They had first worked together on some administrative special education committee that had eventually netted some grant money for new technology and consultant time, and had gotten along very well since.

 

“No thanks, I knew this was gonna be a late one so I ran out right after the kids left.  How come you’re here? Well, other than there aren’t nearly enough hours in a day.”

 

“Yeah, something like that.  Three ed plans to write, and we’re doing an experiment tomorrow that I want to make sure is completely set up before I leave.  Maddie and Madison helped me with it and the kids are super excited.” Lia smiled at him. He was a wonderful teacher and better, she trusted him with the kids he inherited from her.  

 

“That sounds awesome.  I’d love to hear about it, but if I don’t finish this stuff, I’ll never get home.  I’d like to catch my Thursday show live for once, instead of watching it on demand two weeks later.”  She snorted to herself, knowing how unlikely that was. “Thanks so much for thinking of me, James. That was very kind.”

 

They laughed together at the words they used with the kids all day long to foster empathy.  “You’re welcome. Let me know when you’re leaving. I’ll walk you home or grab a cab with you.”

 

Lia had already shifted her attention back to her work, giving him a half-hearted “sure, thanks” as she tried to regain her momentum and cross at least one thing off her list.  James gently closed the classroom door, and almost bumped into Luke as he made his way out.

 

“She take you up on dinner this time?” The older man’s eyes were smiling as he went about his routine.

 

“No, not tonight.  She’s busy.”

 

“That woman is always busy.  Busy isn’t a reason for you to take ‘no’ for an answer.”

 

“Well, it’s the answer I got tonight, Luke.  I’m gonna run and get dinner, do you want anything?”  As he caught Luke shaking his head, he walked down the steps into the comfortably cool night air, unable to shake a feeling that he couldn’t quite name.   After he got settled back into work, the text alert sounded. Lia and he often texted room-to-room because they knew their plans would be completely derailed if they talked face-to-face.

 

**Lia A:** Thanks for the offer of dinner, that was nice.  Maybe another time?

**JBB:** Of course.  The school year is far from over, I’m sure we’ll have other opportunities.

**Lia A:** You ain’t kidding.  Alright, I’m out for the night.  My brain has officially shut down and no more work can be completed that won’t have to be redone later.  Have a good night.

**JBB:** WAIT

 

James ran out of his classroom and let out an exasperated sigh as  he saw Lia’s darkened room. She’d done this before - texted him as she walked out the door, not letting him walk her home, and he wondered why.  They respected each other, helped each other, even leaned on each other during the inevitably sucky times, but it seemed like every time he even hinted at something outside the work arena, she kindly but firmly declined.  He grabbed his phone.

 

**JBB:** Why did you do that?  I told you I would’ve walked with you.

**Lia A:** I know, but I peeked in and you looked like you were in a groove.  I didn’t want to interrupt that. Plus it’s not far and I always carry my pepper spray and whistle.  I’ll be fine. 

**JBB:** Did anyone ever tell you you’re stubborn?

**Lia A:** Mr. B, I am offended. 

**Lia A:** Sigh. Yes.  In fact, it’s usually you.

**JBB:** Can you just let me know you arrived home safely, then?

**Lia A:** You got it.  Thanks.

 

James quickly packed up his messenger bag, took one last look at the room, and snapped a picture to send to Maddie and Madison, telling them how psyched he was to see what tomorrow brought.  He bid Luke goodnight, and headed home, cheered by the text alert that told him Lia was safely home. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

As Lia puttered in her little apartment, she thought, as usual, about her students.  Oh, who the hell was she kidding, she was also thinking about James. He was so kind, so sweet, so helpful, so…smolderingly sexy.  She had been successfully immunizing herself against James’ more alluring attributes for as long as she’d known him. She knew he was a truly good person - heck, it was rare enough to find male special educators at the elementary level, but to find one as good as he was at his job?  It was like catnip - she found it incredibly hard to resist. It didn’t matter - he wasn’t offering anything that she had to resist. A while back, he told her about a girlfriend back home, or something like that, which had slammed shut the gateway to any hope of him reciprocating her feelings.  

 

Knowing this, she still needed to recite her mantra:  _ “He’s just a friend.  You’re friends and co-workers.  He has a girlfriend.”  _  The mantra didn’t help a lot, particularly when he texted her at unexpected times - sometimes they were goofy, sometimes serious, but always sweet.  It was nice to know someone was looking out for you when you lived alone.

 

**JBB:** Did you catch your show in time?

**Lia A** : Sigh. No.  looks like I’m 0 for 5 this season.  S’alright. More to binge watch this weekend.

**Lia A** : Thanks for checking in - good luck on the lesson tomorrow.  Can’t wait to hear how great it goes!

**JBB:** Welcome and thank you.  I’ll send you some pictures. Night.

 

Lia finished doing all the stuff that would let her sleep as late as possible the next morning and climbed into bed.  She laughed as she tagged her team in an Instagram post and sighed when she saw how soon the alarm would be going off.

 

James finished packing all the stuff he needed to hit the gym before work and smiled as he saw Lia’s Instagram post.  She had all her materials packed up and her clothes and lunch ready to go. The caption turned the smile into something more, “The irresistible life of a preschool teacher.  You know you want it.”

 

“You have no idea,” as he plugged in his phone and let those thoughts lull him to sleep.

 


	2. The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman.  Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful.  Will they figure out how to find each other?
> 
> Pairing: James “Bucky” Barnes x OFC, Steve Rogers x OFC
> 
> Warnings: Fluff, insecurity, swearing - nothing too heavy yet!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many thanks to Hayley, @HMarvels31. The woman is going to school, has serious personal obligations, and finds the time to support me in my writing. She is awesome! Let me know what you think about this chapter. There is definitely more to come! - Steph

 

“So how was it?” James smiled and stood from his desk as Lia appeared in his classroom doorway, bearing a much-needed gift.

“It was amazing.  It took awhile, and thank God Maddie and Madison were with me, but they really got it.  They wanted to keep going after recess. It was so much fun.”

 

As he took and sipped the offered coffee, he couldn’t stop himself from moaning. “Oh my God, you’re the best.  Thank you.”

Lia laughed, “Hey, we’re in this together.”  She stepped around the room, checking out the pictures James had already printed and hung in anticipation of Monday’s lesson, her smile widening as she recognized which of her former students was responsible for the different outcomes.   As she knelt by the projects, gently touching them and leaving little notes of praise “from Ms. A”, James’ eyes followed her, absorbing the passion she radiated, wishing it was directed towards him. He was caught off guard when she turned towards him, and snapped to when she repeated the question he missed the first time. “Sorry?”

 

“You doing anything this weekend? Other than work?”

 

“Nothing exciting, just gonna try to relax, maybe see a movie, hit the gym.  How about you? Any big plans?”

 

He did a double-take when she paused and let out a deep breath.  “Yeah. Well, I don’t know. Maybe.”

 

“C’mon, you can’t leave a guy hanging like that.  What are these mysterious plans that may or may not exist?”  God, he loved it when he made her laugh - it filled him with this weird flipping feeling in his chest that he never wanted to stop.  He couldn’t help but notice she looked a tiny bit shy. Was she blushing?

 

“I have a date.  It’s just a friend-of-a-friend setup thing.  I don’t even know that he considers it a date.  To quote my niece, it could just be “a thing.” She told herself to slow down, breathe between words, or better yet, shut the hell up.  “It’s definitely not a big deal.”

 

James hid his disappointment as well as he could, but thankfully she wasn’t watching him. Lia had told him about dates she’d been on before, with scant details before and almost nothing after, though he’d always notice she was just a bit quieter if it hadn’t been great - or worse, if it had been and she never heard from them again.  He wouldn’t want to embarrass her by asking directly, so he discreetly poked around on her social media (not in the creepy-stalker-shrine way - they followed each other by mutual agreement), and paid attention to the offhand comments she’d make when everyone was making small talk about their lives outside of school. 

 

“That’s great - where are you going?” He listened as she gave a rough sketch of the plan - drinks at a popular local restaurant and maybe dinner if things led that way.  He internally scoffed - she hated stuff like that. She was the most introverted extrovert he’d ever met - outgoing and engaging with close friends but quiet and reserved in new settings.  Once, when they were commiserating with their colleagues about the effect teaching had on their love lives, she’d told him she preferred getting to know people one-on-one, over time. He remembered sitting across from her at a table, friends all around, laughing and drinking, but not remembering anything anyone else said.  It was the first night he wanted to ask her out, to get to know her outside of work, to see if his growing feelings were welcomed.

 

_ Oh shit, he missed what she said again. _

 

“I’m sorry Lia, what was that? I think I drifted for a sec.”  Her warm smile said something he couldn’t quite interpret.

 

“It was nothing important.  Hey, you’re fried. Whaddya say we get outta here?  We cannot be the single people who stay at work late on a Friday night.  I’m not quite ready to be labeled as an old maid. Wanna walk home?” 

 

James nodded and held the door for her as they walked out of the building, Luke smiling slyly at him as they left.  

 

They walked side by side, Lia turning towards James to ask more about his day.  “So, tell me what Jack said when you asked him to put his hands in slime. He was one of the most sensory defensive kids I ever taught.”  

 

Keeping his eyes straight ahead to make sure they didn’t bump into anything (she had a notorious history for knocking into stuff), he softly smiled, “I couldn’t believe it, he did so great.  He has made some progress this year, because with thick dishwashing gloves, he tolerated it for most of the time. I was really proud of him.” He knew she’d beam with that news, and he was right.

 

Lia loved hearing stuff like that, finding it hard to talk while she lost herself in thoughts about how far Jack had come.  “Wow, that is such a great thing to hear. I’m sure his parents did a backflip when they heard that.”

 

“Yeah, just about.  I think they mentioned something about a surprise for him when he got home.”

 

He was surprised when she stopped walking.  “Well, here’s my stop. Thanks for walking with me.  I hope you have a great weekend, James.” Her smile. Good God, her smile.  He almost gasped out loud when she put a hand on his bicep. “Did I ever tell you that you’re a freaking awesome teacher? ‘Cause if not, I am now.”   
  


He blushed.  Honest-to-goodness red spots were burning his cheeks as the thought of enveloping her into a hug flashed through his brain.  “You may have mentioned your deep and abiding admiration for my teaching skill before, but it’s always appreciated. Thanks.”  He looked at her with as much feeling he could muster without actually saying anything.  _ Way to get the girl, fucko.  _

 

Lia thought she must have imagined the momentary look of something different flashing across his face when she touched his arm.  She hadn’t thought about it beforehand, just did it, but when she did, it was nice. She returned his smile with as much feeling as she could safely convey while internally reciting her mantra.

 

_ He’s just a friend.  You’re friends and co-workers.  He has a girlfriend. _

 

“Have a great night, James.  I’ll see you Monday.”

 

“Thanks Lia, have a good one.  Good luck with your date, or your “thing” or whatever you call it.  See you Monday.”

 

As he walked away, his text alert sounded.  He didn’t have to guess. “Let me know when you get home, ok?”

__________________________________________________________________________________   
“Your wardrobe is an advertisement for preschool teachers ‘r’ us.  Do you own anything that isn’t meant to be covered in gunk?” Maddie was over, helping Lia get ready for her date.  It was thanks to her that Lia was in this position to begin with.

 

“Ummmmm, no, I don’t think so.  Look, if that’s a problem, I’ll text him right now and we can cancel.  It’s ok.” She did not let Maddie see the hopeful look on her face, but knew that her attempt to weasel out of tonight was not favorably received.

 

“No.  You are NOT doing this again, Lia.  You never go out and just do something for you.  Your whole life is your students, and that’s not right.  This does not have to be a love connection. Just look at it as a night out, meeting someone nice.  Besides, would I set you up with someone who wasn’t great?”

 

“No, but Mad are you SURE you showed him a picture of me or at least honestly described what I look like?  I really am not in the mood for “the look.”

 

“What look?”  Lia sighed.

 

“You know damn well what I’m talking about.  The “oh, I thought “plus-size” meant Beyonce booty with Ashley Graham boobs, not someone who looks like a bell - or a pear - or whatever other euphemism you can use to describe this.”  Her hand showcased her assets, head-to-toe.

 

“Oh, shut up.  Yes. I showed him your picture.  Several, even. I may have even let him see your Instagram while we were at our meeting the other night.  He’s interested, Lia. Honestly.”

 

“Great, a fetishist.  Probably wants me to smother him or something.”  Now Lia was laughing - from experience. Everyone had their own quirks, but that wasn’t one of hers.

 

“Alright, now I’m getting mad.  I know you’re joking, but c’mon, what have you got to lose?  Don’t answer that. Get dressed. Whooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, I found it.  I found your outfit. You liar - this is gorgeous!!!”

 

Lia was confused until Maddie pulled out a maxi dress she had worn to a friend’s daytime wedding awhile back.  It was a dark peach, soft, flowing, and floor-length, but not fancy. She had actually liked wearing it. “Wow, I forgot about that.  You know, that dress felt great. Ok. Let me see if I have a shawl or jacket to go with it.”

 

After she had been convinced to go a bit heavier than usual on makeup (“You are going to be at the bar of a restaurant at night.  Lipstick alone isn’t going to do.”), Lia put on the dress and noticed a text from her date. Maddie made sure they had shared their contact info in order to set up the day and time, so she could “stay out of it.”   _ Yeah, right. _

 

**Steven Rogers:** Hi Lia, it’s Steve.  Are we still on for tonight? 

**Lia Accorsi:** Hi Steve, yes we are, unless you need to cancel?

**Steven Rogers:** Nope.  I am really looking forward to it.  

**Lia Accorsi** : Ok then, still at 7pm at The Blackington?  

**Steven Rogers:** Yes, I’ll see you then.  Do you know who you’re looking for?

**Lia Accorsi:** Maddie is here.  She just said, “Tall, muscular, blonde, and handsome.”  Good description?

**Steven Rogers:** Ummmmm….I guess? Hard to answer that without sounding conceited.

**Lia Accorsi:** LOL.  You’re right, I put you in a no-win situation and probably embarrassed you.  I’m sorry. Do  _ you _ know who  _ you’re _ looking for?

**Steven Rogers:** Maddie told me you have the biggest most beautiful smile ever (and she showed me a picture, she wasn’t kidding, but I wouldn’t use those words to only describe your smile.).  See you soon.

**Lia Accorsi:** Thanks, that was sweet.  See you soon.

 

Maddie looked closely. “What? What did he say? You actually don’t look miserable for the first time all evening.”  Lia handed her the phone and for the first time since planning the date, she was excited.

 

“See!  I told you!  Ok, say it.” The Cheshire Cat had nothing on that Englishwoman’s smile.

 

After a thorough and complete rolling of her eyes and a dramatically extended sigh, Lia relented.  “Fine. You were right, Madeleine, he seems very nice. You are a wonderful person. You are a glorious friend.  You are a model amongst women in every sense of the word. Happy?”

 

“Very.  Now get your cute butt out this door.  The man of your dreams is waiting.”

 

“Are you going to exit my apartment with me or do you plan on being here when I get back?” The smart ass remarks would never stop - excited or not.

 

“That all depends on whether you think you’ll be bringing company back.”  Her expression suggested that Lia should.

 

“OH MY GOD WOMAN.  STOP. You have got to go home to Jonathan and get some, because one of us should tonight, and it’s not going to be me.”  Both women giggled and poked at each other as they locked up and rode the elevator down.

 

Before she got a cab to the restaurant, Maddie squeezed Lia tight and kissed her.  “Seriously, girl, you deserve a wonderful night. Believe that and just enjoy it. Promise me.”

 

“Yes, my love.  I promise. No matter what happens, thank you for taking better care of me than I do of myself sometimes.”

_________________________________________________________________________________

Lia could not stop yawning.  Yeah, sure, she’d had a busy Saturday, running errands and getting ready, but she was very familiar with this particular phenomenon.  She was a nervous yawner. It wasn’t a well-known condition, but ever since she first sang in public in elementary school, she spent at least an hour before a big event looking like she was about to fall asleep.  It was charming, really. Nothing impressed a date like stifling a yawn every 2 minutes.

 

Putting those thoughts aside, she walked into the restaurant and was met by the hostess.  Once the woman heard Lia’s name, she escorted her to the bar, where she easily spotted her date.  Maddie’s description was not accurate. Steven Rogers was gorgeous. Lia quickly considered turning around and leaving before she said hello, but it was too late.  

 

“Lia?” She had always considered herself decently tall for a woman, but she had to lift her head up to look him in the eyes.  She nodded as they shook hands, “Yes. It’s nice to meet you, Steven.”

 

“Please, call me Steve.  It’s nice to meet you too.  Would you like to sit at the bar or at a table?  They have some available.”

 

“I’d prefer a table, if it’s ok with you.”  She thought she might as well express her opinions now, she had nothing to lose.  He stepped over to the hostess, who quickly grabbed menus and sat them at a lovely table in a quiet corner of the restaurant, away from the foot traffic.  Steve pulled out her chair, which Lia gratefully acknowledged. The hostess inquired about her drink order and immediately looked to Steve to do the same.

 

“Thanks for coming tonight, Lia.  I was really looking forward to meeting you.”

 

“You’re welcome.  It is nice to finally meet the person that Maddie raves about all the time.”  He blushed and looked into his glass, taking a long sip. He was smiling when he looked at her again.

 

“Same here.  I think you should pay her for all the free advertising.  She talks about you every chance she gets.” Lia looked at him with a knowing grin. “No, seriously, it’s all good.  She loves you.”

 

“I love her, too.  We’ve worked together a long time.  She’s like a sister to me, and I wouldn’t know what to do without her.”  Lia excused herself when her text alert sounded. She laughed - maybe a little too loudly.

 

“Speak of the devil.  She says, “You two better not forget to tell each other how wonderful I am.  Then, don’t say my name for the rest of the night. Tell him!” Lia did what she was told, and turned her phone on silent as Steve chuckled.  God, even his laugh was sexy.

 

After an hour of drinks and breadsticks, Lia asked if it was alright if they ordered dinner.  “I’m such a lightweight when it comes to drinking, I’ll need help getting home if I don’t have something to eat.  Are you hungry?”

 

“Thank goodness.  I was just about to suggest the same thing.  I’m starving.”

 

Dinner was delicious and while the server cleared their dishes and Steve had excused himself for a moment, Lia finally looked at her phone, surprised to see how late it was and that she had a message from James.

 

**JBB:** Hope you’re having fun, L.  Let me know if you need some help getting rid of him or beating him up if he isn’t good enough for you.

**Lia A:** We’re having a very nice time, J. Thanks, though. I’ll definitely call you if extra muscle is required.

 

James felt like someone had kicked him.  Hard. She was having a nice time. She deserved to have a nice time. He had no right to feel this way.

 

Lia was smiling when Steve returned to the table.  “What did I miss?”

 

“Oh, nothing.  A teacher I work with sent me a text, hoping we were having a good time.  I told him it’s been a very nice night.” Lia was surprised when Steve looked her in the eye, leaned forward, and put his huge hand over hers on the table.

 

“I would agree.  In fact, I would say it’s the best date I’ve had in a long time.  Thank you, Lia. Would it be ok if I walked you home? It’s pretty late.”

 

“Thanks, Steve, but it’s a bit far for me to walk.  I’ll grab a cab. Do you want to share? Where are you headed?”  

 

After determining they lived in opposite directions and splitting the bill (at Lia’s insistence), Steve pulled out her chair and helped her put on her shawl.  She shivered when his hands lingered on her shoulders for a fraction of a second longer than they needed to. Not that she was complaining. They waded through awkward silence and unsure physicality while waiting for their rides, and suddenly Lia started to laugh.  Steve looked confused, as any normal human being would.

 

“I’m sorry, I really suck at awkward silences.  I just remembered some of my greatest hits in my repertoire of awful, horrible, silence-filling stories.”

 

She was glad to see he smiled.  “Well, now I’m intrigued. Care to share?”  Thankfully, Lia’s Uber pulled up as he asked.  

 

“Oh thank goodness, saved from completely tanking the night with my cringe-worthy tales of woe.  ‘Night Steve, I had a great time.” She kissed him on the cheek and as she pulled away, he gently took both her hands.

 

“So did I, Lia.  I’d really like to see you again.  Can I call you?” Lia smiled and nodded.

 

As she got into the car and drove away, Steve’s phone buzzed and he smiled as he read her text. 

 

**Lia Accorsi:** You better.  Have a good night, Steve.  

**Steven Rogers:**  You too, Lia.  I’ll be in touch.

 

She sighed as she leaned back against the seat.  It really had been a very nice night, with funny, attentive, and smart company.  She let herself into the apartment and knew this meant she was never going to hear the end of it from Maddie.  She’d deal with that tomorrow. She was surprised she hadn’t received a “you home safe?” text from James, which made her chest tighten a bit,  but the thought of Steve’s hand on hers helped relieve that. Just as that thought started to evaporate, she saw a message.

 

**Steven Rogers:** I had a very nice time tonight, Lia.  It was a pleasure meeting you. I just wanted to make sure you arrived home safely.

**Lia Accorsi:**  Likewise, Steve, and yes, I’m home safely.  Doors all locked and bolted. Have a good night.

James downed his third beer since hearing back from Lia.  He knew he had no right to feel like someone had kicked him in the gut, but he did.  He thought about texting Lia again, just to make sure she got home safely, but what if he was with her? What if…..ugh, he could not bring himself to think of Lia kissing someone else, being with someone else, when he…..  _ When he what, exactly? When he was her friend, someone she thought of as a colleague and work-husband (her words, not his), and to whom he had never shown anything more than friendly feelings? _  James congratulated himself on this brilliant relationship strategy by going to bed and tossing and turning for hours, finally getting up and going for a run before the sun had barely risen.  He knew he had to do something or he would be forced to get over her. Soon.


	3. Walks in the Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman. Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful. Will they figure out how to find each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to all of you who have taken the time to read, like, and comment on this story. I've had a blast writing it! Again, thanks to @HMarvels31 for being so supportive and everything in the face of tremendous life obligations - thank you sweetie! I would love it if you would let me know what you think - your time is always appreciated. Happy reading - STEPH :)

Her obnoxious ringtone made Lia bolt out of bed, fearing it was a work day and that she had overslept.  She grabbed the phone and groaned when she saw the Caller ID.

 

“Good morning Madeleine.”

 

The laughing and singing she heard at the other end did nothing to improve Lia’s mood.  “Good mooooooooooorning! I could not wait another minute to hear about last night and what a romantic genius I am.”

 

Lia chuckled.  She was lucky to have Maddie in her life, but she knew that came with a side of drama.  “I had a very good time, oh doyenne of the dating world.”

 

“You’re welcome, and that’s not nearly enough detail.  Spill.”

 

Lia begged her to let her go back to sleep, or at least make some coffee before going through the English Inquisition.  They made plans to talk in a while, and as soon as she started the coffee and fell back into bed, the phone buzzed.

 

“OH MY GOD, what part of “a while” does this woman not understand?” Lia opened one eye and sat straight up in bed.

 

**Steve Rogers:** Good morning Lia.  I hope I’m not texting too early, but I wanted to tell you what a nice time I had last night.  I was hoping we could go for a walk or something today, the weather is supposed to be beautiful.

 

Lia was confident.  She loved herself and knew she was a good person, but this had her stunned - not because it was her, but because he was thoughtful enough to reach out the next day.  No obliquely-worded text sent a week later that confirmed that he was, in fact, not interested.

 

**Lia Accorsi:** Good morning Steve.  If Maddie hadn’t called me and woke me up 10 minutes ago it would’ve been too early, but I’m up now, so no.

**Steven Rogers** : Why do you think I’m up this early?  She was gracious enough to wake me up, too.  She has way too much energy.

**Lia Accorsi:** Another thing on which we wholeheartedly agree.  Must be all the tea and Cadbury Flake.

**Steven Rogers** : So, are you busy today?  Would you like to hang out, spend some time outside?  It already looks like a beautiful day. You can meet my dog.

**Lia Accorsi** : Whoa, Steve.  I think you’re going a bit too fast - already introducing me to your dog?  Wow.

**Steven Rogers:** You are really good at deflecting.

**Lia Accorsi** : You just met me, you have no idea how good I am at it.  Just talk to Maddie, she could tell you stories. Wait, on second thought, don’t bc she can tell you stories.

**Lia Accorsi** : To answer your questions, I need to check where I am with my planning for school for the week.  I usually meet up with my friend who teaches in the neighboring classroom for a weekly planning session, so let me check with him, look at my plan book, and get back to you in an hour or so?  Would that be alright?

**Steven Rogers:** Oh sure, of course.  Have a good morning. Text me later and we’ll see what we see.

**Lia Accorsi** : Got it.  Thanks

* * *

**Lia A** : Good morning gym rat :) How was your run this morning?

 

She was spoiled.  James almost always answered her texts immediately, so when 15 minutes went by without hearing from him, she started to get nervous.

 

**Lia A** : James?  You ok? I wanted to ask you if we’re meeting to plan today.  We’ve got portfolio assessments to think about….

 

After another 15 minutes with no response, Lia pulled on her jeans, sweater, and baseball cap and quickly made her way to James’ apartment, where they had spent many late nights working.  Her heart was beating fast and her stomach was in knots. What if he was hurt? She pressed his buzzer insistently.

 

“Hello??”  The voice did not sound like James.  It sounded like someone who was hungover or sick.

 

“James? It’s Lia.  Are you ok? Can I come up?”

 

“Lia? What time is it?  What’s going on? Are you alright?  Nevermind, come up.” He buzzed her in and she tapped her foot while waiting for the elevator.

 

His head poked out his door and scanned the hallway.  Though she wanted to yell to him from relief, Lia was proud of herself when she remembered most adults were still sleeping at this hour, so that would not be appreciated.  She reached his door and looked him up and down, not registering all the details. 

 

“Lia what the….”

 

“Are you ok? I tried texting you twice and I didn’t hear anything and I started imagining really bad scenarios that you were hurt or incapacitated in some way, even though I had no evidence to support that….What?” He was softly smiling.

 

“You are such a goof.  I’m fine. Do you want to come in?”  He opened the door to his apartment and waved her in.

 

“Ok, you’re fine, so no, I don’t need to come in.  I’m sorry J, I just got so worried. Oh my God….”

 

He turned away from the coffee pot to face her. “What?”

 

“James, I am such an ass.  I didn’t even consider your girlfriend might be here or….”

 

“What girlfriend?”

 

“Your girlfriend - the one you told me about.”

 

“Yeah, like a year ago.  I haven’t had a steady girlfriend since.  Just a work wife.” They both laughed and Lia felt incredibly stupid and now, embarrassed.

 

“I’m so sorry James.  Good thing we’ve been friends for such a long time and you know what a spaz I am.” She gratefully accepted the coffee cup he offered, but couldn’t look at him.  She felt like such an idiot. He hadn’t let go of the cup and his hand was still on hers, his flesh hand. He didn’t sleep with his prosthetic left arm, and this was the first time she had seen him without it.  

 

“Li, it’s fine.  Thank you for thinking about me.  I appreciate it, but I’m fine, I just slept in this morning, it was a late night.”  Lia blew out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.  _ What the hell was she thinking?  He had a life, too.  _ She stood up as her phone buzzed.  Maddie. She quickly texted her back saying she was going to hop in the shower but she’d call in a bit, and then texted Steve with a similar message (minus the showering part).  She drained the coffee cup and stood up to go.

 

“Thank you for the coffee and for tolerating my hysteria, J.  I’m gonna go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Li, for the last time, don’t worry about it.  You don’t have to go. What about planning? Don’t we need to start on the portfolios?”

 

“I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one day.  I think I need to go home and go back to bed and start over.  We’ve got time - maybe one night this week?” She turned back to him and smiled before going.  James knew there was no changing her mind once she was in this place, so he smiled back and touched his fingertips to her back as she walked towards the elevator.  

 

Lia walked back home, mortified.  She texted Steve that she wasn’t up to going out today - she was buried with lesson plans, work, blah blah blah.  She crossed her fingers he believed her as she pressed “send.” She tried desperately to not reflect too much on the morning.   _ What a dumbass she was. _

 

Oh, and what the fuck?  He hasn’t had a girlfriend in A FREAKING YEAR??? Yeah, nothing like a little world-shifting perspective change to make your Sunday great.  After eating breakfast and flipping through Netflix, she looked half-heartedly at her lesson plan book and praised herself for making sure the next day’s lessons were taken care of.  She needed to get out of her head  _ and _ her home for awhile.

______________________________________________________________________________

Steve was confused.  What happened? When he first texted Lia she seemed happy, excited.  Then he got that abrupt message shutting down any possibility of seeing each other today.  Was it him? Something he said? Maybe he was moving too fast, or maybe he had read her wrong and she wasn’t interested?  He could easily text Madeleine, but that didn’t seem right - this was between him and Lia, no one else. He decided not to press and stick with his original plan - spend the day outside.  There was always a pickup basketball game going on at the nearby courts and he knew it would help him from overthinking things.

 

James could not stop thinking about Lia.  He felt hollow after she left, but hopeful because it was clear she was working under some very big misconceptions about his availability.  Of course she would never even think about him in a romantic way if she thought he was already in a relationship, she respected boundaries too much.  He couldn’t help but feel a buzz throughout his body when he thought about how, finally, maybe….. He decided to get out and enjoy the beautiful day. After all, this didn’t change anything - yet.  After attaching his prosthesis and making sure he had his phone, wallet, and keys, he headed out with no destination in mind.

 

Lia congratulated herself on the decision to get outside.  The day was absolutely gorgeous and being in the sun was having the desired effect.   _ Goddamned Vitamin D, they should bottle that.  Oh wait, they do.  _ She took it daily, but it never made her feel like this.  She walked without purpose, stopping at the park and trying to read while covertly watching the people passing by.  At one point, a young Dad and his baby sat next to her and Lia could not resist asking if it would be ok if she talked to his little one.  She was proud to be a Baby Whisperer. She had “the touch” to make almost any baby smile (though it was probably her glasses - babies love glasses) and she melted when they did.  They were just little blobs of clay with their entire lives ahead of them. Their potential and possibilities were endless.  _ Yup, she’s a hopeless romantic. _

 

James stopped in his tracks.  He was going nuts, truly losing it.  He could’ve sworn he heard Lia’s voice, but he didn’t see her, so clearly his mind was degenerating into a fugue state.  He smiled and kept walking, taking his hat off and letting the sun work its magic. He stopped at the popcorn vendor and grabbed a big bag and a hot dog and looked for a bench.  As he ate he whipped his head around - there it was again, her voice but more - her laugh. There was no mistaking Lia’s laugh - it was big and loud and energetic and came straight from her heart.  It was a gift when he heard it. He shook the cobwebs out of his head and focused on his popcorn and the birds who had suddenly decided that he was their best friend. A little guy and his sister were nearby and started creeping towards him - clearly afraid of the unpredictable movements of the birds - but drawn to the vibrant chorus of movement and sound they produced.  Their parents were right behind them and James looked at them with questioning eyebrows as he held up his popcorn and nodded towards the birds. The Mom smiled and mouthed “Sure!” and bent down to tell the kids of his invitation.

 

“Can we help?” the little boy was clearly the most interested.  His sister was staring at his arm in a quiet but unflinching way.  Her mother was trying to deflect her attention, but James again made eye contact, nodded, and mouthed that it was ok.  

 

“Sure, buddy.  What’s your name?”  As the little guy shared his, his sister’s, his parents’, and his pets’ names and address, James held out the bag of popcorn and showed him how the birds would leap if he threw the kernels in the air, and fight each other if he threw them on the ground. 

 

“What’s your name?  What’s wrong with your arm?”  James wasn’t embarrassed, curiosity was completely natural.

 

“My name’s James, but my friends call me Bucky.  Nice to meet you.” The little boy solemnly shook his flesh hand and pointed to his prosthetic.

 

“I think your sister may have questions too, wanna ask her if she wants to come over?”  He pulled his big sister over, “Come and see - he said it was fine!” After introducing himself to the girl and their parents (and getting their permission to share the “G” rated version), he told the story he’d recited at the start of each new school year, each class, and each time he met someone new.

 

“I learned to ride a motorcycle in high school.  It was really cool and exciting, but one night I didn’t listen to what my parents said and I went for a ride in the rain.  My motorcycle slipped on the road and I hurt my arm very badly. I was in the hospital for a long time, learning how to do everything I always did, but with one arm instead of two.  After awhile, my doctor said I could get a new arm, which is called a prosthesis.” He slowly ran his flesh hand over the seam where his real and artificial arm met, watching their eyes move as he did.  “It took me a long time to learn, but now I can do everything I want and it helps me meet new people like you guys.” 

 

The kids had questions, of course - did it hurt, could he feel things with the “fake” hand, did people get scared, what happened if he forgot it at home (that was a relatively new one that made all the adults laugh), and he answered them all, getting their parents approval beforehand.  After the questions were answered and the popcorn was gone, they stood up, wished each other a good day, and said goodbye. When James turned towards the bench to pick up his jacket, Lia was there, with happy tears in her eyes.

 

“Um, hi.  What are you doing here?”

 

“My day started on shaky footing.  I embarrassed myself pretty badly in front of one of my best friends.  My plans are done for tomorrow, so I decided to get out of the house, get some sun, and try not to revisit this morning’s scene over and over in my mind.  I was playing with a baby over there when I heard this very familiar voice and as I started walking over, I heard one of my favorite stories of all time. It makes me cry each time I hear it, because it means our students have a teacher who’s faced real challenge, and that means no one will fight harder for them than him.”

 

She quickly wiped the tears away from her eyes, and looked up.  “I didn’t mean to stalk. I just love that story, and the way you say it and answer questions - it teaches tolerance with every telling.”  One more sniff, and she turned, ready to walk away.

 

“Wait, Lia.  You don’t have to go.  Take a walk with me. I want to hear how you just happened to find yourself playing with a baby, yet again.”  Her words touched the deepest parts of him and he was sure she could see the outline of his heart pounding under his henley, hear his feelings under his laugh. 

 

She shook her head, “No thanks, this is the second time today I’ve intruded into your life, and it’s bad enough I do it at work.  I need to make some calls, do all the fun stuff that the week necessitates - laundry, cooking, paying bills. You know me, when I have stuff to do I can’t relax until it’s done.  Thanks, though.” She hugged him and whispered, “Thank you for being you,” smiled, and walked away.

 

Holy shit.  James practically fell backwards onto the bench, having a hard time breathing since she took all his air with her when she left.  There was no doubt in his mind or his heart of how he felt.  _ You are in such trouble.   _

 

Lia was still tearing up when she got back home.   _ Must be PMS or something _ .  Oh well, emotion is fine if it doesn’t get too out of control.  She came close when she saw James talking to that boy and girl, gently walking through the story of one of the most traumatic events of his life.  What she didn’t say to him - what was REALLY her favorite part of the story - was the way he never showed embarrassment or a lack of confidence because of his physical difference.  It struck a chord with her - he never hid, never tried to cover up his prosthetic. It was just part of him, and he let others decide how they felt about it and whatever the outcome, it was ok with him.  It made her heart melt.  _ How cliche - geez, get some original material already.  _

 

Her thoughts were interrupted by several text messages from Maddie, all angrily demanding Lia call her.  Sigh.  _ Ok, time to pay the piper.  _  From the moment they connected until a full hour later when they hung up, Maddie did Maddie.  She was loving, tough, supportive, and hilarious. She helped Lia work through the James debacle and pushed her to text Steve, just to make sure they were ok.

 

**Lia Accorsi:** Hi Steve, I owe you an apology.

**Steven Rogers:** No you don’t.  Everything ok?

**Lia Accorsi:** Yes, pretty much.  I just wanted to say I’m sorry for texting you so abruptly earlier and not explaining what was going on.  It was a situation with a good friend of mine that I thought was serious, but turned out to be fine. All is well, all is good - it just left me embarrassed.  But since that’s a daily occurrence, I’ll get over it.

**Steven Rogers** : I’m sorry that happened to you and your friend.  TBH I was confused. I thought I might have misread how you felt after last night, that maybe asking to see you today was pushing things faster than you were comfortable with.

**Lia Accorsi:** TBH in return, I was surprised you wanted to get together again so soon.  It’s not that it’s too fast, I’m just not used to guys being so thoughtful and actually doing what they say they’re going to.  It’s a very welcome change.

**Steven Rogers:** Ok, well since it’s not me, I’m going to go out on a limb here…..

**Lia Accorsi:** I don’t jump out of planes, eat sushi, or watch horror movies - if we’re going for honesty.

**Steven Rogers:** That’s quite a list.  I’ll try to commit it to memory.  Nope, wasn’t going to suggest any of those.  I’m wondering if you’d still like to meet up for a walk.  The temp’s gone down, but we’ve got at least 2 hours of daylight left.

**Lia Accorsi:** Sure.  That sounds nice.  Be prepared, though.  No dress, no makeup, and full-on Sunday hair.  This will be make or break, believe me.

**Steven Rogers:** ROTFL.  I’m not worried.  If you’ve still got that smile, that’s all I need.

 

After figuring out where and when, Lia fed her fish Kinsey, and checked her bag for pepper spray, whistle, keys, wallet, and phone.  She headed out again and found herself smiling at the prospect of seeing Steve. They had just met but she’d have to guard her heart carefully - if he kept this up she could fall hard for him without any effort.  

 

Steve stood at their designated meeting place a few minutes ahead of schedule.  His feet were nervously tapping against the sidewalk, and his hands in his pockets.  His thoughts were where they’d been since last night. Lia was funny, smart, honest, and most of all, real - which he found sexier than anything else, though he  _ was _ immediately attracted to her figure.  Maddie had been right, she was wonderful, but it had taken months of hinting and cajoling to convince her to set them up.  She resisted, telling him honestly that she would not let anyone hurt Lia if she could help it. She showed him pictures, let him see her Instagram, and told him a lot of stuff meant to scare him off.  It didn’t.

 

He’d been on more first and second dates than he cared to remember, but none of them stuck with him the same night or the next day as much as his date with Lia had.  He knew she was insecure about her weight, but honestly, the thought of holding tight to those curves was already preoccupying his thoughts. 

 

“Earth to Steve?” He laughed when it seemed she appeared out of nowhere beside him.

 

“Sorry, zoned out.  How are you?” Her smile was even better in the daytime.  

 

“Good. You?”  He held out his arm. “Would you care to join me?”   _ Wow.  Her smile was good but her laugh was amazing. _

 

She smirked and tentatively linked her right arm with his left while they walked for a bit, amicably chatting about anything and everything.   She learned he was close with his parents, had sisters and brothers who had children, was a veteran who had served in Afghanistan, and now worked as a civil engineer.   She always loved listening to people talk about their passions - it was a foolproof way to figure out if there was a spark, a basis for more.

 

Steve found it odd to be talking so much, but Lia asked so many great questions that it didn’t seem at all awkward.  As the sun started to dip, he realized he had monopolized the conversation and she hadn’t talked about herself at all.

 

He unlinked their arms and turned towards her, nonchalantly taking his hands in hers. “Lia, I’m sorry.  I just realized I spent the entire afternoon monologuing and you haven’t been able to get a word in edgewise.  My mom would definitely smack me in the back of the head for that.”

 

She laughed, but not quite as loudly as before. “Then my plan worked.” She explained why hearing people tell their own story enthralled her.  “If I am just as eager to hear more when they stop as when they started, it’s a good sign.”

 

His voice seemed to drop as he turned towards her.  To add to the movie-quality ambience, the setting sun produced pink streaks across the sky as his hands found hers.  “A good sign of what?” 

 

Lia cleared her throat and looked away, nervousness rumbling in her stomach.  She turned towards the water and gently untangled their fingers, putting both hands on the nearby railing.  “I find it’s a good indicator of potential.”  _ God, try a little harder to sound like an academic know-it-all.  A+, dumbass. _

 

“And how did I fare?”

 

Steve wanted to see her face, because he was sure it showed the truth, more than what she said.  He stepped beside her, leaned forward on the railing, and turned his face to her, his eyes at her level.  She turned her head left and he got what he wanted - the perfect view to see that she was hesitant and unsure about how to answer.  He gently let his right arm touch her left, and though she didn’t move, he didn’t go any further. He heard her inhale and carefully choose her words.

 

“I’d say you fared well.  I’d give you a solid B+.” She laughed as she saw his face full of mock dismay.

 

“I guess it’s something to work with.  Any chance of improving my grade?” He would say anything if it kept her laughing.  

 

She looked towards the water and nodded, wondering how far he was willing to take this.  “Definitely, though you  _ can _ get extra credit by doing homework.”  

 

His head hung lower as he laughed.  Her knees turned to jelly when he turned to her and said, “I’ll do whatever it takes.”


	4. Mondays Can Be Good, Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman. Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful. Will they figure out how to find each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, do I ever owe @HMarvels31 for another bang-up beta job. I hope you're liking this series so far. I read every single comment a bunch of times, and sigh with happiness every time I do, so thank you for making my day better with every word. I really appreciate the time it takes to write the comments. Hope you enjoy and see you soon for Chapter 5!

Why did Mondays come so fast and last so long?  Lia asked herself this question every single week and knew, deep down in her soul, that if she came up with some kind of answer, she’d win the Nobel Prize.  Since she hadn’t crossed that one off her to-do list yet, up she got, mostly ready to face the world. The little inspirational sticky notes she left for herself made her smile, at least.

 

“Sammie’s smile and how much she loves her hug and high five.”

 

“Terrell crying when he gets off the bus to laughing when he sees the class.”

 

“Your most social weekend in recent memory with a really cute guy who happens to be sweet.”

 

After their long walk and talk, she had insisted on buying Steve a drink.  She didn’t love bars, but figured Sunday nights after football season ended wasn’t going to be super busy, so she took a chance and it paid off - the local one was empty.  She sipped tomato juice while he drank his beer and they worked through a basket of pretzels. He insisted on walking her home and asked if he could hug her goodbye at the front door.  She agreed ( _ duh?!? Really? Was that a question? _ ) and noticed how good he smelled, how strong his arms felt around her.  She pulled away maybe a bit too quickly, clearly surprising him, but she wasn’t ready for more.  She appreciated his respect of her wishes.

 

Back to reality.  Monday. As she drank her very small cup of coffee and checked her personal email before she left for work, she was surprised to see a message from James.  He rarely sent email to her home account. After reading it, she was laughing so hard she almost spilled what was left of her drink. She could not wait to see him and ask if his story about the popcorn and the birds after she left him in the park was true.  Just thinking about seeing him made going to work that much better, and replaying that scene in the park squeezed her heart in a weird way. She was so lucky to have him in her life.

 

“Gooooooooooood morning Lia, how are you today?”  Lia couldn’t help but laugh as she heard Maddie’s sing-song voice greeting her as she walked through the classroom door.   Madison was also smiling wickedly as she trailed in behind her. Lia wondered what they thought they knew.

 

“I’m good, thank you, and how are you?”  She waited, knowing the Maddie the Matchmaker show was about to begin.

 

“Ladies and….gentlemen,” she turned, seeing James arrive and pulled him in.  His forced smile gave away how hesitant he was to get drawn into this circus.  Lia didn’t blame him.

 

“May I introduce you to a woman who went on not one, but two successful dates this weekend and lived to tell the tale - our fearless team leader, Lia Accorsi!”  Lia’s face was as red as it could possibly get before leading to some kind of stroke. She looked at James, ready to share a pained look, but his face was like a mask.  She stared, her gaze broken by the first bell ringing, alerting her to stand and walk away. For the first time in recent memory, she wanted to stay there, stay with him, ask what was wrong.  

 

“Madison, can you and Maddie cover bus duty for James and I this morning?  I have to talk to him before the kids get in.” As Lia knew would happen, the young lady smiled, nodded, and ran out for hugs and high fives.  She grabbed her Mom, surprised look and all, and whispered to her as they got their coats on.

 

“James.  What’s going on?  You ok?” He looked up, but didn’t smile.  Lia felt sick.

 

“Yeah, of course.  We have bus duty, just getting my gloves back on.”  Lia put her hand over his flesh arm.

 

“No, Batman and Robin are covering for us.  They owe me.” His sigh made her stomach turn, again.

 

“I’m fine, Li, just a weird morning.  I usually like to have some quiet before the day, rather than getting pulled into a cabaret act.”  _ Or reminded that you went on not one, but two dates with a guy this weekend who wasn’t me and I’m so scared I can’t catch my breath. _

 

Lia looked at him with such seriousness, James had to sit.  “I’m really sorry about that, James. I’ll talk to Maddie about toning it down in the morning.  Not everyone wants to be in the spotlight.” When he was silent, she walked back to her room. He got a text from her as he was turning his phone to silent.  

 

**Lia A** : I’m sorry. I hope your day improves. 

**JBB:** we’re good, it already has.

 

Lia wanted to cry.  She felt all wrong and hot and weird - like when her mother forced her to wear those obscenely itchy wool sweaters.  Then, she would just take it off when she got to school and hope she remembered to put it back on by the time she got back home.  Now, there was nothing to take off, nothing to put on, she just had to sit with it.

 

Madison got her attention as she brought one of the students in the room.  “There she is, Terrell! Show her!” Lia automatically shifted to excited teacher mode, and bent in front of the little boy looking up with a huge smile.  

 

“Morning bud!  Wait...is that what I think it is?”  Her eyes were wide and her voice implied a shared secret.  She closed the gap between them, making it impossible for anyone else but her to see what he held.

 

Terrell’s tiny peal of laughter made everyone curious, but Lia had a degree in teacher theatrics, and she refused to let anyone else butt in.  She grabbed some lightweight rolling dividers and made a barricade for the both of them, so he could share his treasure with her privately. He lifted his hand from his walker and dug around in the basket affixed to the front.

 

“Ms. A, close your eyes!” Lia sat on the floor, closer to eye-to-eye than before, and screwed her eyes shut so hard she saw spots floating behind them.  She waited to hear the tiny “plop” of the small, hard, object as it fell into her open hands.

 

“Can I look T?  Please, can I look?  I don’t know if I can make my eyes stay shut any longer!”  

 

“Not yet.  Everyone, c’mere!”  Lia heard him pushing his walker into the dividers and rolling them away.  She knew at least 3 adults were helping him, and getting the other kids in a circle around her.  She finally heard the stage whisper she was waiting for.

 

“Ok, Ms. A, open!”  Lia opened her eyes wide and stared into her hand.  She almost bawled right then and there, no acting necessary.  Waiting for her in her open palms was the most perfect small rock she’d seen in a long time.  As she opened her mouth to gush gratitude, she was cut off by the little man himself.

 

“Lift it up!  Look at its shape!” Lia wasn’t expecting what she saw upon inspection.  It was a heart. A beautiful, heart-shaped rock. Her eyes filled. She often showed the students her “heart rock” collection, started by other students, and added to by everyone close to her over the years.  Written on each was something that helped her remember where she got it - a date, a place, a person’s name - and she saved every single one.

 

Lia hugged Terrell as tightly as she could without squeezing the stuffing out of him, and thanked him as she escorted him to her desk, where she and he wrote his initials and the date on the rock and put it in a special place.  They would mount it with her collection later. If people could emit actual light from their faces, the entire school would be glowing, between the two of them.

 

Now, the day felt right.  Now,  _ she _ felt right.  

 

“Alright guys, I think we gotta journal about this morning.  It was too special not to.” Plans be damned, it was opportunities like this that made memories.

 

After a day filled with hugs and smiles between her and Terrell and a special cooking class that netted some yummy treats, Lia flopped down on a bean bag chair and closed her eyes.  She didn’t sleep, just breathed deeply. These were the days that reaffirmed she was doing the right thing with her life. They helped her get through the hard ones. She heard her text alert and stood up to grab the phone from her desk.

 

**Steven Rogers:** Hi Lia.  I hope I’m not interrupting anything, just had a break and thought I would say hi, see how your day is going.

**Lia Accorsi** : Hi Steve.  Students just left, so I am exhausted but elated from a great day.  How about you - how’s your day going?

**Steven Rogers:** Good, thanks.  I was hoping we could talk tonight?  I had a couple of questions and it’s just easier voice-to-voice.  I understand if you’re too tired, though. I can’t imagine doing what you do.

**Lia Accorsi** : Well I was going to stay late, but honestly, I’m too damn tired.  Someone kept me out late last night. ;)

**Steven Rogers** : What a moron.  Didn’t he know you had to work today?

**Lia Accorsi:**  Guess he forgot.  You know, guy amnesia - they forget about anything not related to them.

**Steven Rogers** : Seems quite the condemnation.  Now I feel bad for the guy.

**Lia Accorsi:** Me too.

**Steven Rogers:** Bad enough to talk to me tonight?  Ok wait, that doesn’t sound right.

**Lia Accorsi** : I think I can manage a phone call. :)  I’m gonna head home - what time do you get done with work?  Call me after? FYI, another thing that adds to my allure? I’m usually asleep by 10pm the latest.

**Steven Rogers:** I’ll call you later, then….and that thought does add to your allure, though the quotient was already pretty high.

**Lia Accorsi:** Smoooooooooooooooooooth.  Ok. Hope the rest of your day goes well.

 

She leaned back in her chair, stared up at the ceiling, and smiled.  When James walked by and looked into her class, he saw Lia smiling, her phone laying on her chest.  He was going to do it. He was going to ask her to have dinner with him and not take no for an answer.  He’d tell her that he wanted to talk about this morning and what was really going on with him. That’d convince her.  He took a breath and got ready to turn the knob when he saw her yawn, rub her eyes, and grab her coat and bags. James sprinted back to his classroom before she could see him lurking, and quietly watched her lock up, shut off the light, and walk out the front entrance.    _ So much for that brief moment of courage. _ He hoped he didn’t just see his last chance with her walk out the door.

 

Lia’s key turned in the lock as her phone vibrated from within her backpack.  She was pretty sure it’d be James, but for some reason, that made her feel out of sorts again.  She was a bit ashamed when she didn’t look, instead choosing to take a hot shower and eat cereal for dinner while for once watching live prime time television and waiting for Steve’s call.  She had forgotten about the text, and didn’t hear anything else until she got up from the couch and realized her phone had been on silent. Yikes. 

 

(2 hours ago)

**JBB:** Hey Li, just wanted to check in.  It felt weird with us today and that is not a feeling I like.

 

She clearly hadn’t spoiled him with quick responses - his next message was a full hour later.  Lia looked at the clock and sighed. It was getting late and he was always up early for the gym.  She didn’t want to wake him.

 

**JBB:** I can’t believe I’m asking this question, but are you upset with me?  Are you ok?

 

She didn’t want him to think she was ignoring him - the thought never crossed her mind.  She wasn’t mad, just felt off, for some reason. She turned off silent mode and started typing.

 

**Lia A:** Hey James.  Sorry I didn’t respond sooner, apparently my phone has been on silent since I left school, and I got distracted by live television - did you know that’s a thing? :)  I’m fine, thanks for checking.

 

She pressed send and tilted her head as she heard a text alert at the same time.  She looked at her screen which did not alert her to any new messages. Must’ve been the TV.

 

**JBB:** Thanks for responding, I was worried about you.

**Lia A:** Thanks for thinking of me.  I really appreciate it.

 

Another text alert tone sounded at the same time she pressed send, but she still couldn’t locate its source.  She jumped at a knock at the door. She never had unexpected visitors. She put on her bathrobe, pulled her hair up in a ponytail, and looked through her peephole.

 

There was James, standing in her hallway.

 

Lia wrenched the door open as fast as she could unlock all the bolts and stood there in shock as he looked at her with a tired and struggling expression.

 

“Is there such a thing as reverse deja-vu?” he asked, with a small smile, not nearly wide enough to crinkle his eyes and light up his face.   _ That _ was her favorite smile.

 

“I guess so.  I can only guess you’re here because it’s your turn to think I was incapacitated or kidnapped?” She smiled, but it wasn’t nearly big enough to make her cheeks push her glasses up just a little bit on her nose.   _ That _ was his favorite smile.

 

“Yeah, visions of broken legs and finding you on the bathroom floor were dancing in my head.”  _ With no clothes on, dripping wet and needing me. Oh Jesus Christ man, get a grip. _

 

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t need Life Alert just yet.” A small laugh was better than none.  At least she wasn’t mad. “Can you come in? Want something to drink?” She got him a bottle of water and offered him a spot on the couch.  She sat nearby in a chair, which felt weird.  _ Fuck it.  Nothing’s changed between us, if this was last week, I’d be sitting right next to him. _  She pretended to go get herself some water and then sat next to him, her knee brushing his.  

 

_ Holy crap, she’s sitting next to me now? She smells great, she’s in her pajamas…..stop.  Just stop. _

 

“You ok J?” she was concerned, again.

 

“Yeah, I am.  Well, no that’s not true, I’m not.”  Lia put her hand on his knee and waited.  He was impressed - he knew first-hand how much she hated waiting.

 

He needed to breathe.   _ In, out.  In, out.  _ “Lia, I need to talk to you about this morning.”  Her ringing phone interrupted him and he waited while she apologized and got up to answer it.

 

“Hi Steve.  Would it be alright if I called you in a bit?  A friend’s here and I need to talk to him about something. Is that ok?”

 

“Ok, that’s perfect.  I’ll call as soon as I can and you can ask me those pressing questions.  I’ll text you if something happens.”

 

“Sorry J, that was Steve, the guy I went out with this weekend.”   _ She was smiling, blushing even.   _

 

He couldn’t do it.

 

“You were saying that you were not ok, and that definitely makes me nervous.  What can I do to help?”

 

_ You are friends.  SHE. IS. HAPPY. Don’t be the asshole that finally makes a move when someone else shows interest. _

 

“Here’s what happened.  I was really touched by what you said in the park yesterday about my story.  I wanted to tell you that, alone and in private. When Maddie dragged me into her performance, it threw me.  What you can do is just know that what you said meant a lot to me, and I thank you for it.”  _ True.  Not nearly the entire story, but true. _

 

“You’re welcome.  It really is my favorite story, and it really does move me each time I hear it.  I’m sorry Maddie’s silliness interrupted your plan. I get why you’d be shaken by it.”  She looked at him, her glasses riding up, and he smiled. 

 

He looked at her with beautiful blue crinkly eyes and she smiled.

 

James knew if he didn’t get up at that very minute he was going to kiss her and no matter how much that thought excited him, it wasn’t the time.  Who knows when that time would be, but it didn’t feel like now was it. He stood and her questioning eyes followed him.

 

“You’ve got a phone call to make, and it’s getting close to my bedtime.  I just wanted to make sure you were ok and we were ok.” She was uncharacteristically quiet as she walked him to the door, and he let out a huge breath as she hugged him.

 

“Thank you J.  I’m ok, and of course we’re ok - you are my best friend.”  She kissed his cheek as he struggled to move his arms out of the hug without lingering.  She closed the door behind him and he heard her sigh at almost the same time he did.

 

_ Holy shit, Lia, what was that? _  That sure as hell wasn’t “the same” as always.  She wasn’t sure that she wanted him to end their hug, that she wanted him to leave, but apparently, he wanted to, so she left it at that.  One more thing to do before she called Steve.

 

**Lia A:** Let me know when you’re home safe, ok?

**JBB:** Of course.  Thanks Li.

 

“So what are these pressing questions that must be answered, Mr. Rogers?”

 

After a few back and forths about the particulars of their day, Steve was finally ready to leap head first into the breach.  Yes, already.

 

“Lia, I want to see you again.  Do you feel that way, too?”

 

Without hesitation, she answered.  “Yes.”

 

“There’s a thing happening downtown Wednesday night that I think you would really like.  You interested, even though it’s a school night?”  _ What was it about her laugh that made him light up?  _ He never wanted her to stop, unless it was because his mouth was on hers.

 

“Whoa.  First, you wanted to introduce me to your dog, now you want me to go out on a school night?  That’s a big step, don’t you think?” 

 

Her silence made him hold his breath, just a bit.  

 

“What kind of “thing” is it?”

 

His turn to laugh.  He loved how much she made him do that.  He paced between his living room and kitchen, trying to figure out how much to say.  He guessed she was the kind of person that liked to know everything, to be in control, but the little devil on his shoulder wanted to see how far he could gently push.  “Let me be honest. I want to surprise you. Maddie shared something with me before we went out. Something clicked when I saw an advertisement for this event, and I thought you might like it.  I promise it’s not sushi, skydiving, or a horror movie. I know you just met me, but maybe you can sense I wouldn’t be an asshole and put you in an uncomfortable situation?”

 

Well.  “You must have some kind of superpowers.  You answered all my questions before I even asked them.  I guess the only one I have left is what time and where do you want to meet?”

 

He let out a big breath.  Now or never. “Would you feel comfortable if I picked you up at your place? I can meet you downstairs if you want.”  Steve would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of seeing her place and being near each other without distraction.

 

Lia breathed deeply.  She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a little bit excited by the thought of Steve in her apartment.   _ Remember, be careful.  You can’t fall for him yet.  You don’t even know him that well. _  “That’s very thoughtful, Steve.  I’ll buzz you in, I don’t have a chaperone waiting in the lobby to escort male guests.”

 

She brought her phone along as she cleaned up from dinner, turned off the lights, and got in bed.  She asked Steve about his day, learning about his current project and hearing about his firm. He asked the same thing, encouraging her to tell him “everything”.  

 

“Steve, c’mon, you don’t want to hear about my reading lessons for today, be real.  Even I don’t want to hear about them, again.”

 

“If it’s something you did today, why not?  I can always learn new things.” That sentence turned her on.   _ Don’t judge.  _

 

“Well, tell me when you’ve had enough.  Hold on a sec.” She pulled down her blankets and hopped into bed, taking off her glasses and letting her hair out of its ponytail holder.  “Ahhhhhh, ok. I’m back.”

 

“Where did you go?”

 

“I hopped into bed, under my heated blanket.  It’s heaven. Now, talk.”

 

Steve had to remind himself to breathe.  He would have loved to ask her what she was wearing, but that was a question for much, much further down the road.  Hopefully. He’d have to use his imagination, which was in no short supply. He found it hard to believe they met only 3 days ago, because he could easily see himself next to her in that bed, folding his arms around her body and pulling her to him.  When his brain returned to the present moment, he realized it had been a minute since either of them had spoken. He listened and chuckled. She was already asleep. He hung up and texted her.

 

**Steve Rogers:** Guess I’m a pretty exciting conversationalist, huh?  One minute under the covers and you fall asleep. LOL.  That’s fine, it’s way past your bedtime. Thanks for talking tonight.  I’ll see you Wednesday.

  
  


James felt like the underdog side character in a particularly cheesy drama.  He needed to get his head clear, because this obsession with Lia had taken a toll on his brain function.  It didn’t help that images of her smiling softly at him, touching his prosthesis without reservation and best (worst?) of all, feeling her soft body against his when they hugged, kept racing through his brain.  


	5. The First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman. Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful. Will they figure out how to find each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much to everyone who has taken the time to read, like, and give feedback to this story. I so appreciate it! I'm trying to post chapters a bit quicker than I usually do. Just want to give you a heads up that there'll be some angst and some more serious stuff coming along....just don't want anyone to get invested if they are triggered by angst. Thanks, again! - Steph
> 
> PS: Hayley, @HMarvel31 has been an absolute wonder with helping me shape this story. THank you for your support!

James groaned as he smacked his alarm, but finally got up and got into his gym gear.  Grabbing his bag, he headed out in an attempt to sweat out his distracting thoughts. It worked.  When he arrived at school, body charged with endorphins and a cup of hot coffee in his hand, he felt more like himself than he had in a week.  By the end of the day, he still felt great, even in the face of an unintentional tug-of-war that spilled his water bottle all over his pants at the same time a bag of flour exploded during a science activity.

 

Lia and her team were cleaning up the classroom at the end of the day while having a brief meeting.  When Nicole, the physical therapist, and Barbara, the music therapist, started to cackle, Lia turned to see what caused it.  She couldn’t believe her eyes. From the waist down, James was covered in white sticky goo. Some of it had gotten in his hair, too.  He was smiling, though. They’d all had days like that - messy but happy.

 

“I guess you had an interesting day?” Lia smiled while the rest of the group not-so-successfully hid their giggles.

 

“Yes.  Turns out dropping a water bottle on your pants before a bag of flour explodes during science makes a mess.  Who knew?”

 

“Anyone who has ever taught preschool?” James threw Maddie a wicked glare that only cracked her up more.  

 

She offered help regardless of his glare. “We’ve all been there, Mr. B .  How would you like a ride home, as long as you agree to sit on a tarp?” 

 

Maddie pulled up her van and true to her word, had laid a tarp down on the passenger seat.  As they pulled away and he gave her the address, she couldn’t resist. 

 

“It was nice to see you again today, James.”  He definitely looked confused. 

 

“Nice to see you, too? I mean, we spent the day together yesterday.” 

 

Maddie shook her head forcefully.  “No. I mean today you were your usual self, not mopey and distracted like you’ve been for a few days.  Lia told me she was worried about you. She wasn’t the only one.”

 

“Thanks Mad, I’m good.  Just hadn’t gone to the gym for a few days.  Guess that cements the body-brain connection for me.”  

 

Another vigorous head shake, followed by a particularly sarcastic facial expression.

 

His low chuckle meant he knew one of Madeleine’s pearls of wisdom was on its way.  “Lay it on me, Mads.”

 

They had worked together a long time.  She hadn’t meant many male teachers who were as talented with littles with special needs as he was and, on top of that, he was a really good guy.  She smiled.

 

“I just want to see you happy James.  That’s what we all want.” Insert dramatic pause.  “Especially Lia.”

 

James forced his expression to stay neutral.  He did not need Maddie to tell Lia he was mooning over her, especially since she was the one who set her up with that guy Steve.  Ugh, what a name. He sounded like a tool.

 

“I certainly want her to be happy, too.  That’s what friends do.”

 

“Then why haven’t asked her out? She would have said yes without even thinking.” 

 

James stared at her, now forcibly struggling to control his face.  If he didn’t tread very carefully with his next sentence, work would get very awkward.

 

“We’re colleagues and really good friends, Maddie.  We don’t have that kind of relationship. You just set her up with that guy last week - how many guys do you want her to go out with at once?”  He tried to smile to hide that he was dying inside and wishing this conversation would end. His good mood wouldn’t last long if it kept going.

 

“James.  I’ve known both of you for almost 5 years and don’t forget, I’m an English woman.  I’ve got some mad observational skills. You two have been crushing on each other for awhile now.”  His face had a mind of its own. He couldn’t control what it looked like.

 

“Madeleine.  C’mon. I don’t want to talk about Lia like this.  It feels wrong. Plus, what does you being English have to do with your observational skills?”   _ Score one for efficient deflection. _

 

As they pulled up to his apartment and he tried as carefully as possible to not make a mess of her van and get inside with a shred of dignity intact, Madeleine looked at him with nothing but care on her face.

 

“James, I’ll just say one more thing.”  He looked at her skeptically. 

 

“One more thing  _ for now _ , alright? Ya happy?”  He didn’t respond with anything but a head nod and smile.

 

“Steve is really nice - the guy I set her up with.  He’s a good person, has a great job, and he kept asking me to introduce the two of them.  You know she’s been hurt before and I know neither of us wants that to happen again, but she deserves to be happy.  I really thought you’d make your way to each other, but nothing more happened than making wistful faces at each other and touching as often as you could.  Yes, we all see it and yes, we all think you’d be happy together.”

 

“You said you were only going to say ‘one more thing’” Air quotes really pissed her off, and James knew it, but hey, she asked for it.  Her face made him laugh.

 

“Shut up.  Here’s the end of it.  If you care about her and you're wondering, I think it’s reciprocated.  She’s never said a word to me, but she doesn’t have to. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she has a deep well of strong feelings for you, and I’d bet my next 2 paychecks you feel the same.  MAKE A MOVE. Steve is very interested, and he’s a determined guy, it won’t take long for her to fall for him. I care about both of you a lot, and I just want to see you happy - whether you’re together or with others.”  

 

James stood on the sidewalk, listening.  His good mood had again be replaced by mopey-ness.  “Thanks for the advice, Maddie. I appreciate it - and thanks for the ride.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Since Steve asked Lia to go out with him, she had been so busy with work that she hadn’t had much time to think and obsess.  That’s why when school ended Wednesday and she was cleaning up her classroom, she laughed when she saw her phone reminder. “LEAVE NOW! GO HOME! YOU NEED TO SHOWER AND CHANGE!” She hadn’t talked to Steve much in the intervening days, which was nice - it built up anticipation, at least from Lia’s perspective.

 

She wanted to respect his desire to surprise her, which was hard because she was the nosiest person on the planet.  She had only asked how to dress (dress casual, not formal, something she felt comfortable in), if she should eat dinner first (nope), and if she needed to bring her emergency information, just in case (maybe).  She hoped the last answer was a joke.

 

She was nervous when she buzzed him in.  This would be their third time going out - sort of - and that felt important.  She took a second (ok, tenth) look in the mirror at her floor-length black skirt and light pink blouse and better-than-a-school-day makeup and hair and breathed deeply.  When he knocked, she forced herself to walk slowly and breathe. Desperation was not a good look on anyone.

 

He looked amazing, of course, in dark blue slacks and a long sleeve button up shirt.  He wore a brown leather jacket that looked old and broken-in and perfect. As he stepped inside and saw her, his face turned pink.  She stepped back and looked herself up and down, worried. 

 

“What? Is this not fancy enough? Should I change?” He looked at her in a way that made her quiet.

 

“You look perfect.”  Lia wasn’t shy, but that comment made her feel so.  She stepped further into her apartment and asked if they had time for a drink or if they should go, but instead of answering, he placed a hand on her forearm and gently turned her to face him, closing the distance between them at the same time.

 

Lia’s face got warmer as he held her gaze without blinking. “I had this idea that if tonight went well, I’d ask if I could kiss you after I brought you home, but I don’t want to wait that long. ”  Lia’s face was now on fire, but Steve was quiet, waiting for her to say something before he moved. She put her hand on the lapels of his jacket and let her fingers trail up until she had them looped around his neck and he had his hands on her hips.  He softly asked, “Can I?”

 

She looked at him and felt good.  He made her feel good. She wanted him to kiss her. “I like the sound of that,” was all she got out before his lips were on hers.  He was strong, but not overpowering, his lips firmly pressed to hers, but not pushing. It was Lia that opened her mouth and allowed his tongue to meet hers.  His moan of surprise was genuine and made her warmer than she’d felt in a long time. He pulled away first, leaning his forehead against hers. 

 

“I’m glad I asked.”  

 

She smiled. “So am I.”

 

His face was red, and she kissed him once more, lightly, before getting two bottles of water from her fridge and inviting him to sit on the couch.  

 

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?”  He took a long swallow and leaned forward, smiling as he kissed Lia’s cheek…. and jaw…..and collarbone……

 

“Steve…” she started losing focus….

 

“Yes?” he continued kissing her neck slowly and so, so, well….

 

“This wasn’t the “thing” tonight, was it?” She pulled back, suddenly serious.  She tried not to get ahead of herself.

 

Steve sensed the change and moved back.  “No. I’m sorry. Guess I got carried away.”

 

She smiled and kissed his cheek.  “I can’t fault you for that.” 

 

“Are you ready? I requested an Uber for about 10 minutes from now, so perfect timing.”  Lia excused herself to freshen up her makeup (particularly her lipstick), and suggested Steve look in the mirror (due to aforementioned missing lipstick).  She made sure she had everything, locked up and quietly rode down to the ground floor. She felt content as Steve reached out for her hand, and she weaved her fingers between his.

 

In the car, both of them used the time to touch hands and quietly scroll through their phones to avoid the driver overhearing.  When she checked her Instagram feed, she saw James had posted a video of himself lifting some insanely heavy weight at the gym. There were hundreds of likes and many suggestive comments from a variety of women and men.  She “liked” it and closed the app. She was ignoring something, but didn’t want to try to nail it down and ruin her good mood

 

When the car stopped, Steve opened Lia’s door and helped her out, kissing her lightly when she stood up.  She looked around, but didn’t see anything other than an ornate building that seemed to be a house of worship.  He held her hand and as her eyes adjusted to the candlelit interior, she gasped. The building was a restored church that now housed a modest restaurant and performing arts center.  They were quickly seated at a table near the small stage, where a piano, chair, and microphone were waiting. 

 

Lia’s eyes were everywhere.  The stained glass windows, the candlelight reflecting off the richly-finished wood, and the smell of incense burned long ago all made her feel like she was in a living museum.  Steve was watching her and taking note - her flushed skin, her wide bright eyes, the smile so big he thought it might hurt. 

 

She leaned across the table and put her hand over his.  “This is magnificent. Thank you.” 

 

She was surprised when he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.  “You’re welcome.”

 

Dinner was ordered and served prior to a classical concert by a piano, cello, and clarinet trio.  She checked her phone before turning it off prior to the performance, and smiled when a text popped up from Maddie wishing them a fun night.  She showed Steve, who smiled and moved his chair so they could sit and watch side-by-side. She was pleased to see that he didn’t shy away from physical contact - holding her hand, running his fingers lightly on her thigh, letting her rest her head on his shoulder as the night continued.  She smiled when he kissed the top of her head and whispered that he hoped she was enjoying the night. She was.

 

At the end of the show, the audience stood to celebrate the trio’s skillful and emotional playing.  “They were unbelievable. I loved it. I can’t thank you enough.” She held tight to his arm as they walked out.  The temperature had dropped a bit and Lia shivered, which prompted him to put his arm around her shoulders. She didn’t protest.  

 

“There’s a really nice cafe near here, would you care to join me?” She yawned as she tried to respond (from fatigue, not nervousness), and Steve laughed.  “Guess that’s my answer.” Lia apologized, but Steve assured her there was no need. When the car arrived she leaned against him and next she knew, he was waking her up to go inside her building.  She opened her purse to pay for the car, but since he had done it, she offered the driver a sizeable tip before kissing Steve quickly and getting out. She was surprised when he also got out, and asked the driver to wait a few minutes while he walked her to the door.

 

She yawned the entire elevator ride, Steve smiling all the while.  “Told you I was a lightweight. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get up on time tomorrow.  I better set 10 alarms.” She kindly refused his offer to call her in the morning. As they arrived at her door, she smiled and nodded when he asked if he could kiss her again.  This one was more chaste, but also more intimate, as their hands fell to their sides and intertwined. They quickly said goodnight and she locked the door behind her, texting him to let her know when he got home.

 

It took her all of 10 minutes to jump out of her clothes, remove her makeup, wash her face, and jump into bed.  By the time she put her head to the pillow, Steve had texted, and she was fast asleep.

 

The next morning her alarms went off and she woke up, shut them off, and promptly fell back to sleep.  When she woke up again and saw the time she freaked. School was starting in an hour. She breathed deeply and made a command decision to take the day off.  She had so many sick days accumulated that she could take 50 and not even make a dent. She texted/emailed her team and her principal, making sure everyone knew she was out and where her sub plans were, got up to take some Tylenol and drink some water, and fell back asleep.  Again. 

 

She felt much better when she woke up, but was disoriented from being home in the middle of the day on a Thursday.  There was absolutely nothing to watch on TV and the day was sunny and warm, so she decided to take a walk by the water,  with some of her favorite music playing. Her phone buzzed and she smiled.

 

**JBB:** Hi Lia, you ok? Need anything?

**Lia A:** Hi James, I’m good.  I think I needed a mental health day to catch up on sleep.  I felt like I was made out of lead this morning. Since I knew 2 of the kids were going to be out and it was a therapy-heavy day, I decided to use one of my hundreds of sick days.  Thanks, though.

**JBB:**  Missed you.  Let me know if you need anything, I’m around tonight.

**Lia A:** Ok, I will. Thanks.

 

**Lia Accorsi:** Good afternoon.  I’m sure you’re busy, but just wanted to thank you for an unforgettable night.  Everything was perfect, including my date. So, thank you.

 

She was surprised when a return text came in a minute later

 

**Steven Rogers** : Good afternoon, and you’re welcome.  I agree, it was a wonderful evening, made even better by the company.  Did you get up ok this morning?

**Lia Accorsi:** No, actually. LOL.  I overslept and ended up taking the day to recuperate.  I’m outside getting sunshine right now. It’s pretty awesome - I might never go back to work.

**Steven Rogers:** Good for you. :) You hungry?  I was about to grab lunch near the south end of the park.  Wanna meet up?

**Lia Accorsi:** Sure, under one condition.  You let me pay. This isn’t a date, it’s a meet up.  

**Steven Rogers:** Sigh, ok.  You got a deal.

 

She arrived first and waited in the busy lunch line.  She texted Steve and ordered for both of them, and took the sandwiches, chips, and drinks outside to wait.

 

**Steven Rogers:** Lia, I’m so sorry, but a client just walked in and I can’t leave.

**Lia Accorsi:** No worries at all.  Text me your address and I’ll drop them with your secretary so you can eat.

**Steven Rogers** : I’ll tell her to make sure she lets me know when you get here.  If I can’t eat lunch with you, I at least want to thank you.

 

When she arrived at the office, she was impressed.  “Rogers Engineering” hung above the door in steel lettering, with Steve’s name and two others below.  The receptionist looked up and smiled as she walked in. Lia was holding sandwiches and drinks and wearing slouchy clothes with a baseball cap and ponytail. She felt like a complete schlub compared to the thin, stylishly dressed, coiffed, and made-up woman who cheerfully greeted her.  After sharing that she was just dropping off some lunch, the woman put her hand on Lia’s and smiled.

 

“I’m Carly, Steve’s younger sister.  It is so nice to meet you. Please have a seat, he wanted to make sure he saw you before you left.”  Lia cringed as she walked away. She didn’t like feeling out of her element. She belonged in a preschool, playing on the floor with her students, not sitting on leather couches trying not to touch anything.

 

“Lia?” Steve came out of the office like a man on a mission. She stood up when he called her, handed him his lunch, and tried to make a hasty exit, feeling more slovenly by the second.  He grabbed her hand and she resisted. She did not want to kiss him in front of his sister - she didn’t really want to kiss him at all, feeling like she did.

 

He quickly turned his head.  “You ok?” She nodded and kissed him on the cheek.

 

“Of course. I told you I would bring you lunch and I’m bringing you lunch.  I’m leaving so you can meet with your client. I don’t want to hold you up.”  He held her forearm firmly, but not painfully, and used the full force of his stare to stop her deflection. 

 

“Thank you.  He needs the room for a phone call with his CFO, so I just found some time, if you have a minute.”

 

When she nodded, he led her to an unoccupied office.  “This is my partner’s space, but he’s on vacation.” He closed the door behind them and held Lia’s wrist, gently pulling her closer. “Lia, how much longer do I need to ask your permission before I kiss you?”  

 

She chuckled and turned towards him, “I’ve never been asked that question.  I’m not sure how to answer, but I appreciate your desire for my consent.” He got closer to her and put his hands on the same place on her hips that he did the night before.  “That’s not the only thing I desire.” She leaned towards him and kissed him, hard, harder than the night before. She pulled him down to her and felt him move his hands over to her bottom, learning her body as he went.  She leaned away and he took the opportunity to kiss down her jaw and neck and back up again to the very sensitive spot near her pulse point. A moan slipped out and she could feel Steve’s lips curl up into a smile as he continued to flick his tongue over it, causing her to find a handful of his hair and use it to bring his mouth to hers.  She was surprised by her feelings, that she didn’t want to pull away. His hands moved up her back as their kiss got increasingly passionate. A subtle cough outside the door brought Lia back to reality and she dropped her head, embarrassed. Steve pouted slightly as she broke the kiss, but didn’t try to continue. He pulled her into a hug that she melted into, and whispered his thanks for making his day so much better.


	6. One Step Forward, One Step Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman. Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful. Will they figure out how to find each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big huge thanks to @HMarvel31 for helping me shape this story and for @MsEnglish101 for the continued guidance and support. Starting with this chapter, just know there's a plan. :) Hope you enjoy and thank you very much for taking the time to read and respond to this story. I greatly appreciate all of you. - Steph

After wishing James and Luke a good weekend and leaving work early, for once, Lia was excited to see Steve’s name pop up on her phone.  She had finally changed his name to something a bit less formal in her contacts.

 

**Steve:** Happy Friday :)

**Lia:** Same to you !

**Steve:** Can I say something without you getting offended?

**Lia:** Have you ever seen Pulp Fiction? (if you haven’t, then we’re going to have to remedy that).

**Steve:** A long time ago, don’t remember much...and how does that answer my question?

**Lia:** Because there’s a scene, where John Travolta asks the same question of Uma Thurman and she says basically, she can’t promise anything without knowing what he wants to ask and can’t promise she won’t be offended.  Classic.

**Steve:** You really like that movie, I guess.

**Lia:** That obvious, huh? LOL.  So go ahead, ask and “my answer is gonna be what it’s gonna be.” LOL

**Steve:**  Ok.  Our kiss, at the office….

**Lia:** What kiss?

**Lia:** ;)p

**Steve:** Ha ha ha.  Our kiss….for me….was memorable.  So much so I found it difficult to concentrate for the rest of the day.

**Steve:**  You offended yet?

**Lia:** Nope.  Keep going, you’re doing very well. :)

**Steve:** Thanks.  So. This is dumb, I’m calling you.

 

“When I texted, I wanted to start with, “Hey sexy,” but I was afraid you might get offended.”

 

“I understand why you thought that, objectification of women is a real thing.  BUT after that kiss, I would not have been offended. As long as it’s not said in front of anyone else.”

 

Lia heard him let out a breath.  He was adorable. A guy who thought about stuff like this was rare, who talked about it? Rare on the level of the endangered species list.  Her turn. “Can I ask you something without offending  _ you _ ?”  

 

He laughed.  It was loud and clear and so happy.  It made  _ her _ happy.  “I don’t think there’s much you could say that would offend me, but go ahead, try me.”

 

“When you asked me what you just asked me, my first thought was, “This was a guy who had to have been raised by some kick-ass women - mom, grandma, sisters, probably aunts and cousins. Is that how you came to be so enlightened?”

 

There was that laugh again, but different, sweeter, softer.  “You nailed it. I was surrounded by strong women and men who loved them, who weren’t afraid to show a boy all the things the world had to offer, including traditionally feminist viewpoints.  My brother and I were not cut any slack in the “boys will be boys” department.”

 

“Sounds like your family was ahead of its time.  Women everywhere owe them a lot.”

 

“Women everywhere?  How many women do you think I’ve dated?”

 

“A lot.”   
  


“Why would you think that?”

 

“You’re not only everything Maddie described, you’re also kind and smart and for me, there’s definitely something about someone as considerate and thoughtful as you are.  It’s a potent combination. I just assumed women have been very interested.”

 

Steve was stunned.  “Maybe they have been, but I’m much more interested in someone with something to say, who is real and passionate and funny and sexy.  Like you.”

 

Her turn to be flabbergasted.  She knew Steve was interested, but to describe her that way? She’d only ever heard friends and family say those things before, and they didn’t include the sexy part, thankfully.  “Thank you. That is a wonderful compliment.”

 

Their brains were running and processing and trying not to get ahead of themselves.  Eventually, their mutual silence led them both to laugh before saying goodnight.

 

She chuckled as another text came in.   _ Guess he’s REALLY interested. _

 

Guess again.

 

**JBB:** I didn’t really get a chance to talk to you today.  Just wanted to make sure you got through the day ok.  Feeling better?

**Lia:** Yes, thanks.  It was a long day, but a good one.  I hope you had a good day, too?

**James:** Yeah.  Kids weren’t really feeling school today, but you know how that is.

**Lia:** Absolutely.  Thank goodness it’s the weekend.  Have a good one, James. I’ll see you Monday.

**James:** Yes, you too Lia.  See you Monday.

 

_ That was different _ .  He ignored the slight apprehension he felt.

 

As she got ready for bed Lia thought about James’s text and felt foolish.  He made it abundantly clear that they were friends, and that was all. She liked Steve, but wanted to tread lightly.  She wanted to make sure she wanted to be with him and that he felt the same way. He didn’t deserve to be a second choice.

 

She recited her new mantra.   _ You can’t fall for him yet.  You have to go slow. Protect your heart, Lia, don’t be stupid again. _

  
  


Maddie told Steve that men had been stupid pricks to Lia before (honest-to-goodness those were her words).  The thought made him really angry. Since their kiss this afternoon and tonight’s talk, he felt like something had shaken loose between them, that maybe she was starting to trust him, that maybe she was starting to realize that he wanted her.

Lia was looking forward to the weekend more than usual.  She had finished a big project, her plans were done for the entire upcoming week, and things with James were normal again.  No awkward tension, no stolen glances or carefully casual touching that made her blush. 

 

She was hopeful she and Steve might spend more time together.  She didn’t care where or how, just together.

As she got some dinner together and planned a short evening of overwatched Netflix content, Steve’s name popped up again.  She wasn’t complaining.

 

**Steve:** Long week?

**Lia:** Not too bad, how about for you? We didn’t get to talk too much about it, given my Pulp Fiction rant.  Did you have a good Friday?

**Steve:** Yeah, but I’m still at work.  Plans for a new project need to be drafted by Monday.  

**Lia:** You’re working all weekend? 

**Steve:** Looks like it.  Gonna miss me?

**Lia:** Maybe.  Have you eaten dinner?  Can I bring you something?

 

Steve grinned as his stomach flipped and his breath came a little faster.

 

**Steve:** No I haven’t eaten and yes, I would love to see you.  How about you come by and I’ll have pizza delivered? 

 

Lia walked as the daylight faded in an attempt to calm her nerves.  She guessed Steve was alone in his office. Their dates had been in public places, or at least with other people around - and he was always a perfect gentleman.  She had no reason to think he’d be anything but tonight, but it wasn’t his impulse control she was worried about.  _ You need to think about what you want, or better, who. _

 

Steve ordered the pizza and tried to concentrate.  He sat at his desk, starting and stopping the design at least ten times.  He finally gave in and waited for Lia on the couch in the waiting room with the door propped open, thinking. 

 

When she peeked her head around the door, he was lying back with his eyes closed, a slight smile on his face.  She couldn’t resist. As quietly as she could, she leaned over and kissed his nose. She cackled when he grabbed her around the waist, then freaked when he tried to pull her down to him.  Dropping her body onto someone, no matter who initiated it, was a huge source of insecurity for her, maybe her biggest.

 

“Steve, stop, please!” He let go as if she was on fire, worried he hurt or embarrassed her.  She overcompensated as she pulled away and almost fell. Steve’s quick reflexes were the only thing that kept her from landing on her butt.

 

“What happened? Are you ok?” She looked mortified.  

 

“I’m fine, thanks for catching me.  Falling on my butt wasn’t on my to-do list for tonight.” Her attempt to smile was weak, but the arrival of the pizza guy distracted Steve from following up.

 

“Spumoni’s? Seriously? My favorite!  It’ll go great with what I brought.” She pulled out soda, water bottles, candles, cupcakes, and a blanket from her bag.  “I didn’t bring any wine - you have work to do. Give me a second.”

 

“Ta da! I think it’s an acceptable substitute for a picnic, albeit inside at night.” Getting up from the floor, she pushed her hair out of her face, and looked up at Steve and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

 

Steve was touched by her efforts to make sure he ate dinner, but he realized there was more to tonight than that.  When she got up from her makeshift picnic and put her arms around him, he saw something different in her eyes. This wasn’t her usual kind or nervous smile, it was happiness -  _ relaxed  _ happiness.

 

He cupped her face in his hands, “I feel like I’m seeing the real Lia for the first time.” A thrill ran up both his arms as she closed her eyes, nuzzled her cheek against him and moved one of her hands to cover his.  

 

When she opened her eyes, he was wowed.  

 

“Steve, you don’t have to ask anymore.” She moved her mouth towards him, their hands finding their own way around each other.  He swore he felt energy run through him when their tender and sweet kiss became more. Hands, mouths, and arms were everywhere at once, punctuated by the sound of their breaths- gasping, moaning, hungry.  The next step would’ve been to shed clothing, so they pulled away reluctantly, quickly seeking out warmth and closeness by wrapping into a tight hug.

 

Her head lay on his chest while he ran his fingers over her back, smiling while kissing the top of her head.“You are so warm.  It feels incredible.” He didn’t want to let go anytime soon, but both their stomachs growled, prompting silly laughter. 

 

Dinner was fun and low-key, punctuated by soft kisses and increasingly-heated looks.  After over an hour of not working, Steve looked at the clock and called it a night. He’d be back first thing in the morning, anyway.  They packed up and left together, Lia inviting Steve to come up to her apartment for a real drink. She honestly wasn’t sure if she wanted something else to happen, but knew he wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want him to.

 

After a quick drink and a few more kisses, Steve struggled to leave.  He wanted almost nothing more than to spend the night there, which did not necessarily mean sex, but it would’ve taken a stronger man than him to refuse if she had wanted that. Even though she was more herself tonight than any other time since he’d known her, he knew she was guarding her heart - from him, from hurt.  His instinct told him that waiting, letting her set the pace, and being there when she was ready for whatever came next, was the way to go. He had been so close to ripping her clothes off in his office, but that’s not what he truly desired. He wanted her to  _ want _ to be with him, to let him see all the parts of her - inside and out - and that took time.  Tonight, for the first time, he felt maybe they had the time they needed. 

  
  


James knew he was running out of time.  Lia had been different this week. She was his colleague, his friend, his teacher-neighbor - on the surface she was exactly the same, but to him, the electricity between them had cooled.  The casual touching, the long looks between them ending in laughter, the late nights ending in a walk home - they were missing, and James felt their loss acutely. He heard Steve’s name, accompanied by smiles and blushing cheeks, more often.  It would be accurate to say James felt like punching the wall every time it happened, followed by a good old-fashioned pity party. 

 

Lia was conflicted.  The weekend dawned and her first thought was Steve.  Then she felt guilty because her first thought wasn’t of James.  Then she got angry with herself because she had no right to be upset with herself or James for just being friends.   _ When are you going to get your head out of your ass and get over him?  _  For the first time since she started having feelings for James, Lia felt a small part of her heart give way to someone else.  Then she felt guilty all over again because it had belonged to James for so long.  _ But he didn’t know that, smartie pants.   _ She told the pain-in-the-ass voice that was messing with her head to shut up and live in the now.

 

**Lia:** Good morning.  Not sure if you’re already working, but just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.  I hope you get a lot of work done.

**Steve:** Thank you.  Lately, I’m thinking of you pretty much all the time.  Can I see you today?

**Lia** : Do you really think that’s a good idea?  I mean last night I messed up your chance at productivity.  I have an idea, though.

**Steve:** 1st, you didn’t mess up anything, you made it better. 2nd, let’s hear the idea.

**Lia:** Why don’t I make dinner for us tonight?  I’m sure you have to get home to your dog at some point, and he’s going to want to go for a walk - why don’t you walk here?  I’d love to meet him and we can have dinner together, maybe do the Netflix thing. Apparently most people do fun stuff on the weekend.  That was news to me.

**Steve:** I love that idea.  What time?

**Lia:** Tell you what - let’s not make a time.  You work until you’re done or can’t work anymore, then call me with an ETA.  No pressure at all. I’m going to be working on student assessment portfolios, so I’m happy to have dinner plans to look forward to.

**Steve** : Thank you, Lia.  You just made my day.  I’ll talk to you tonight.

**Lia:** :) Good luck today.

 

After a quick inventory of her pantry, she ran to the store (for human and dog treats), picked up some fresh flowers, and spent the day doing just as she planned - making a lot of progress on the portfolios.  She and James texted back and forth a bunch of times about various aspects of the projects, but neither suggested getting together, so, as was becoming their habit, it didn’t happen.

 

Steve was surprised - after Lia’s call he had worked with an intensity he usually found difficult to muster on a Saturday.  He completed the first draft of his project plans and scanned them to his partners for their review. He knew he’d have to revise, but the first hurdle had been cleared.  He locked up the office and ran home to shower and grab Jack, excited and surprised at how lighthearted he felt.

 

After getting Steve’s text about the approximate time he’d arrive, Lia made sure both her and her apartment were presentable.  She went for comfort - jeans and a sweater (he was bringing a dog after all), with a bit of makeup and hair down around her shoulders.  She shivered when she thought about him pulling it while he kissed her…. _ Hmmmmm…. _

 

Steve didn’t need to knock to let Lia know they had arrived, Jack’s barking did the trick.  She stuck her head out the door and when he ran to her, she bent to pet him. Steve laughed as the big chocolate lab almost knocked her over in his bid to win her affections.  When he started sniffing her, Steve quickly tightened his grip on the leash, reminding him to behave. 

 

“Jack, you are even more handsome in real life than in your pictures.  It’s nice to meet you.” She held out her hand and he shook it, making her laugh.  Steve was impressed when she pulled a dog biscuit out of her other pocket, inciting a chocolate-colored frenzy.  Her laugh boomed as Jack finally succeeding in knocking her on her backside and started frantically licking her face.

 

“Jack, you’ve only just met her and you’re trying to steal her away from me, huh?”   
  


He bent down and pushed the dog away, helping Lia up.  “You might regret inviting him, he loves to be the center of attention.”

 

It was hard not to laugh while Jack jumped and begged for playtime. “I can see that, but I’m a preschool teacher, I’m used to divas.”  

 

She showed them both her fenced-off balcony, where she had laid out bowls of water and food, and a place for Steve to clip the leash, quickly excusing herself to wash her dog-licked face and hands.  Steve kneeled down to scratch behind Jack’s ears, and whispered something.

 

Lia saw the whisper and when Steve stood up, she wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled.  “What were you two talking about?”   
  


Steve looked at her and felt something give way, something that was making a space for her in his heart.  

 

“I was just letting him know I wanted to be first in line, and I didn’t appreciate him getting kissed before me.”

 

Lia stared at his mouth while he spoke, not really hearing the words.  She pulled his hands as she walked backwards to the couch, his face surprised, then suggestive.  She touched his massive chest and kissed him while pulling him down on top of her. 

 

“Am I hurting you?”  

 

She shook her head and pulled his mouth on hers, raking her hands over his shoulders.  She leaned her head back, hoping he would find that sensitive spot on her neck, right next to her collarbone.  Her deep rumbling moans provided ample evidence that he was doing exactly what she wanted.

 

When he looked at her, Lia’s eyes were closed.  Steve smoothed her hair back and kissed her slowly, perfectly.  “Those are the sexiest noises I’ve ever heard.” His kisses became more insistent , his entire body in search of hers.  She wrapped her arms around him and was about to pull his shirt out of the waistband of his pants when they both felt Jack trying to get in on the action.

 

Steve lifted up on his elbows and they both turned to the dog, laughing and defending themselves from the licking machine.  “Jack, I’m wondering if I should be jealous. I can’t have my girlfriend falling for a better kisser than me.”

 

He turned back to see Lia staring at him, her eyes bright.  “Girlfriend, huh?” She reached up and brushed strands of his blonde hair away from his beautiful blue eyes.  Eyes that seemed to hold real feelings. He leaned in again, leaning his forehead on hers while Jack continued to bark.  

 

“Yes, I want you to be my girlfriend, Lia.  Or, better said, I want us to be exclusive, if that feels alright to you.”

 

“It does.  I’m not interested in dating anyone else, Steve.”  _ Oh, really? That’s new information. _

 

Lia had to get Jack out of her airspace before she suffocated or drowned in dog saliva.  She pushed Steve’s chest, signaling him to get up. Jack took that as an invitation to take his place and jump on her.  That was enough. “Ok, Jack, c’mon. Your nails hurt, buddy.”

 

Steve grabbed his scruff and laughingly pulled him backwards.  Lia stood up and cleaned dog saliva off her face for the second time since they arrived.    She got dinner out of the oven, and as they sat down to eat, Steve grabbed her hand.

 

“This looks delicious, thank you for cooking….and for warming me up.”  There it was, that megawatt smile that made him forget everything else.

 

“You’re welcome.  I was inspired - by Jack, of course.” Their conversation was easy.  He asked her things no one who wasn’t a teacher would ask, which impressed her.  When Jack whined to go out, Steve asked Lia to join them in a walk, and he gladly handed his leash over when she asked if she could walk him.  He was a strong dog, and she had to pay attention to where he pulled her. Steve coached her on making sure he knew who was in charge and she laughed at the notion that she was, sharing stories of her infamously terrible balance and propensity for stumbling and falling.

 

They walked and held hands, laughing while Jack sniffed everything in sight.  Neither of them realized they had come as far as they had until Steve pointed up the street.  “This is me. Guess we walked more than we planned.” 

 

“Will you and Jack hang with me until my ride gets here?” Lia took out her phone and opened the Uber app.  Steve put his hand over the screen as Jack licked her other hand and whimpered.

 

“Lia, don’t go home.  Stay here tonight, with us.”  Lia stepped back, thinking, deciding, fighting with herself.

 

The imposing, gentle man stepped toward her and lifted her chin up.  “That is a sincere offer of a place to sleep. There are no other expectations.”  She lit up.

 

“Ok, then, I will.  Thank you. I’d like to see where Jack lives, anyway.”  He grabbed her hand and pulled her inside. 

 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Jack lay down right away and fall asleep.”  They were drinking coffee, sitting on his couch, their hands lazily finding the other’s while the big dog softly snored.  They started a movie and Steve laid his head on her lap, dozing off as she stroked his hair and ran her nails lightly over his scalp.  When it was over, she tried to sneak out from under him, but he smiled and grabbed onto her. 

 

He stood  up and stretched, yawning, and grabbed her hand.  “Come on, let’s go to bed.” Lia froze. 

 

Steve wiped the sleep out of his eyes and turned to her, still yawning.  “Lia, I meant what I said. This is an offer to sleep in a bed, nothing more.  Plus, Jack is never going to let you sleep alone if you’re on the couch. You’re going to wake up buried in brown fur and dog saliva. Aren’t I just a little bit of a better choice?” He smiled and trailed his fingers down her cheek.  “I have some clothes you can borrow.”

 

Steve stepped out of the room while Lia changed into one of his t-shirts.  That and her boy shorts were her usual bedtime attire, so she felt comfortable until Steve walked out of the bathroom in sweats and a t-shirt whose seams were definitely begging for mercy.  She couldn’t help but stare, and he smiled. 

 

“Wow.”  _ Monosyllables? Really? Smooth. _ Lia felt self-conscious and intimidated.  She immediately turned away, pulling the shirt down in an attempt to cover as much as possible, and excused herself to use the bathroom.  She must have zoned out, because Steve’s gentle knock brought her back to reality.

 

“I’ll be right out.”  She turned off the light before opening the door, and was glad to see he was already in bed and had only his bedside lamp on so she could find her way.  She lifted one side of the blankets and apologized in advanced for her cold feet. “I’ll try to stay far away so they don’t touch you.”

 

He turned to look at her.  “Are you nervous?”

 

She nodded silently and may have teared up.  

 

“May I ask why?” 

 

She shook her head this time, still silent.  He was being so sweet, so kind, so thoughtful.  She wished she could feel something other than embarrassment about her body.  She didn’t deserve that, nor did he.

 

“Is it because of me? Did I do something to upset you?”

 

She sat up.   _ Enough of this shit, Lia.  He obviously likes you so fake it til you make it. _

 

“No, of course not.  Just me. Old thought patterns are hard to break.”

 

He sat up beside her and took her hand.  “I hope those thoughts are that you are one of the smartest and most beautiful women I’ve ever had the pleasure of spending time with.” Her head dropped and a tear fell on their intertwined hands.

 

“You’ve mesmerized me, Lia.  We’ll go as slow as you want, but I want to get to know you more.  I want to spend as much time with you as you’ll allow. I want to kiss you senseless and hope one day you’ll trust me enough to share yourself with me.  But all of that is the future. Tonight, why don’t we just go to sleep? Jack will wake us up early.”

 

Lia leaned over and cradled his face in her hands and kissed him, long and meaningfully.  “Thank you Steve, for everything. Goodnight.” She laid down and let his lips find her neck, pulling his right hand over her stomach where he gently ran his fingers over her stretch marks and bumps.  She was soon asleep.


	7. One More Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman. Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful. Will they figure out how to find each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So......prepare for some steaminess! AKA EXPLICIT CONTENT If you don't like that kind of thing, please don't read! I am so grateful for all of your kind words, reads, kudos and guidance/support from @HMarvel31 and @MsEnglish101 - I live and die by their feedback! Enjoy! Can't wait to hear what you think! - Steph

Lia felt content waking up in Steve’s apartment. She stretched and rolled over, looking at his beautiful face, even more serene in sleep. Even though quiet and graceful movements did not come naturally, she made her best attempt to not wake him up and went in search of coffee. Jack was up, walking in and out through his doggie door to the decently-sized backyard when he spotted her and launched himself at full speed. She had time to prepare for the assault and planted her feet, gratefully accepting his kisses while she scratched behind his ear.

Steve woke up happy, immediately wondering where Lia was, hoping she hadn’t left. When he smelled coffee and heard Jack panting and whimpering, he knew she hadn’t. He walked out, excitedly wondering what he would find.

She sat on a chair outside drinking coffee and watching the overgrown puppy play. Her back was to him and she laughed as Jack kept begging to play his favorite game - throw the ball and get the ball times infinity. Steve noticed how comfortable and right this felt. She was nervous last night, uncomfortable, and then she let him hold her and he felt her relax. He hoped she still felt that way, and that she would let him do it again, sooner rather than later.

Lia heard Steve wander out of the bedroom with his sleepy face, bed head, and smile on full display. The way he placed his huge hand on her shoulder and squeezed felt comfortable and warm. 

“Good morning.” She looked up at him, a content expression greeting him. 

Anything Steve was going to say was interrupted by his dog realizing he was up and now had the attention of two people.

“Good morning boy. You hungry?”

“He better not say yes, I fed him just a bit ago.”

“Thanks. Did you sleep well?” Lia nodded as she took Steve’s offered hand to get up. 

“How about you? Must have been weird to have me sharing the space with you. Thanks again.” 

“Honestly, I was surprised at how well I slept. It’s been awhile since there’s been another human in there with me.” He blushed and stepped towards her, reaching out for her wrists. Lia shivered as he softly rubbed his thumbs up and down the sensitive skin on the inside of her forearms. 

She whispered, hypnotized by his movements, “I made coffee….”

“I’m not thirsty.” One hand moved away from her arm to the hem of the t-shirt she wore, his t-shirt. He was not going to make one more move without her say so. His voice was husky, low, “Lia?” 

Her eyes searched his face, “Yes?”

“I really want my shirt back.” His fingers crawled just under the hem, “but I understand if it’s too soon.”

Lia’s body wanted him, no doubt about it, but her brain knew that once they had sex, it would change everything. 

“I’m not sure, Steve. I’m sorry.” 

She tried to turn away, but he wouldn’t let her. “You’re not allowed to apologize for thinking before acting. Why don’t we consider the shirt on loan, indefinitely. No timeline.” Her relief was evident throughout her whole body, not that Steve was looking at her whole body or anything.

He was glad to see her happy and talking. “I have an idea. Another one.” 

He lifted an eyebrow and grinned.

“Why don’t we get really good at all the prerequisite steps before I return your shirt? A girl has to be sure that the underlying skills are there before attempting more complicated tasks.” She doubled over, laughing at the silly teacher joke. Steve couldn’t help but laugh along and yelp when she smacked him on the butt and encouraged him to get some coffee while she got dressed. 

When she closed the door to his bedroom, Jack nuzzled up under Steve’s hand and the man absentmindedly scratched behind his ears. The dog’s happy whine resonated. “I hear ya, buddy. I like her, too.”

Lia breathed deeply while she washed her face, unable to stop smiling. She got dressed in the previous day’s clothes and made sure she had all her stuff before calling for an Uber.

“I’ll take your shirt home and wash it before returning it, eventually.”

“Are you leaving already? I thought we’d hang out for awhile, work on those foundation skills.” 

“I have to go, Steve. I’ve got a fish to feed, things to do before work on Monday, lesson plans to write, and you’ve got work to revise. Welcome to the glamorous life of being a teacher’s boyfriend.”

“So we’re doing this, then? The girlfriend/boyfriend thing?”

Lia ran her hands over Steve’s t-shirt, feeling his chest, and trailing her fingers down his arm. She kissed him, encouraging him to let his hands move under her shirt. He was becoming increasingly aroused “Lia, tell me what you like. I want to make you feel good.” 

She directed him towards his couch and straddled his legs. She kissed him, slowly placing her lips behind his ear, his cheek, his neck. She was pleased with herself when he leaned his head back and moaned against her, grabbing her butt and pushing her against his rapidly growing erection. 

“Yes, we’re doing the girlfriend/boyfriend thing. Which grants you exclusive access in exchange for occasional backrubs, makeout sessions, and lifting heavy things.” They both chuckled, leaning their foreheads together. 

“My ride’s here, I gotta go.” Steve didn’t make it easy for Lia as she awkwardly scooted off his lap. He followed her to the door, grabbing her hips, trying to make her stay. Jack joined in, too. One last kiss and she headed outside. 

James worked on his student portfolios and actively avoided getting in touch with Lia. If he wasn’t going to man up and make a move, then he needed to leave her alone, get a life. When he saw the Caller ID as the phone rang, he made a snap decision.

“Hey Sara, how are you? I’m glad you called. Yeah, I’d like that, I’ll meet you there in an hour.”

 

The week before school vacation is always the longest in history. Teachers are anxious to finish what they need to and get on with their plans, and the kids know vacation is coming soon and are anxious to start early. Lia explained this to Steve a few weeks prior and told him the week before vacation would not be a good time to get together due to it. The last day of school before vacation had been particularly onerous and included hearing the word “no” at least 100 times, crying jags, spilled fluids of every type, and a complete lack of academic progress. Lia sat at her desk breathing deeply and trying to round up enough energy to clean up the room and leave it ready for when she came back. She was finding it hard, though. James had said goodnight awhile before, so her reliable source for help wasn’t available. She crossed her fingers when she heard her text alert.

Steve: Hey gorgeous. Just checking in to see that you’re making it through ok - and to tell you I miss you (and Jack does, too).  
Lia: Thanks love, that’s nice of you. Yeah, today was particularly crappy, but it’s over and it’s VACATION TIME. I miss you, too (don’t tell Jack, he’ll get jealous).  
Steve: Look outside your front classroom window.  
Lia: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lia’s heart started racing.

After they kissed hello, he looked around her class, making sweet and insightful comments. He had visited before, so he knew who had made what and what had changed since he was last there. She loved how observant he was.

“I love that you’re here, but why are you? I thought you had a late meeting tonight?”

“Lia do you have any idea what time it is? My meeting ended and you still hadn’t let me know you were home, so I took a chance you were here. I also wanted to congratulate you on getting through this week.” She looked at a clock and felt like she had been sucked into a time warp.

“I didn’t realize it was so late. Thanks for rescuing me.”

He helped her clean and set up for the week after vacation, with such a great attitude that it propelled her to work harder. She packed up and he carried her bag and held her hand as they bid Luke a good vacation. The night was beautiful - clear, warm, filled with stars. She and Steve had been dating for several months and the place in her heart for him had grown larger each time they were together. He had been so patient, waiting for her to feel ready for the next step, never pressuring her to do anything she didn’t want to. Little did he know how much she wanted to, how much she wanted to tell him she loved him.

He walked her to her door and hugged her, kissing the top of her head and rubbing her back. 

“Thanks for visiting me and walking me home, love. Will you come in for a few minutes? I’m not ready to say goodnight.”

Steve’s stomach started fluttering and his heart beat a bit faster when she asked him to come in, that she didn’t want to say goodnight. The last few months had been wonderful, other than the massive case of blue balls he had every time they said goodnight. He wanted her, more than he could adequately express, but he was determined not to pressure her in any way. He had been holding back, not even telling her he loved her (which he was sure of), because he didn’t want it to seem he was trying to influence her. 

She put her bag and coat down and started warming up water for tea. Steve didn’t love it, but she liked having a cup before bed, just to help her relax. She was nervous, so it served double duty - occupying her hands and letting her turn away from Steve for a minute. When she turned toward him, holding her cup of tea, he was on the couch, his arms extended. She put down the mug, sat on his lap, and wrapped her arms around him. 

 

Steve was getting very warm. She was kissing him and not stopping. She was kissing his neck and that spot behind his ear that made him lose his damn mind. He leaned back, trying to do the right thing.

“Lia. Lia baby, stop. Seriously, I haven’t seen you for over a week, and that,” she had turned to straddle him and kissed his collarbone, “is seriously making me crazy. I’ve only got so much self control.”

“Ok. I respect that. I’m sorry. Let me give you a minute to cool off - I’ll be right back. I wanna show you something I picked up for you. There are a couple of parts to it, so it’ll take me a second to get it all together.”

He leaned back and exhaled forcibly through his mouth. He was teetering dangerously close to following her, undressing her, and making love to her until she came with his name on her lips. He knew it would sound even better than when he imagined it when he was by himself. He took a sip of her tea, just to get his mind off of that scenario.

“Hey babe, can you come in here? I need your help.”

He got up, took another sip of tea, adjusted himself, and walked into her bedroom. 

“Have a seat, I’ll be right out.”

Lia looked in the mirror and breathed slowly in and out. The lingerie she purchased a month ago was beautiful and she felt that way when she tried it on. The black bra and underwear were covered by the t-shirt he had loaned her the first night she slept at his house. Her 21st-birthday diamond earrings sparkled and her hair was up in a loose bun. She was on the pill, but had condoms, too. She was ready. 

Steve was waiting, imagining what it would be like to take her here, now. He heard her voice and lazily turned his head towards it. He stopped breathing.

“You still want your t-shirt back?” 

It took him a minute to process what she said while she stood in the doorway. She looked even sexier than his most vivid fantasies. “Lia, please tell me this means what I think it means. I don’t think I’ll survive if it doesn’t.”

She smiled and stood in front of him, her hands resting on his shoulders. “It means what you think it means. First though, you are wearing far too many clothes. Can I help you with that?” He nodded and she started unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it out of his waistband, followed by his undershirt. When he was naked from the waist up, she couldn’t resist running her hands over his chest, his shoulders, his abdominal muscles. She looked up and kissed him, hard, while unbuckling his belt. 

“Can I?” echoing his question the first time they kissed. 

He smiled and nodded. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to hear you ask me that. Yes, you most certainly can. Quickly, please.” She did as he asked, leaving his underwear on, and placed his hands on her waist.

“Want me to take it off or do you want to do the honors?”

He held his breath and felt every single part of his body tighten as he pulled the shirt up over her head. He had seen her in a bra before, and she had even let him put his hands under it on a particularly memorable night, but this one was practically see-through, not leaving much to the imagination. She pulled his hands around to her back and led him to the clasp. He gently kissed the top of each breast and ran the flat of his palm over the part of the bra that covered her nipples and murmured, “You are so gorgeous. I can’t believe you’re mine.”

That sound. She was making the sound that fueled his fantasies, part-growl, part moan. He stepped out of his boxers and she did the same, both moving as fast as possible towards the moment.

“Steve baby, please, take it off. I love you, I need you.” He held her face in his hands, kissing her, then quickly unhooked her bra. His biggest thrill was not seeing her naked, but that she wasn’t nervous or shy - that she was ready to share herself with him, inside and out. She scooted herself back on her bed and motioned for him.

“I love you, Lia. I love you so much, baby.” They both sucked in a breath when their naked bodies pressed together. She kissed him, holding him to her with her arms, her legs, her mouth. She didn’t want to let him go.

Steve couldn’t think. Everything was Lia. He was here, with her and she said it, that she loved him. He wanted to take his time, to make her feel loved, beautiful, precious. She brought him back to the moment.

“Steve, we’ve got time to go slowly and enjoy each other, just not this time. Please, I need you. Now.”

“Do we need a condom?” She told him about the pill, and pulled him down to kiss her. She reached down to grab his rock-hard erection and used the tip of her thumb to smear the pre-cum over his shaft, then put that thumb in her mouth, making him growl. That was not a euphemism, he really growled, and she giggled.

His body was above her and he chuckled. “Are you laughing at the way I express my desire for you?” She answered him with a wet kiss while he nudged his knees between her legs, pushing her apart. When she saw him for the first time, she started gushing in anticipation of him inside her. He saw how red her face got and how wet she was, and it made his skin burn. With his head buried in her neck, he asked if she was ready and she practically jumped off the bed as an answer. 

Lia closed her eyes to block out almost everything but the feel of Steve gently pushing himself inside her. Once he was all the way in, she locked her ankles together behind his ass and lifted her pelvis up so he knew she wanted him to move. Immediately. 

“Open your eyes, Lia. I want you to see how much I love you as I fuck you senseless.” Lia had always been one for talking dirty, but never dreamed Steve was. Her smile was wicked as she asked if they could switch places and she could be on top. He had proven time and again that she wouldn’t hurt him, and she now trusted that. When he flipped them, she slid back a bit, letting him hit her most sensitive places again and again. She leaned forward kissing his neck, his chest, and then sitting up a bit so he could take her breasts into his mouth. That was almost enough to end her. She buried her face in his neck and rode him, hard, then sat up again and did the same. She whispered in his ear, “Baby, I need you to cum for me. Please, I need you, please.”

He flipped her and with one last thrust tensed every muscle and came. The last jolt of his cock inside her had her following him. Her voice sounded as raw and as sexy as he imagined as she said his name again and again, holding him as tightly as she could. They came down together, their sweaty bodies clinging to each other, not wanting to move apart just yet. 

It was all she could do not to fall asleep, but she needed him. Needed him to talk to her, to stay with her.

He didn’t want to pull out, pull away. He wanted to hold her and spend as long as it took to tell her how happy he was, how incredible it was for him, how soon he wanted to ravish her again. He got a washcloth and cleaned them both up, and she kissed him sleepily.

“Will you stay? Please?” He looked hurt that she asked, but he sweetly pushed the hair off of her face, letting his fingers rest on her cheek. He laid on his back and she extended her arm across his chest, hooked one of her legs over him, and kissed him quietly as she drifted into sleep. 

“As long as you’ll have me.”


	8. Sexy Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman. Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful. Will they figure out how to find each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank each and every one of you that has read my work, liked it, and commented on it. It means so much to me! Just a warning, this is definitely NSFW 18+ content. BIG TIME. In fact, I kinda surprised myself writing this...my inner smut goddess must be trying to get out - and succeeding. :) Big time shout out to Hayley, @HMarvel31 for providing invaluable feedback, time, and energy to help me with this story, and to @MsEnglish101 for all the moral support AND....being my NYC expert!!! #lobbyheropals. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

James sighed as he looked at the clock.  He was going to be late for his date with Sara.  He was almost done with report cards. They were due tomorrow, so he couldn’t leave until he had filled them all out.

 

**Sara:** Hi cutie, how’s it coming?

**James:** Slowly, but I’m almost done.

**Sara:** Any chance you’ll make it to the party? Everyone really wants to meet you.

**James:** I might be late, but I promise I’ll be there.  Is that ok?

**Sara:** Sure, no problem.  Text me when you’re on your way.

 

She always made him smile.  They had met out at a local sports bar and exchanged numbers, but he had quickly forgotten her in the wake of Hurricane Lia.  When he decided to meet her out, he didn’t think he would enjoy himself, but he was pleasantly surprised. She was fun, her friends were great, and she wasn’t a teacher which meant his personal and private lives were distinct, separate.  It didn’t take him long to stop comparing her to Lia in every way and start appreciating her as she deserved. 

 

He finally entered the last bits of data, saved his work, and closed up for the night.  He wasn’t surprised to see Lia when he walked by her door - she was doing the exact same thing he was. He knocked on her window and barely contained his surprise when a very large, very blonde man stepped up to open the door.   From the look on Lia’s face alone, it was clear this was Steve. She was beaming. When he stood next to her, his hand protectively on her shoulder, James got the message.

 

Lia jumped up and hugged James, which surprised both men. “James - please tell me you finished.  It’ll give me hope.” He nodded, and gave her a weary cheer when she said she only had one more to do.

 

“Hi, I’m Steve, nice to finally meet you, James. Lia talks about you all the time.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Steve.  My girlfriend would probably say the same thing about Lia.”

 

Lia laughed, “Well, work spouses have an important place in each other’s lives.  You can’t just leave them at the office.” She didn’t want to have any weirdness between the two most important men in her life.  She loved them differently, but she loved them both. Steve knew about her long friendship and almost-more relationship with James, followed by a phenomenal evening of sex, sex, and more sex so he would not doubt that he was the most important person in Lia’s personal life.  

 

Sara knew about Lia, but not the part about James’s feelings.  Their relationship was still new, and James didn’t want to spook her by oversharing.  For now, she knew who Lia was, that they had been friends and co-workers for years, and were mainstays in each other’s lives.  She seemed to have accepted that, and James was glad, because he didn’t want to get caught up in explaining Lia’s place in his life, in his heart, just yet.  He wasn’t quite as over the idea of “them” as Lia clearly was.

 

After James and Lia congratulated each other on a job well done and he bid Steve goodnight, he walked to meet Sara at her friend’s house.  He decided to stop on the way to get some flowers, hopefully they would make up for his tardiness, and maybe later he could make it up to her in a much more enjoyable way.

 

Steve looked at Lia, sitting at her desk, working on report cards, humming along to the music she played through the classroom speakers, and was content, satisfied, in love.  Before James left, Steve saw how much her colleague meant to her, and though it smarted a bit, he knew James was a non-negotiable part of Lia’s life. If Steve wanted Lia, he had to accept her relationship with James, so he did.  He had to admit that it was easier after Lia told him James had a girlfriend and it seemed to be getting serious. 

 

He still marveled at the change in her since their first night together - no more hesitation or embarrassment, she was adventurous, curious, voracious.  They could not keep their hands off each other when they were alone, which made for vivid daydreams when they weren’t. Just looking at her now gave him all kinds of delicious ideas of what he wanted to do to her once they got to his place.  

Lia panted as Steve held her hips and thrust into her again and again, leaning over her back, rubbing and twisting her nipples in an attempt to make her cum before him.  “Oh my God, baby, yes, please, harder!” She was hit by an orgasm so violent she could barely stay on her knees, and the vice grip she had on his cock was all he needed to reach his own climax.  

 

“Fuck Lia, oh baby, fuck!” was all Lia heard before they both hit the bed.  Her breathing was almost back to normal, but what she loved most was the feeling of complete balance and peace within her after Steve edged her and then finally let her release everything.  It was not only intensely pleasurable, but also cathartic. It helped Lia let go of everything and be there, with him, in the moment. 

 

“We are getting pretty damn good at this.”  Steve’s face was flushed, his eyes closed, and his arms wrapped around Lia, kissing her shoulder, her neck, her cheeks.  Lia nodded in agreement and ran her hands over every part of him she could reach, feeling him shake when she touched below his belly button and skipped her fingers down through his beautiful blonde, curly hair.

 

He wiggled and laughed as he usually did. “Your nails give me goosebumps.” He turned over to see her eyes closing.  Though he wanted to sleep, too, he always loved how calm she was after they made love. She was the same Lia he’d seen the first night she slept at his house - the one who was both relaxed  _ and _ happy, the one that didn’t try to hide anything or overcompensate.  The one he loved so much it hurt to think about his life without her.

Weekends were usually spent at Steve’s house, mainly because of Jack’s need to be outside.  Lia didn’t mind, she loved the house, loved being outside with Jack, who had wholeheartedly made her his human.  Sometimes Steve’s family or friends came over, sometimes it was hers, but it was always fun. 

 

Lia was initially nervous around his siblings, nieces, nephews, and of course, his Mom and Dad, but after a day at a family picnic, she felt much more at ease.  She was surprised, nervous, and a bit unhinged when his Mom and sisters invited her with them for a spa day, but as Steve told her, it’s because they got the sense of how important Lia was to him and wanted to know her better.  After her nerves settled and she stopped running her mouth nonstop, she had a great time. Lia understood immediately that yes, they were the reason Steve was so enlightened, so special, and she knew she wanted to know them better.  They made her feel welcomed and accepted, and they soon began texting regularly. Steve didn’t know whether to be scared or delighted. Lia told him he should be prepared for both.

 

Most of the time Lia woke up first, but that day Steve was just returning from walking the chocolate furball and kissed her awake.  She stretched and shivered as she did, putting her arms around his neck and pulling him to her. 

 

“Your hugs are the best in the world.  Even if I wasn’t madly and deeply in love with you I would line up for them.”  

 

“Thanks, I’ll make sure to tell my Mom you said that.  She is a big-time hugger.” Lia hopped up to use the shower and do her morning stuff, and Steve had breakfast waiting for her when she finished.  As she dried her hair with his towel, she wrapped her arms around him from the back while he cooked. She gave up on tempting him and starting setting the table.

 

“Babe, these flowers are beautiful!  Where did you get them?” Steve appreciated how positive she always was - it was the preschool teacher in her - praising him for any- and everything that made her happy or impressed her.  It was always sincere, genuine - just like her, and it made him feel like he could do anything. He filled her in on their morning walk, and then got quiet. Well, quieter than usual since Lia usually talked enough for both of them.  She finally noticed, and when she asked him if he was ok, he took a big breath. She tried to calm the nervous premonitions.

 

“Where do you see us going?” He said it so casually, she was taken aback at the gravity of the question. 

 

“That’s a pretty loaded question.  I’d love to know why you asked.” He looked down at his coffee cup, tapping the spoon against the rim.

 

“It’s been almost a year since you were so excited to meet me you considered ditching me before and after you left your place.”  Lia had shared that story of how Maddie had to convince her to go and how she almost ran out when she saw him waiting for her in the restaurant.  

 

_ Good, he’s smiling. _ _ It can’t be all bad. _

 

“I was wondering if you feel like I do.  Like the last year was the start of something bigger.”  He looked up after he said it. The spoon went from tapping to drumming, with his foot in concert.

 

Her face held her comforting “it’s gonna be ok” smile.  The one he saw when she took care of him when he was sick, the one he saw when he had a bad day and didn’t want to be alone but didn’t tell her that and she showed up like magic, and the one that told him she wasn’t scared to have this conversation.  

 

She put her hand over his to calm the drumming and silently gestured that she’d be back in a minute.  Steve heard her rummaging around in the bedroom closet he’d cleaned out for her, followed by “Aha!” Jack was all over that, he was as nosy as she was, and so they came back to the kitchen together, Jack depositing a bubble-wrapped envelope at Steve’s feet.

 

“This might answer your question. “ 

 

His face was full of suspicion as he opened the gift.  His eyes widened and his mouth opened when he realized it was two plane tickets with the destination listed as her home state.  

 

“I already talked to Carly and the other guys and cleared an extra- long weekend for you, and it’s summer vacation for me, so I thought….and I bought the cancellation insurance so if you didn’t want to go, you don’t have to feel guilty….”

 

She stopped talking when he sprung out of his seat and crashed into her, his hands holding her face, his mouth enveloping hers.  When they broke apart, she was beatific and he, well, he was crying. She wiped away the tears and searched his face for answers.  He spoke slowly and carefully. “Thank you, love. I guess I wasn’t sure that you felt as strongly as I did, but I know how much your family means to you and to introduce me to them….” She was hugging him now, holding his head to her shoulder.  

 

“I love you Steven Grant Rogers, completely, deeply, madly.  You need to meet my family because they need to see how important you are to me, how much a part of my life you’ve become.  The biggest part.” Their kiss was slow and sweet and perfect. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The end of the school year approached and Lia and Steve were together more than they weren’t.  When it was time to renew her lease, it wasn’t difficult for Steve to convince her to give up her apartment and move in with him.  Since she was there so often, it was almost a non-event from Lia’s perspective. Not Steve’s though - he welcomed her with flowers, new sheets and blankets, her own closet, but the biggest surprise was his secret conversion of one of the spare bedrooms into an office with a door, so she could work in peace without Jack barging in.  Lia was so touched, she convinced him to christen the room immediately.

 

Steve was nervous.  When he arrived at work a few days after Lia had moved in, but before they left for their trip to meet her family, his baby sister came into his office and closed the door behind her.

 

“Are you ok? You’ve been acting weird for a few days.”

 

Steve knew she was right.  He had been jumpy and impatient, which was not like him.  

 

“Yeah, I’m ok.  Thanks Carls.”

 

Carly may have been younger, but she was no pushover.  She was not leaving it at that.

 

“C’mon, Steve, spill it.  What’s going on? Are you second-guessing Lia moving in? The trip?”

 

“NO! Absolutely not.  It has nothing to do with that, at all.  Honestly.” He looked at his youngest sister, the one he had always been closest to, and exhaled.  “I just want it to go well, is all. I love her Carls, I really do, I just hope her family likes me.”

 

“And?  What else?” Steve let a laugh escape.  She was a tough nut.

 

“...and…” He pulled out the black velvet jewelry box from his desk.  Carly smiled and hit him in the arm. 

 

“I’ve never felt so nervous, not even when I led night patrols in the dessert.  I’m going to ask her family for their blessing, and I’m going to propose while we’re there.”  His face was a combination of hope and fear. 

 

“So why are you so nervous?  You know Lia loves you. You know every single parent of every girl you dated has loved you.  There’s nothing to be scared of - she’s going to say ‘yes,’ ya big idiot.”

 

A laugh may have escaped.  “Thanks Carls. I appreciate the vote of confidence.  Ok, now that you know - and you and Mom are the only ones that know - let me get back to work, ok?”  Carly agreed and Steve put all his effort into finishing up the last few details of his projects before they left.  

 

**Lia:** Hiya handsome, whatcha doing?

**Steve:** Trying to finish up all these last-minute things before we leave.

**Lia:** Alright, well then I’ll let you be.  Just wanted to tell you SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER!!!  I am soooooooooooo excited!!!!

**Steve:** Congratulations!

**Lia:** Any idea what time you’ll be home tonight? I’ve got a special supper planned.  It’s called “Eat anything left in the fridge before we leave for 5 days.” Oh, and who’s bringing Jack to the kennel?

**Steve:** 1\. Not sure about time, all depends on these projects. I’ll text you when I leave, but eat without me.  2. The kennel closes at 7, so would you mind bringing him? Don’t forget the stuff in the bag by the door.

**Lia:** Got it.  I’ll let you get back to work and I’ll text you after I’ve dropped him off.  Love you!

**Steve:** Thanks, I love you, too.

 

When Steve got home, it was unusually quiet - no dog snores or nails slipping on the tiles as he ran - but the light was on in the bedroom, which meant Lia was either up or had fallen asleep with the light on.  It was 50/50.

 

“Steve?”  After reassuring her and being directed towards dinner, Lia walked out of the room with his t-shirt on.  THE t-shirt. That was always a good sign. She stood behind him and hugged him, kissing his neck and running her hands down his chest.

 

“To what do I owe this friskiness on a school night?”  She jumped around and laughed behind him, all low and throaty, immediately making him twitch.  “The fact that it’s not a school night. I. AM. ON. VACATION!”

She stood in front of him and straddled his legs, one of her favorite places to be.  She started kissing him gently, just pecks on his eyes, his cheeks, his mouth, ears, neck.

 

“I got very excited when I realized that Jack is at the kennel.”  She continued, unbuttoning his shirt slowly and kissing every newly-exposed patch of skin.  “...and in our efforts to keep sex a twosome and not a threesome we’ve never had sex in the living room, or the backyard, or the kitchen, or anywhere without a door.  I got all kinds of excited thinking of the possibilities.” Steve leaned back to look at her and she laughed at his scandalized expression. “Yes, you heard me right. You in? Sure you’re not too tired?”

 

“Lia, if I  _ ever _ say I’m too tired when you offer a sex tour of the house, bring me to a doctor, or the cemetery.”  

 

Her grin widened as she pushed closer to him.  “Where shall we start?”

 

“How about right here.  This is a very comfortable position.”  

 

She was no longer pecking but licking, sucking, and devouring. Steve could not believe this woman was in his life.  He lifted off the shirt, thrilled to find only her panties underneath. He buried his face in her chest, suddenly ravenous for her.  He put his arms around her and leaned her back so he could lick down as far as possible, eliciting his favorite sound in the entire world.  She pulled his hair, yanking his head up, and kissed him, almost violently, while scooting off his lap and pulling his pants off. When she walked away and came back with a pillow to kneel on, he almost came then and there.  

 

“Lia….”

 

She put a single finger to his lips. “Shhhhhhhh, I wanna take care of you.  Plus, we won’t be able to do this for the entire time we’re at my parent’s house, so we need to be satisfied beforehand.”  Her ability to give head was unbelievable, a gift. Her tongue was everywhere and her mouth was so warm and wet and inviting, he never wanted to leave it.  He closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair, enjoying his pleasure build from her fingers pumping him while she licked every part of him.

 

She could tell he was close when he breathed out hard through his nose with each stroke and suddenly grabbed her hair, growling out, “STOP” as he emptied into her mouth for what seemed like minutes.  When he was softer and whimpering for her to hold him, she slowly let him fall out of her mouth, ending with a wet pop that made him shudder. 

 

He was spent, which made her feel good.  She sat across his lap with her head on his chest and one arm around his shoulders.  Other than being completely aroused and dying for a turn, she was perfectly content. He kissed the top of her head and ran his fingers down her arm, gently rubbing the jiggly parts she had always been self-conscious about before.

 

He spoke softly while resting his chin on the top of her head.  

 

“Do you understand how beautiful you are?  Do you understand how much I want you, all the time?”  He felt her shift her bum against his naked lap. It was done innocently, but resulted in a decidedly different kind of reaction from him.  She giggled.

 

“Ready for round two Captain?”  She was so proud of his military service, and loved calling him by his earned rank.  The first time she said it, it wasn’t planned, but she was surprised at how much it excited both of them.

 

The rest of the night was a sweaty, loud, unruly blur.  They took turns giving and receiving, and by the time they ended up in the shower together, Lia was so sore and sensitive she could barely stand upright, but she had never felt so free and sexy and safe.  She turned into him and kissed this man whom she never imagined could be her everything, and wrapped her arms around him.

 

“Thank you.”   
  


“Lia, I think I should be the one thanking you.  This was your idea.”

 

“Tonight shattered the definition of “great,” but I’m thanking you for something else.”  She lifted her head to see him staring at her, water running down their faces, his full of joy and comfort and love.  “I’m thanking you for being you, for being with me, for being everything that I want.” He kissed her so softly that she almost didn’t register his lips under the pounding water.

 

Steve’s heart was no longer his own.  It belonged to her. He had no words to respond, so he hugged her and dried off, letting her finish her hair.  When she came out of the shower, wearing sweats and drowning in one of his hoodies, something hit him, hard, an urgency that was going to overtake him if he didn’t do something about it.

 

She got under the covers and leaned over to kiss and snuggle with him.  “This is my favorite state of being in the entire world. Freshly fucked ten ways from Sunday, clean, warm, and snuggling with my love.  There is only one thing that would make this better…..”

 

“Lia, marry me.”

 

“...ice cream.  What?”  _ There is no way you heard that.  Your sex-addled brain hallucinated. _

 

Steve got up and walked to her side of the bed, threw off the covers and pulled her cold feet towards the side so she faced him.  In his sweats and t-shirt, with wet hair and red cheeks, he knelt and moved between her legs in order to grasp her hands. He always had the box with him, afraid she’d find it.  He took it out and opened it, watching her eyes fill. 

 

“Lia Elisabetta Accorsi, I had this whole plan to ask your family for their blessing and to propose at the park with the beautiful sunset you told me about.  The one you dreamed would be the place you got married?” Her nod and silent tears and smile and love made him forget his nerves. “But I couldn’t wait a second longer.  I had to ask you now, had to tell you that you are my everything. You are my person and I cannot imagine my life without you. Please tell me you will marry me.”

 

Lia was shocked.  Her brain was completely quiet, still, turned off.  There were no words, no sound, just Steve. She looked at his beautiful face and though it seemed like minutes, it was only a few seconds before she leaned forward and cradled his face in her hands, lovingly whispering “yes, of course I will” tears flowing as the words left her.  He hugged her as tightly as he could, letting her cry and laugh and hug him back. He took her hand and slid the engagement ring on. It swirled on her finger a bit, but she was entranced. The emerald-cut diamond was set in an 18K white gold setting with smaller diamonds on the side.  It was stunning - everything she never knew she wanted. 

  
  


It was hers.  He was hers. She eventually stopped crying and stood as he did, hugging him hard.  When she started giggling, he looked at her quizzically.

 

“Maybe we don’t have to tell my parents that the proposal was preceded by a night of hedonism?  It might tarnish their first impression of you.”

 

“I don’t want to tell anyone.  It is going to be our story, and ours alone.”


	9. Life As They Know It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman. Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful. Will they figure out how to find each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I want to give EVERYONE a heads up. This chapter has some angst, but very minor compared to what is coming up starting in CHAPTER 10. 
> 
> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - if you are triggered or upset by unexpected very serious issues surrounding health and illness (mental and physical), PLEASE DO NOT READ THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS.
> 
> You can't skip the chapters, the issues that come up are critical to the story's development. If you want a synopsis, please just message me and I'd be happy to sum it up for you.
> 
> Thank you all for your kindness, your reads, and your support. @HMarvel31 and @MsEnglish101 remain my lifelines for helping me produce better work and becoming a better writer. - Steph

He asked her.  She said yes. Lia was getting married.  

 

“What’s up? Everything ok Buck?”  James turned to Sara who was making both of them some coffee.  She was wearing one of his shirts that just grazed her beautiful behind that she threw on just so she wouldn’t be naked.  He tried convincing her that there was nothing wrong with naked, then he got Lia’s text.

 

“Yeah, everything is good.  Lia texted me. Steve proposed to her last night and she said yes.”  

 

“That’s so great! Was she surprised? How did he do it? Have they talked about plans yet?”

 

James laughed.  Sara’s enthusiasm was infectious.  He motioned her over and put down his phone so he could hold her on his lap.  “It is  _ so _ great.  Here, read her texts, that way you’ll know what I know.”

 

**Lia A:** Good morning to my best friend and work spouse.  Hope I didn’t wake you or interrupt anything?

**JBB** : Good morning to you, too, work SO.  Nope, been awake for awhile. Not interrupting anything…..yet.

**Lia A** : Ewww.  LOL. (but good for you guys- say hi to Sara for me!)

**JBB:** What’s up? Everything ok?

**Lia A:** Yes, everything is really really ok.  Steve proposed last night, and I said yes.

**JBB:** Lia!!!! Congratulations!!! That’s wonderful, I am so happy for both of you.  Please tell Steve it’s about time. :)

**Lia A:** Ok, I will…..maybe.  We’re leaving on our trip tomorrow, so maybe when we get back you and I can hang out? Talk? (and not shop, real life stuff)

**JBB:** That would be great Li, of course.  Just let me know when you get back and we’ll do it.  Have a great trip, and please say hi to your family for me.  Tell them I can’t wait to see them at the wedding.

**Lia A:** Oh boy.  Wedding. Yeah, sure, I’ll say hi for you.  I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to see you when the time comes.  Have a great first week of vacation, J. 

 

Another few minutes of speculating and Sara convinced James to come back to bed with her - it didn’t take much effort on her part.  James felt guilty. While he was with Sara he couldn’t get his mind off of Lia’s news. The thunk his heart felt when he read her text surprised him.  Wasn’t he over Lia? He pushed that out of his mind to give Sara the attention she deserved. He was soon lost in her, Lia just a shadow.

  
  


Lia woke up before sunrise, wrapped in Steve’s legs and their shared blankets.  She found her ring on the nightstand where she put it out of fear it would fall off while she slept.  It’s weight felt funny and new, but welcomed. Wrapped in Steve’s hoodie she took some tea out to the backyard and sat in the chair that had slowly become hers.  It felt so strange, but her mind was quiet. Her thoughts drifted to Steve but that felt normal, natural, flowing. For once, she didn’t question, she just sat with the calm.  

 

“Good morning.”  Steve’s voice at the start of the day was husky, raw, magnetic.  She smiled when she heard it. He did a deep-knee bend in front of her seat so he could look at her.  He gently fit his hand under the hood and pushed it off. Immediately she tried pulling her hair back, taming it, the same hand stopping her then cupping her cheek.  He was always so warm, she couldn’t help but lean into it. 

 

“Good morning.”  She leaned forward, kissing him gently. 

 

He looked right through her.  “So, wanna get married today?” Lia’s laugh was big and happy.  She stood up and walked to make some coffee.

 

“Sure, let me just get my water bottle, pull my hair up in a ponytail and get down to the courthouse in my PJ’s.  You know, just like going to work every day.” She continued to snicker as he followed her with his hands on, and eventually, around her waist.  He leaned down to kiss her neck, and she snaked her hand up behind him, holding the back of his head.

 

“I’m serious, Lia.  I was so nervous about proposing that thinking about afterwards wasn’t a possibility, but the minute I did, I knew I wanted to be your husband as soon as possible.”

 

“Why the rush? God knows I don’t want a huge princess wedding, but right away?  Is something worrying you?

 

He paused instead of answering “no” automatically.  Was he worried about something? In the past, he’d been insecure about James, about the feelings she told him about.  Did he doubt Lia’s feelings for him? No. Could he imagine his life without her? No. Did he want to mess up the best thing that had ever happened to him? No.

 

Did he love her with all his heart and soul? Yes.

 

Did she feel the same? 

 

“I’m worried that you don’t love me as much as I love you.  I’m sorry.”

 

She pulled away and sat down.  Looking at him as he sat down beside her, Steve was gutted as she cried.

 

Lia was stunned.  Steve had never hinted he felt this way.  Sure, he had been straight with her about his feelings from the beginning, but had never shown any doubt about hers, just accepted and appreciated them.  She had learned awhile ago that though her first reaction might be to get upset or defensive, there was almost always a grain of truth in a statement like this.  

 

She trusted him, she had to believe he wasn’t making a wild accusation.

 

_ Have you been holding back? Do you love him with all your heart? _

 

Her unequivocal answer was yes.  She did.

 

“Steve, I’m not going to ask you how I can prove that I do feel the same.  I’m not going to list all the reasons why I love you more than anyone in my life.  I’m not going to try to convince you, because I think and I hope you already know.”

 

He exhaled deeply, feeling his legs shake, his heart pound.  He still wasn’t looking at her.

 

She lifted his chin up, running her fingers along his jawline “What I am going to do is tell you why I think your Mom is great.”  She smiled at his confusion.

 

“Your Mom is a great woman because she is strong.  She doesn’t hesitate to tell someone what’s what, and she encouraged her children to do the same.”  Lisa gently took Steve’s hand and ran hers over his knuckles as she spoke.

 

“She’s kind and caring.  She notices when someone is hurting and she doesn’t hesitate to reach out and help them, in big and small ways.  She made sure her sons knew the importance of showing how you feel, enabling them to be vulnerable and open and loving at the same time as they were strong and proud.”  She lifted the massive hand to her lips and kissed it.

 

“Your Mom is brave.  She’s a breast cancer survivor, she’s a wife, mom, grandmother, aunt, sister.  She taught all her important people to seize the moment, to work hard, but to appreciate the good things.  To take time to be happy, to love, to play, to share.” She placed the inside curve of his hand against her cheek, and closed her eyes, tears brimming.

 

“I love your Mom because she was your teacher, your springboard, your compass.  She put you on the path to being the man you are today, and never, as long as I live, will I be able to thank her sufficiently for that.  She made it possible for this loving, caring, thoughtful, beautiful, smart, brave man to be a part of my life, forever. Until death do us part, I will thank her for giving you to me.  For making you the man that loves me the way you do. For making me the luckiest woman in the world.” 

 

The tears leaked out and fell silently on Steve’s hand.  A sob escaped when he moved his other hand to completely cup her face.  He gently pulled her towards him and kissed her softly, chastely, perfectly.  

 

“I’m so sorry Steve.  I love you so much and I’m sorry you didn’t know that.”

 

He shook his head, “I guess I wasn’t listening hard enough.”  He wrapped his arms around her and hugged away their tears, their mutual insecurity.  As her head lay on his chest, she heard him laugh. She slowly pulled back and looked up at his smiling eyes.

 

“Now I’m wondering if you want to marry my Mom, instead of me.”  They laughed together, 

 

“No, but she’s not a bad second choice, just in case you chicken out.”  She pecked his cheek as he squeezed her once more.

The weekends were usually spent at Sara’s place, simply because it was cleaner.  When James left to go home on Sunday afternoon, he wanted to text Lia. He wanted her to know how happy he was for her and Steve.  He didn’t though, because he was mad. Mad at Steve, but more to the point, mad at himself.  _ Guess the faster man won, huh? _

 

His feelings for Lia were in the rearview, no longer a preoccupation, but he had regrets, big ones.  He cared a lot about Sara, and was happy. He hoped she was happy, too. He never wanted to be the cause of her unhappiness, she didn’t deserve that.  He thought that maybe, if he went all in on being happy for Steve and Lia, the fake feelings would give way to real joy for the person he never wanted to lose as a friend.  It was worth a shot. He silently prayed it would work.

The flight was uneventful, and Steve’s low rumbling laugh got louder as Lia’s face became increasingly animated the closer they got to the gate.  She hadn’t seen her parents in almost a year, not even going home for Christmas. There had been a lot of drama over that one, but they begrudgingly accepted that she wanted to spend some vacation time with the man in her life.  That, and the flights were ridiculously expensive - that’s when they finally let her off the hook.

 

Lia looked left at her fiance and squeezed his hand.  Her ring was in her purse, in a small locked travel jewelry box that she must have checked at least 100 times since they left.  Steve refused to let her leave it at home, wanting to be honest and straightforward with her parents when they met. 

 

“You nervous?”

 

He shook his head.  “Not really. In my opinion, the most nerve-wracking part is over.  If I hadn’t already proposed then I’d probably be puking now.”

 

She chuckled.  “Definitely not a good look when you meet someone’s parents for the first time.”

Lia’s parents and siblings were dazzled by Steve.  His manners, his history, his work, but most of all, his obvious adoration of their daughter.  After a day or so of settling into separate rooms (she told Steve to expect that) and the subsequent long drives to “show him the area”, Steve invited them out for dinner.  There was no hiding his nervousness. 

 

Lia’s Dad took her aside as they walked to the restaurant.  “He’s a great guy, Lia. Do you love him as much as I think you do?”  She smiled brightly and nodded as she held her father’s arm.

 

Dinner was delicious, with Steve eating little and repeatedly squeezing Lia’s hand and leg under the table.  When dessert and coffee were served, she squeezed back and nodded to him as she excused herself to the restroom.

 

“Mr. and Mrs. Accorsi, I want to marry your daughter, and I wanted to ask for your blessing to do so.”  Her parents smiled, a knowing look on their faces. 

 

“Thank you for asking, Steve.  It’s obvious how much you love her, and that she feels the same.  As people that have been married for 48 years, just remember to be sure you know how to get through the hard times, and never take the happy ones for granted.”

 

Both men stood as Lia walked back to the table.  Even though Steve had already asked and she accepted, the presence of her parents made Lia feel wobbly.  After Steve pulled out her chair he came around to her, got on one knee, and held her hand. Looking at him in his suit in the glow of candlelight, with his eyes wide and cheeks red, she couldn’t help but sniffle.  

 

His proposal this time was different, but just as romantic and perfect.  When she said yes, the entire restaurant cheered and Lia’s face burned as they hugged and kissed.  Her tears were even bigger as her parents shook Steve’s hand and kissed their only daughter, ooooohing and ahhhhing over the ring that Lia was glad to have back on her finger.

 

Steve relaxed considerably after that night, and Lia was no longer afraid to let anything slip.  Her favorite moment of the trip was when she and Steve found a nearby beach past sundown, so other people were scarce.  They sat on the beach with a blanket, a bottle of wine, and watched the waves. As the night went on, Steve made a fire, gave her his coat, and kissed her until she couldn’t breathe.  They walked through the edge of the water, and Lia thought she would never forget that night as long as she lived.

When they returned home, relaxed and happy and publicly engaged, they made some decisions about where and when they would get married.  They would be married where they lived now, in a small ceremony with their closest friends and family. Later on, they would have a reception in her hometown for all of Lia’s family that couldn’t make it to the ceremony.  The wedding party would be small, with James and Maddie and their siblings. When they had the date, the place, and the people, Lia felt calmer, Steve more secure. They spent the summer nights making love and planning, and the summer days thinking about life ahead.


	10. Life Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman. Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful. Will they figure out how to find each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!Warnings: YES THERE ARE WARNINGS!!!! 
> 
> Hi all! The great and mighty @HMarvel31 read this, and her reaction helped me decide to say the following. I am NOT trying to be dramatic, just proactive and (hopefully) helpful.
> 
> This chapter and the ones that follow are full of ANGST, SADNESS, Life/Death Issues. IF YOU ARE SIGNIFICANTLY UPSET by these issues, please do not read. PLEASE. I don’t want anyone to have difficulties as a result of something I wrote. (I also realize that I may be making WAY more of this than is necessary, but I’d rather be safe than sorry)

Black.  Everything was black and blurry and loud and pain and hurt.  All Lia heard was a wooshing sound, like she was being sucked down under the water.  She couldn’t open her eyes, they were too heavy. She couldn’t understand, it was too loud.  She couldn’t speak, no one could hear her. She fell into the black, letting it have her, since there was nothing keeping her above it.

 

Gray.  There was muted light seeping under her barely-cracked eyelids, accompanied by some kind of music - maybe the classical music station? Beeps and clicks in an urgent beat were her current soundtrack, but it was still too loud.  She couldn’t hear, still couldn’t talk, still couldn’t feel more than the gray mottling her every sense, making it impossible for her to move, to scream, to figure out what was going on.

 

Light.  Bright light, bright enough to burn her eyes, to make her want to hide her face.  She saw red through her eyelids and tried to screw them shut even tighter. Anything to keep the light out.  The light hurt. The music was there, but it was a cacophony of voices, sounds, beat, pain. Lia felt the pain and it stopped all thoughts.  She felt it crawl up her body and seize her like a giant squeezing its tiny prey. She heard a voice, a solo, high and loud and off-key. The pain ignited and thankfully, the black returned.

____________________________________________________________________

“C’mon Lia, hurry up, or you’re cleaning up the mess Jack makes!”  

 

Running wasn’t Lia’s strong suit, but she pulled on her shoes and walked faster than usual to meet her guys.  As Jack held court in the dog park, Lia leaned against Steve’s shoulder and breathed in him. He leaned to her and kissed the top of her head.

 

“I have a surprise for you.” He picked up her left hand and thumbed over her ring.  

 

“School starts soon, and before the craziness begins, I thought we could go away for a few days.  My project is done, wedding planning is just waiting for a few things, and you’re still on vacation.  I want a few days alone with you before I lose you to a room full of under-5 year-olds.”

 

“What do you have in mind?” After they corralled Jack, Lia and Steve held hands and talked about spending time at Steve’s parents’ beach house.  They quickly packed a few things for them and Jack and headed out.

 

Lia loved the beach, but in an odd twist, preferred to be there after dusk.  Fewer people, diminished chance of sunburn, and free reign to find sea glass and heart rocks to add to her collection.  Jack could run freely and play in the water in the evening, so Lia took him out while Steve grabbed dinner. She picked up some good additions to her collection and turned when she heard Jack bark at Steve.  She waved and found her way back to the house, standing side-by-side with him to cook. They ate on the deck, looking at the water and generally feeling blissful. Lia was suddenly excited by an idea.

 

“What would you think about coming here for our honeymoon, love?  Do you think your family would be ok with it?”

 

“I don’t see why not - we’d just have to make sure there were no plans for the house that week - and they’re going to be your family, too.  I’ll text everyone now. Want in on the group text? I know how you love those.”

 

While he fielded the initial flurry of responses, Lia stepped inside to change.  As the darkness enveloped the house and she stepped outside Lia’s amazement was renewed at a sky unaffected by light pollution.  Steve leaned on the deck railing, breathing in the smell of the water and the night.

 

“Hey handsome,” she touched the railing, feeling a shiver as a breeze ran across her skin.  She was lightly covered by her sheer white robe and panties. He audibly sucked in his breath when he saw her, reaching for her waist to bring them closer.  

 

“Wow, sexy would not be adequate.  When did you get this?”

[White Bridal Lingerie](https://www.yandy.com/Plus-Size-Kelly-Crochet-Bridal-Robe-Set.php)

“I saw it online and thought it might be nice for our honeymoon, but when I saw how good it looked, I had to pack it.”

 

His eyes stared straight through her.  She no longer needed to hide anything, didn’t need to be anything other than herself.  She ran her fingers up his arms and laced them together at the back of his neck.

 

“I love you, you know that, right?  You know I belong to you, don’t you?.”

 

She loved when his face was aroused, hungry, wanting.  She closed her eyes as his tongue ran over her pulse point, eliciting exactly the sound he was hoping for.   

 

His raw voice accelerated her longing.  “God, I love you. Can I please take you to bed?”  She held his wrist and pulled him to their room, while opening her robe with the other hand.  

 

Steve only saw the back of the robe as it flew open, but he didn’t have to work hard to imagine her nipples hard from arousal and the night air, her tummy soft and beautiful, her core waiting for him to please her in every way she liked best.  

 

The light from the moon was more than enough to let them see each other.  She pulled his shirt off and lightly flicked her tongue over his nipples, her naked torso rubbing against him and her robe fluttering around her.

 

She continued her path down his stomach before pulling his jeans down, taking his briefs with them.  She was continually amazed that this man, this perfect example of her preferred type of masculinity, was hers, was clearly excited to be with her.

 

When she stood next to her naked love, he ran his hands under the shoulders of her robe and easily slipped it to the floor.  He kneeled in front of her, kissing every single part of her and pulling her panties down at the same time. He gently pushed her back on their bed, and laid on top of her, kissing her with all his love and desire channeled into each lick, each caress.  Her eyes were closed, processing the shocks running through her body and mind.

 

“Baby, please.  I need you inside.  Please.”

 

He beamed down at her.  “I know love, I can’t wait to be there.”

 

He entered her savagely, perfectly, completely, exactly as she craved.  He felt his eyes roll back as she clamped around him, pulling him in as he plunged over and over, biting his shoulder as he fucked her into the mattress.  Her cries of pleasure spurred him on, wanting her to cum first, to explode around him. He leaned into her, licking the pulse point.

 

She knew she was close.  She could barely eke out a single syllable while his cock filled her, left her, returned to her.  She never wanted him to stop, but knew she couldn’t hold back. His name was all she could get out, her brain and her body full of nothing but him.  When he leaned down to lick her collarbone, it triggered a volcanic eruption. Her nails dug into his back while he rammed her through her orgasm, leaving nothing but the exquisite pleasure he caused.

 

He couldn’t hold on, couldn’t wait.  When she bucked into him, raking her nails on his back, her legs holding him close enough for quick, hard strokes, he lost the ability to stop.  He didn’t want to. Her name was all that was left for him to groan out as she milked him harder than he ever thought she could.

 

Each felt they had nothing left, because it was all given to the other.  They were one. No doubt in either’s mind. Their sleep was deep, peaceful, perfect.

 

Lia woke to a cloudy and cool morning, her favorite kind at the beach.  Steve was gone, and since she didn’t hear Jack, figured they were on a run.  She dressed in her sweats and one of his hoodies, put on her furry slippers and took her coffee to the deck.  It was a dream to be at the beach, to hear the waves and the seagulls, to see people walking. She knew she could be happy here for the rest of her life, as long as Steve was with her.

 

Their last day there was low-key, just making sure everything was as they found it.  They walked with Jack on the beach, talked about a million random and planned things, and stayed within arms length of each other, comforted by the closeness.  Lia was excited that Steve’s family had agreed they could have the house for the week of their honeymoon. She knew she’d be back before then, but the thought of spending 10 days here, with the man who would be her husband by then, made her swoon.

______________________________________________________________________

Window.  Room. Bed.  People.

 

Talking. Pointing. Crying. Comforting.

 

Hurt. Pain. Tired.

 

_Please make it stop, Steve.  Please baby, help me._

 

James turned away from Lia’s parents when he heard stillness from the bed.  Her eyes were open. They unwittingly told of her panic and fear, her confusion.  He slowly walked towards her, not knowing what she understood or remembered. Her parents went to the nursing station to alert them and the room filled with medical personnel, who quickly approached Lia.  As soon as he was close enough, her hand grabbed for James and refused to let him go. She started to hyperventilate and tried to speak, but the breathing tube prevented that. Her inability to communicate was making her panic.

 

“Lia.  It’s me, James.  It’s ok. You’re in a hospital.  You have a breathing tube to help you get better, so you can’t talk.  Your heart rate is really going up so can you breathe with me? Can you try to take a breath through your nose?  We just need you to calm down, Li. You can do it, I know you can. I’ll do it with you.”

 

Lia felt like she was going to die.  She was in pain, she was overwhelmed by her senses, she was scared - but she knew James would help her.  He wouldn’t lie to her. She tried to stem the tide of her thoughts with minor success. She tried to breathe as he did, succeeding in lowering her heart rate enough to prevent the doctors from putting her under again.

 

She looked around the room like a cornered wild animal.  The nurse ran a mild sedative through her IV, which quickly took effect.  She didn’t recognize the man who sat near her on the bed, and she looked around for a familiar face to help.  Her parents were there, clearly exhausted, James was there. Where was Steve?

 

“Lia, my name is Dr. Stark.  Can you shake your head up and down or side to side to answer my questions?  Let’s try out a few, just to get the hang of it.” She correctly answered questions about her name, her job, her family.  The doctor took a noticeable breath before going on to the next part of the day’s fun.

 

“You were brought in after a very serious accident.  You were unconscious and had internal bleeding, broken bones, and head trauma.  Due to your erratic vitals and the intracranial pressure - the pressure in your head - you were put in a medically-induced coma.  We’ve been weaning you off as your physical health improves. We’re very pleased at how you’re doing. So far, do you understand?”  She did, but where was Steve? What kind of accident?

 

Dr. Stark continued asking questions that helped him assess her orientation, her cognitive abilities, her pain level.  When he was done, Lia was exhausted and fell asleep without any dreams to show for it.

 

When she opened her eyes, the curtains were closed to keep out the dark, but it was too late, it was inside her, choking her.  She remembered she was in the hospital, she had been in an accident, and she was hurt badly enough to still be here. She tried to move, to look around, to stretch, but the pain stopped her cold.  She must have made a noise or had some physical reaction one of the machines picked up on, because a nurse came in to check on her. She saw Lia’s eyes were open and smiled kindly, smoothing her hair back.  

 

“It’s ok Lia, you’re ok.  You’re here, we’re taking care of you and you’re getting better.  I bet Dr. Stark will order the tube out today if you can show us you can breathe on your own when you’re awake and asleep.  Do you want me to tell your visitors you’re awake? They’re in the waiting room.”

 

Lia nodded, glad to see her brothers and her parents.  No one knew where to start with questions or answers, so they just sat quietly and held her hand, making small talk about the weather, their lives, and other things she was interested in.  Lia tried to breathe deeply and stay calm, but her inability to communicate was derailing that effort. Then she remembered - James.

 

Lia had spent the first years of her career teaching Deaf children and was fluent in American Sign Language.  When she met James, he was fascinated by the language he saw her use with some of their nonverbal students, and asked her to teach him.  They spent so much time together after work it was easy to weave in natural opportunities to learn, and he picked it up quickly. Soon, they had their own “secret” language, which came in handy around the students and administration.

 

She looked for him.  Her family noticed she was searching for something and started guessing.  Yes, she was ok, no, she didn’t need pain meds, and yes, she was looking for something.  After several attempts, they figured it out and one of her brothers went to get him. When he walked in, he smiled to see her awake and alert.  He almost broke down when he realized she was signing to him. He gladly voiced her questions.

 

“Where’s S-T-E-V-E, Steve?”

 

“What happened? I don’t remember.”

 

“Can you ask the doctor if the tube can come out.  I want it out, please James.”

 

Lia had a lot of recuperating to do, but thankfully she could still see.  When she started asking questions, her mother excused herself, quickly wiping away tears.   She pointed to her mother’s retreating form and asked,

 

“What’s wrong with Mom? Is she ok?”  Her father assured her that her mother was fine, just tired, and needed some fresh air.

 

James’s voice faltered when he spoke her next sentence aloud. “You’re lying.  I want to see Steve. Now. Please Dad, please.”

 

All the people in the room looked at each other silently, questioning looks on their faces, and asked her to wait a minute.  James stayed while her family went out of the room.

 

Lia slowly turned her head towards him and painfully, slowly signed, but she was getting tired.  James didn’t understand what she said, so she tried a different tactic, she spelled out what she was afraid to know.

 

“S-T-E-V-E, O-K?”  James broke eye contact and turned towards the doctor and nurse who accompanied her parents and brothers into the room.  Lia was pretty sure she was going to pass out.

____________________________________________________________________

“Buck, your phone is ringing.  Want me to get it for you?” Sara ran into the room with it, an unknown number flashing across the screen.

 

“This is James Barnes, who is this please?”  Sara reached out for him as his face turned white and he stumbled back.  

 

“I’ll be right there. Do her parents know? Her fiance? Ok, I’ll be there as fast as I can - probably 20 minutes.”

 

“What? What happened?” He looked at her, support and caring in her eyes, and almost fell down.

 

“Lia.  That was Sturdy Memorial.  She was in an accident, it’s bad, and I’m listed as her emergency contact, because she doesn’t have any family in the area.”  He ran his flesh hand through his hair and started muttering to himself, looking for his keys and his wallet. “I have to go.”

 

She offered to go with him, but he asked her to stay, wait for him at his place.  “They wouldn’t tell me what happened, other than I should get there as soon as possible.”  She handed him his phone and charger, wallet and some extra cash she had, and kissed him quickly.  “Please let me know what’s going on. Call me if you need anything.” He walked out, his heart and stomach fighting it out to see who felt worse.

 

“My name is James Barnes.  I received a phone call about a patient who just arrived who was in an accident, Lia Accorsi?”  The receptionist quickly found what she needed and had a security guard walk him to the appropriate waiting area.  The nurse in the O.R. waiting room could only tell him that Lia was in emergency surgery, the chief of the department was performing the procedure, and it was touch and go.

 

James placed a call he never thought he’d have to.  “Mr. and Mrs. Accorsi, it’s Lia’s friend, James Barnes.  Yes sir, I’m fine, thank you. Sir, I have some serious news.  I’m at the hospital and Lia is in emergency surgery. I don’t know what happened, but she was in some kind of accident and because I am her local emergency contact, they called me.”  He listened to the man yell for his wife to pick up the other phone and hurriedly try to orient her to what James just said.

 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened Mrs. Accorsi.  All I know is that the person who called me said it was a very serious situation and encouraged me to get to the hospital as soon as I could.  I’m here now, and she’s in emergency surgery, I don’t know what kind. From the tiny amount they told me, I would try to get here as soon as you can, if I were you.  Let me get the number for the O.R. so you can call them directly.”

 

After facilitating a call between the hospital and Lia’s parents, they texted him to say they were getting on a plane within 2 hours, and should be at the hospital within 6 if everything cooperated.  All James could do is wait. He sat, unable to do anything except stare, take short walks, and think about Lia. Eventually, after several hours, Dr. Stark came out to talk to him.

 

Lia’s condition was very serious.  The accident had caused her spleen to rupture, head trauma, broken bones, and other things James didn’t understand.  She was alive, and the doctor had a good feeling that she would survive, but had absolutely no comment about what her life would be like after her recovery.  James told him about her parents and asked if he could see her.

 

“Mr. Barnes, you do not want to see her right now, believe me.  Take comfort in the fact that she’s alive. As soon as it’s possible, we’ll let you lay eyes on her.”

 

James texted Sara, updated her, and tried to sleep on the waiting room couch.  His nightmare-induced panic didn’t allow much rest.

 

He must’ve slept at some point, because he woke up with a blanket over him and a hospital pillow.  He opened his eyes to the sight of 2 police officers talking with the O.R. nurse. She noticed he was awake and the two turned and started walking to him.

 

“Are you Mr. Barnes? We’re Detectives Romanoff and Banner.  We understand you’re the emergency contact for Ms. Accorsi?”

 

James explained that he was, and why, and his relationship with Lia.  “Detectives, may I ask you a question?” When they gestured for him to go ahead, he timidly inquired about the accident and Steve.  He held his breath while they answered.

________________________________________________________________

“Lia, c’mon babe.  If we want to beat the traffic, we should get going.”  Lia was making sure the beach house was clean. It was his parents’ place after all and she wanted to maintain her good standing with them.  It had been a cloudy day, but the sun had started to peek out as they pulled out of the private road and headed to the highway. Jack was happily wagging his tail and walking back and forth on the back seat.

 

Steve covered her hand with his, again rubbing his thumb over her ring.  She giggled when he moved his thumb up her palm, to the inside of her wrist, where he rubbed a spot he knew was sensitive and drove her crazy.  

 

“Hey, buddy, pay attention to driving.  We just spent 4 days having sex and being alone and having sex,” they both smiled at the absolutely true statement, “you need to take a cold shower or something.”

 

“Nah, I’d rather take a hot shower with you.  What can I say? I can’t get enough of that gorgeous body.”

 

Her swoony sigh made him smile.  He deftly navigated traffic and slowed down and got to the right as he saw some emergency vehicles come from the rear.  He checked his mirrors before merging into traffic, and pulled out.

 

They never saw it coming.  Steve opened his mouth to say something when the driver’s side of the car, his side, was crushed by an oncoming car that either couldn’t or didn’t move over to let him in.  The car that hit them screeched past and went into a tailspin in front of them. His car’s momentum carried it forward, plowing into the spinning vehicle with enough force to violently rock Lia against her seatbelt, smash into the airbag, bounce back, and hit her head on the passenger side window.  Her bent legs were pushed under the crumpled front of the car and broken. After what seemed like an eternity but was mere minutes, both cars sputtered to a stop and sat smoking in the middle of the highway, Steve and Lia unconscious and bleeding. Jack already gone.

________________________________________________________________

“It seems that the driver of the other vehicle was going close to 90 mph in the right-hand lane when Mr. Rogers pulled back onto the highway.  Witnesses report that it would have been close to impossible for him to stop or swerve at that speed and, due to a curve in the road, Mr. Rogers most likely never saw him coming.  Emergency personnel arrived less than 5 minutes later. The driver of the other car did not have a passenger and had some cuts and bruises, but was conscious when he left the scene by ambulance.

 

“EMT’s reported Ms. Accorsi’s injuries were grave, particularly her head trauma and the resulting injuries from shattered glass around her face.  She needed to be intubated at the scene due to a compromised airway that occurred when her seatbelt restrained her during the second impact. They needed the Jaws of Life to extricate her, in part due to the manner in which her legs were trapped under the crumpled front end.”

 

James lifted his head, “You said ‘in part,” were there other reasons to use it? The Jaws of Life?”

 

The detectives looked at each other, hating this part of their job. “When the responders arrived, they found Mr. Rogers’ body on top of hers.  More to the point, part of his body. The impact of the initial crash pushed him into the center console and passenger seat. As a result of both impacts, his upper body was crushed, and they needed that equipment to extricate both of them.  The coroner suspects he died on impact.”

 

James made it to a trash can just in time to throw up, sobbing at the same time.  When he stopped, he felt empty in every possible way. The nurse came over and gave him an electrolyte drink, some wipes for his face, and ginger gum for nausea.  The detectives made sure he was ok, then took their leave, notifying him they would be back when Lia woke up.

 

They finally let him look at her after several hours in recovery, after she transferred to the ICU.  The doctor was right. James was going to have nightmares for a long time after seeing Lia this way. Eyes and mouth taped shut, tubes, wires, monitors, bags, everywhere.  Her legs were in casts, her head bandaged, every inch of exposed skin blue, purple, black, or red. He said a silent prayer that he would see her smile again, one day. He quickly had enough of seeing Lia unresponsive and ventilator-dependent and went to meet her parents in the downstairs entryway, as they had just texted him they had arrived.

 

If James’s heart was broken before, seeing her parents talk to the doctor and the detectives, as well as see Lia for the first time, pulverized it beyond recognition.  James didn’t have children, but he had younger siblings that he took care of when he was younger, after his father died. To think of how it must feel to know how close your child was - is - to death and to see them so clearly broken...James was amazed they were able to stand.

 

Before the doctor went home for the evening, he spoke with the Accorsis and said he was encouraged at Lia’s status 6+ hours after surgery.  She was holding her own. She would remain in the induced coma as long as the intracranial pressure remained high. The neurosurgeon was on standby and she was aware of Lia’s case.  He reminded the devastated and scared parents that he was also on call, and could be back at the hospital in 10 minutes if need be, though he didn’t predict the need for that. James marveled at how gracious and thankful the couple was in the face of disaster.  It was a trait they instilled in their daughter.

 

Victor and Claire Accorsi had experienced hardship before.  They had each unexpectedly lost people close to them, and had come through it together.  This was like nothing they ever contemplated, even in their worst nightmares. This morning they woke up to a normal day that soon turned into their personal hell, starting with a phone call they wouldn’t wish on their worst enemy and then more phone calls that ripped their hearts out, airports, and now, seeing their only daughter, their Lia, unable to talk, to smile, to breathe on her own.  Though they mourned her future, right now, they just wanted her to live.

 

They took turns scrubbing up and sitting with her for the 10-minute intervals the ICU allowed.  James stayed at the hospital the entire time, not saying much, but was a support until Lia’s brothers arrived with their significant others.  He promised the Accorsis he would be back, and took another look at Lia before going home to shower and sleep.

 

James forgot Sara was at his house, waiting for him to return.  It had been almost 2 days since he left and all he wanted was to forget everything about what he had seen.  He crumpled into her, sobbing uncontrollably, and let her put him to bed, soothing him and staying until he woke up 10 hours later.  He showered and shaved and packed a bag, and with a hug and his thanks, went back to the hospital.

 

James offered the Accorsis to stay at his apartment as long as they needed to, but they kindly refused, wanting to stay at the hospital at least until Lia was stable or awake.  Several days after the surgery, she showed slow but steady improvement and Dr. Stark ordered that she be weaned from the medicine keeping her sedated. No more than 12 hours later, her eyes flickered and she made a noise, the first since the operations.  Everyone in the room turned on a dime and rushed to get a nurse, who said all of Lia’s brain and body functions looked as she would expect at this point in her recovery. It wasn’t the news they hoped for, but it was positive. They would take it.

 

As Lia slept, they congregated together, eating takeout and talking about anything not related to the present.  James smiled when they shared stories of Lia from childhood, and her family laughed when he described some of the crazier things that happened during a school day in their classrooms.  As they were cleaning up, an older couple with grown children looked at the group as they walked by, on their way to speak to the I.C.U. nurse.

 

She pointed to the Accorsis, who stood up and walked towards them, unable to ignore their aura of extraordinary sadness.  While their children and James watched, the two couples cried into each other and embraced with a ferocity that said one thing.  These were Steve’s parents, his siblings. The Rogers’ didn’t want to stay, they just wanted to see Lia, pray that she was improving and would be ok.  The two sets of parents exchanged phone numbers and promised to be in touch with news about Steve’s arrangements and about Lia’s condition, the Accorsis walking the Rogers and their children to the elevator before holding each other tightly and walking to the chapel together.  James took a walk to Lia’s room, scrubbed up and put on a gown before sitting near her. The nurse told him he could touch her blankets and her fingers, so he did, closing his eyes and crying. For her, for Steve, for their families, and maybe in the part of his heart he had never shared with anyone but Lia, for himself.


	11. Life Is What Happens When You're Busy Making Other Plans*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lia's life as she knew it was over. She wasn't interested in starting a new one, but no one who loved her would even contemplate that. In this chapter, she starts to feel and grieve. Will she eventually heal? Will she be able to move on?
> 
> *Chapter Title from "Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)" by John Lennon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who read and/or commented on this story, including the particularly hard-to-read Chapter 10. I have never written angst like that before and it was much more difficult than I predicted. I guess that means it was emotionally meaningful to me - I hope it was for you as well. Thanks for sticking with Lia - she's a fighter, for sure. - Steph

“Lia.  Baby, wake up.  You said you would walk Jack, and I’m holding you to it.”  Steve pushed Lia’s legs towards the edge of the bed.

 

“I’m gonna call for him if you don’t get up, then you’ll never get any peace.”  He’d done it before, so she knew she had to get up unless she wanted to be smothered by the chocolate tornado.  

 

As she dressed and put on her coat, she saw Steve in bed, leaning on one arm, a smile on his face.  “Can’t wait til you get back, baby. I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

James was surprised to see a smile pulling up the corners of Lia’s mouth as she slept.  

 

Lia woke up eager to see Steve.  She missed him so much. She opened her eyes, full of excitement and thought she was still dreaming.  She was in a hospital room - why? She couldn’t move - why? Where was Steve? She needed answers. She was cold, so she pulled her arms to her chest and waited for him to show up so he could give her one of his furnace hugs.  

 

James put his hands on her arms when she started to pull her arms across her chest.  He called for the nurse when she tried to sit up and get out of bed. It took them several minutes to wake her fully and orient her to the time and place.  James’s nausea returned when she realized who he was, where she was, and started to sob. The breathing tube had been removed the day before, but the remaining esophageal swelling continued to make her reliant on sign language to communicate.  

 

“Now James.  Tell me now. Where is Steve and why haven’t I seen him?  Why isn’t he here? TELL ME PLEASE.”

 

Her family and the nurses had all filtered into the room after the commotion, and they nodded.  It was time. Her parents switched places with James and held her hand while looking at her. She raised her head and looked.  She needed to know.

 

They told her, quickly.  They told her about the accident, about the man whose car hit them, ending Steve’s life as well as Jack’s.  There was no need to delve into the gruesome details. They told her about her injuries and that she was getting better every day.  

 

Lia listened to her parents, mostly her father, speak.  She heard what they said, confirming her fear. She hadn’t let the idea that Steve was gone do more than peek out of her consciousness.  She took refuge in thinking he was badly hurt, but alive, and that he couldn’t be with her, yet, but he would as soon as he was able. That wasn’t going to happen. Ever.  

 

Her face was expressionless when she signed to James, “My ring?”

 

He interpreted, “She wants to know where her engagement ring is.”  Everyone in the room busied themselves trying to determine if the ring was on her finger when they left the scene, if anyone knew its whereabouts.  

 

“We don’t know where it is Lia.  You were so badly hurt at the scene, keeping you alive was the priority.  We’re on it, though.” Her brothers volunteered to do whatever they could to track it down.  They were relieved to finally be doing something, instead of watching their sister and parents’ agony.

 

Lia turned off.  Shut down. Cried.  She couldn’t scream her pain, couldn’t bellow her rage, couldn’t swallow her grief.  Her injuries prevented her from isolating herself, from curling into a ball and giving up.  Every thought was Steve, and every time she saw his face, she died a little more. She didn’t care about anything.  Didn’t care about talking ever again, about her recovery, about her family. When waking up she began by opening her eyes slowly, subtly, closing them again just as quietly if anyone was at her bedside, looking at her, trying to help.

 

The day of Steve’s memorial service, she was alone, all her visitors there at her insistence.  She couldn’t be there for that, couldn’t be there for him this last time. As day became dusk became dark, silent tears ran down her face and she made no attempt to stop them or stem their flow.  She heard someone enter her room and she closed her eyes, not wanting to interact. Her eyes shot open at the unexpected voice.

 

“Lia sweetie, it’s Sarah Rogers, Carly is here, too.”  Lia saw their faces, streaked and tear-stained, and crumpled.  The two women pulled her into a hug that made her cry harder, and they cried with her.  They sat and stayed for a bit, sharing only the information Lia asked for - about the house, about the business, about the rest of Steve’s immediate family.  

 

After a brief silence, Lia looked at her hands and blurted, “I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry he’s dead and I’m here. I’m so sorry that he’s gone and it’s my fault and I can never make it up to you, never make it better.  You made him the best man I could ever hope to love and have love me, and I took him from you.” She doubled over, holding herself and rocking as the pain of her broken heart ripped her in half.  She was very uncertain about whether she could survive the hurt.

 

“Lia, listen to me.  I knew my son. I knew who he was and what kind of man he was.  He was completely, utterly, totally in love with you. You brought so much into his life, and I know you would have been a priceless part of our family.  Hear me Lia. This was not your fault. You did not cause this. This was life playing a particularly evil game. It stole Steve from all of us.” Her and her daughter’s tears ran steadily, “but what you need to do is promise me you’ll try to live, not in the past, but day by day.  It’s easier to say than to do, but Steve told me often how much he admired your strength. Use it. Honor Steve by living, and remember we are family now, and will always be. We love you, too.”

 

As the weeks dragged on Lia lost interest in food and lost pound after pound of fat and muscle mass.  This meant an extended hospital stay so she could continue to receive IV nutrition. She knew her support people were worried about her.  She wasn’t dumb, she knew why. She just didn’t care.

 

They feared that the emotional trauma was going to do what the accident and physical injuries didn’t.  Lia overheard hushed conversations with words like, “self-harm,” “vigil,” “depression,” and “catatonic,” and knew that in some way, they were right.  She didn’t think she could kill herself, but she could waste away from lack of interest in life, in living.

 

She knew a visit with the hospital’s mental health professionals was on its way, and she wasn’t wrong.  What surprised her was that it was a man, and a man who sat patiently waiting for her to talk. Sam Wilson was a veteran, a counselor, and he didn’t push her.  She wasn’t talking to anyone, about anything, unless it was medically necessary. Her voice was slowly improving as the swelling went down, her physical therapy to help her battered body was helping her regain function, and her mind seemed to be as intact as it ever was, but she felt that the Lia she was before the accident no longer existed.  How could he help her, if the only thing that would help is to have Steve back?

 

James visited her as often as possible, between school starting again and his own life.  Her other colleagues, her team, her friends, were also regular visitors. It was good she had so many sick days, because she was going to use all of them.  Lia didn’t know if she would, or could, ever return to teaching, but it was good that she would be paid for now.

 

Eventually, she accepted that if she wanted to leave the hospital, she had to comply.  She had to eat, do her prescribed exercises, talk to the counselor. She had to pass as a recovering person because attention spans were short - people needed her to get better, and she needed to get them off her back.  After almost 3 months in the hospital it was time to leave. She mourned another loss, of the entire season she had been there. It hurt every time she thought or heard, “time to go home,” because home was with Steve and Jack.  That place could never be her home again.

 

Maddie and her husband offered for her to stay with them and she accepted, unwilling to take her parents up on their offer to move back to where she grew up.  She wanted to be alone, but she was the only one who thought that was an option. Maddie and Jonathan had an entire floor empty, vacated by their now-grown children, and they welcomed Lia with open arms.  She was comfortable and cared for. It was more than she expected.

 

Time passed and her physical issues slowly resolved.  Dr. Stark and the rest of her team were surprised at how well she had healed, and reduced her frequency of office visits.  She did what was expected - she ate, took her medicine, went to her appointments, wrote in a journal, exercised, and talked a good game about moving on and growing.  It was all a lie. She was “passing” as a result of the presentable and acceptable facade she had created.

 

Sam figured that out without much effort.  After Lia finally decided that the nightmares, panic attacks, and general lack of interest and engagement in life were worth talking about, she decided to trust Sam.  She wanted to try to keep her promise to Steve’s mother, and to do that, she needed help. He offered to increase how often they worked together, and their sessions vacillated between nonstop sobbing and cold and stony detachment.  Sam never gave up, never gave in. He steered her as much as he could each time. She trusted him almost as much as she trusted James.

 

James never stopped visiting, never stopped sending her random texts that made her smile (and eventually laugh), and never let Lia’s brick walls stop him from letting her know he was there for her.  He and Maddie talked about Lia’s state of mind every day at work, and she was the one who floated the idea that Lia needed to get out of the house for a little while for something other than an appointment.  One night James asked her if she would accompany him to his niece’s birthday party. She was flummoxed and immediately tried to stonewall him.

 

“Li, my family wants to see you.  They miss you, they want to hug you and see how you’re doing for themselves.  I don’t think they believe me when I tell them you’re getting better every day.”

 

“I don’t know. Would it be ok if we went and left if it was too much?”  James quickly agreed. It had taken much less convincing than either he or Mads had predicted, and he was thrilled.  They settled the plans and James left, on his way to meeting up with Sara.

 

 **JBB:** Hi hon, I’m just leaving Lia.  I’ll be there in 15 minutes. Is that ok?

 **Sara:** Sure.  See you then.

 **JBB:** Everything ok?

 **Sara:** Yes

 

Something was definitely not ok.  It had been almost nine months since Lia’s accident, and James had to work hard to maintain his commitment to both women and his job.  He wanted Sara in his life. She was beautiful, caring, successful, and she had given him the space and freedom to spend as much time with Lia as he felt was needed.  

 

Since the accident, he and Sara had talked about the situation openly, and he hoped, honestly.  She said all the things he wanted to hear, that it was fine, that she supported that he and Lia were best friends, she was going through horrors and needed him.  Sara knew James would never betray her trust, that his time with Lia was borne out of their long-time friendship and working relationship.

 

But…..as soon as he saw Sara, he had a sinking feeling.  She sat in the restaurant, sad and disappointed feelings all over her beautiful face.   _Had they been there all this time and he never noticed?_ James felt like a first-class asshole.

 

“Hi hon, sorry I’m late.”  He leaned down to kiss her and she offered her cheek rather than her lips.   _Strike one._

 

“S’ok, no problem.”  Her face definitely contradicted that statement.   _Strike two._

 

They ordered drinks, and as James asked her questions about her day, she reached out for his hand.  Hers was shaking a bit.

 

“Sara, something’s wrong.  Don’t you feel like you can tell me?” She bit her lip and let go of his hand.

 

“Buck, I think we need to stop seeing each other.”  His head dropped forward, hair moving towards his face.  He took a deep breath and looked straight at her. She wasn’t done.  “I don’t think the reason will be a surprise.” _Strike three, you’re outta here._

 

No, it wasn’t.  “Lia?” He was about to go on the defensive, that they were only friends, there was nothing between them other than that, she was just starting to get better…..but she knew.

 

“Bucky, you are such a good man.  You have been there for Lia for every step of this horrible ordeal, and I know you never lied to me, never hid anything from me.  I appreciate that, but there is only so much of you to go around. Since the accident, I’ve been waiting to see when your pendulum would swing back my way, but it’s been a long time and it still hasn’t.”

 

She wasn’t mad or vengeful, she was resigned, which was worse.  James was crestfallen. He _was_ the reason she felt badly, and she didn’t deserve that.

 

“Sara, is there anything I can do to convince you that I want to be with you?”  She looked at him carefully, weighing her words.

 

“I want to be able to say yes, Buck, but I know that if Lia called or texted you right now, you would go.  I don’t want to blame you for being her friend, and I certainly can’t put this on her, but I hoped you would choose me once in awhile.  You’re not ready to do that.”

 

James couldn’t look at her.  He tried to be transparent when it came to Lia, but Sara saw more than he realized.  She saw him, probably more honestly than he saw himself. She knew he had chosen Lia over her, and it wrecked him.

 

He slowly reached out for her hand, and she let him hold it.  “Sara, I am so sorry that I did things that hurt you. You don’t deserve that.  You are a beautiful, smart, caring, talented woman. I hope you believe that I never meant for this to happen.”

 

She finished her wine, held his hand in both of hers, and let a tear fall.  “I know, Buck. That’s what makes this hard, you didn’t mean to hurt me. You’ve just known her longer, loved her longer.”  James looked up, his mouth agape, and didn’t try to debate the semantics of platonic and romantic love. He just shut his mouth, stood as she did, and kissed her, before she walked out, leaving him there.  No school the next day was just enough of a reason to drink. A lot.

_____________________________________________________________

Lia was dressed, ready, and hyperventilating 15 minutes before James was supposed to pick her up for the birthday party.  When he was 20, 30, 45 minutes late, she texted and called him to no avail. She had a momentary flashback of tracking him down at his apartment when her feelings were different and she thought they might be more than friends, before she fell in love with Steve.  In the last 9 months he had never once ditched her, never not showed up when he said he would, never let her wonder where he was. Maybe she had relied on him too much. Maybe it was as simple as he was with Sara and turned his phone off. _Leave him be, Lia.  He spends too much time with you, he has a life, too, and a girlfriend - for real this time._

 

She decided to go for a walk and grab a coffee.  She locked the door behind her and made her way, having a nice afternoon on her own, window shopping and eating a croissant with her latte.  As she passed the local art studio, she was struck by the oil painting in the window. It was a landscape of a beach scene, done from a deck, on an overcast day.  The white railing in the foreground was gripped by strong hands and the clouds lent a sense of seriousness to the scene, maybe a bit of sadness, too. Without thinking too much, she inquired, found it reasonably priced, and bought it.  You didn’t have to be a genius to figure out what it stirred in her, but it’s what it _didn’t_ stir that prompted her to call Sam at home.  

 

“Sam, I bought it, and I didn’t cry, I didn’t even _want_ to cry!  I could’ve made it some tragic symbol of my last day with Steve, but it doesn’t feel that way.  It just felt like something I wanted to remember, peacefully.” She chuckled as the tears now fell.  She grabbed a tissue, “Figures, now I cry. You knew it had to happen at least once today.”

 

Sam was silently jubilant while jumping in his living room.  He and Lia had worked together since she regained the ability to speak, though she chose not to for months.  Her progress was slow and came in fits and starts. He was continually astonished at the depth of her love for Steve, and how she similarly described his feelings for her.  He confirmed this by listening to stories of the friends and family she invited into her early sessions. He wished he had known her, known them, before this tragedy cruelly fucked with their lives.  

 

He was worried that she might be stuck in one place, and tried to think creatively about what would help her move towards healing.  He spoke with his colleagues, did research, but as he talked to her today, he was reminded of the biggest cliche in his line of work - sometimes time was the best medicine.  He hoped that today’s victory, or as Sam saw it, a group of multiple victories, was another step out of her dark place.

_________________________________________________________________

James woke up with a horrible headache, cursing the drinks he had after Sara left.  He took Advil and drank water and went back to sleep. He felt better the second time around, until he looked at his phone.  Between texts and calls, he had over 20 messages. He scrolled through the messages and before panic set in, realized he had slept right through his niece’s birthday party.  The majority of messages were from his family - his mom, sister, other sister, brother, and even other nieces and nephews. The rest were from Lia. They were cheerful, then concerned, then resigned.   _Great, another homerun with the ladies.  You are just on a roll this week, aren’t you?_

He quickly responded, sending mea culpas to everyone and explaining briefly that he wasn’t feeling well, but that sleeping in had made a big difference.  He fielded his family’s responses, but heard nothing from Lia. He quickly showered and changed, and remembering that Maddie and Jonathan were away, headed over, scared of what he might find.

________________________________________________________________

Lia had the house to herself, so she made dinner and started a fire in the fireplace.  She brewed some tea and sat in the living room, hypnotized by the flames while she ate and sipped.  She looked at her new painting, thinking about frame choices and where she would hang it. She looked at herself in the mirror above the mantle and sadly noticed how trauma impacts a person inside and out.  Usually at night, she took out her phone and scrolled through the pictures of her and Steve, and when things got really hard, listened to voicemails he had left that she never deleted.

 

Tonight wasn’t like that.  It was different. She knew she couldn’t put this change all on a painting, but she _could_ attribute it to all the work she and Sam had done, all the support she had received from her friends and family, and the ever-increasing amount of time between the accident and now.  She had become accustomed to the pain in her heart, after the pain in her body lessened. She held onto that pain as tangible proof that Steve Rogers’ heart had been hers, that hers belonged to him, and if the pain went away, it meant losing him for good.  Maybe now, her heart was starting to realize that getting better didn’t mean forgetting, it meant using his love and memory in a different way. Maybe the love and confidence he gave her was now _her_ springboard, _her_ compass, and would guide her.  She jumped at the knock on the door.

 

Looking out, she smiled at James, standing in the pouring rain and looking panicked.  She let him in and startled when he hugged her.

 

“Are you ok?  I’ve been trying to text you for the last hour, how come you haven’t answered?”  His tone was worried, not accusatory.

 

“I’m fine!  My phone’s upstairs.  For the first time since I’ve been here, I didn’t feel like scrolling through all my pictures and voice mails, so I left it in my room to not be tempted.  Sorry.” She saw him sigh with relief.

 

“Speaking of, what happened to you?  Today was your niece’s party, right? I called and texted you but I figured you and Sara were having fun and lost track of time.”   _She’s smiling.  Lia is actually smiling and teasing._ He fake-coughed his emotions away while she stared at him.

 

He explained what happened, skipping the part about his time with her being the cause.  It didn’t matter, she was too bright to not follow up with pointed questions.

 

“Is it because of all the time you’ve spent with me? Oh my God James, I knew it, I knew I was leaning on you too much….” He pulled her into a hug, and calmed her fears.

 

“No.  You were not a part of the reason.  I wasn’t what she wanted.” Lia’s face was mortified.  “What? Did she _say_ that to you?”  He reassured her that Sara had been kind and considerate, but firm, that they wanted different things, and that it was probably for the best.  She hugged him back, not believing that explanation, and noticed he was shivering. Hard.

 

She ordered him to the bathroom to take a hot shower, threw his clothes in the dryer, and gave him some of Jonathan’s clothes to tide him over.  

 

After finally getting warm, James walked back into the living room and watched from the doorway as Lia sat by the fire, the light moving her in and out of shadow.  For the first time since the accident she looked peaceful and for the first time, he was hopeful that she would come back to them, _to him._


	12. One Step at a Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman. Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful. Will they figure out how to find each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!Warnings: YES THERE ARE WARNINGS!!!!  
>  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, this chapter is full of ANGST, SADNESS, Life/Death Issues. IF YOU ARE SIGNIFICANTLY UPSET by these issues, please do not read. PLEASE. I don’t want anyone to have difficulties as a result of something I wrote. (I also realize that I may be making WAY more of this than is necessary, but I’d rather be safe than sorry)
> 
> A/N: I am blown away by the amazing support, kindness, and effort I have received from all of you, particularly since Chapter 10’s sadness (to put it mildly). The compliments, reblogs, likes, and everything in between have filled me with such joy, and honestly, surprised the heck out of me. Thanks to @HMarvel31 and @MsEnglish101 for all their support and virtual love for my story. I hope you continue to enjoy Lia’s journey. - Steph

11 MONTHS AFTER THE ACCIDENT:

 

In their most recent session, Sam broached the subject of returning to work.  Lia froze, unable to formulate a thought.

 

“What scares you about going back?”  He sat back and waited, watching Lia fidget and tap her feet.

 

“Everything?” her sad chuckle said it all.

 

“If it’s “everything,” can we try to nail it down?  Let’s break it up into a few parts. There’s the knowledge - of teaching, child development, in your case, special needs populations.  Has that changed?”

 

She shook her head silently.

 

“There are the students.  The way you’ve described them to me is a small group with varying degrees of serious learning and other challenges.  Do you feel differently about working with those kinds of kids, or students in general?”

 

Another shake.  Her feet were tapping faster, and she was pulling at a loose thread on her sweater.

 

“Alright, then the other parts of the job - planning, paperwork, meetings, dealing with parents, colleagues, administrators.  Does that seem aversive now?”

 

“Maybe.  It’s a lot of work, and it’s tiring.”

 

“The last thing I can think of is the physical and emotional toll the job takes.  Like in everything, there are good days and bad days. Teachers pour their hearts out, and so your cup has to be full before others can draw from it.”  He waited, kindly looking as she started to unravel - both her sweater and her fear.

 

“I don’t know, Sam.  The whole thing scares the shit out of me.  From the beginning - stepping back into the room where everyone depends on me.  Except they’re leaning on the old me, the me before Steve died, before the accident.   There are so many ways that I’m different - ways I can explain and ways I can’t - maybe I won’t have the right temperament anymore, the right perspective?  I don’t know if I can handle not being good at teaching. If I’m not good at it, then what have I got? What will I do with my life?” 

 

Sam was proud.  She was being honest, but she wasn’t undone by the discussion and her confession.  Sad and tired, sure, but not in despair or denial. They sat with it awhile, kicking around ideas and thoughts, and then Sam called it a day.  She had thinking to do and needed time. 

 

Lia was proud of herself and felt a big weight lift off her chest after her appointment.  She had been worrying about work for several weeks, since Dr. Stark and her PT told her she was ready to see them less regularly.  She had achieved all their objectives in terms of her physical recovery and felt good. It was hard to believe she could honestly say that, but the pain was occasional, not chronic, and it was manageable.  She was still tired, often needing a nap to get through the day, but no one seemed worried about that, given her psychological trauma.

 

The improvements in her well-being and the relatively clean bill of health got her thinking about what she was going to do now.  The first anniversary of the accident was coming up and her entire year had been spent re-learning how to function physically, mentally, and emotionally.   _ That _ had been her job.  Now what? Back to teaching? Find a new career? What about where she would live? She couldn’t stay with Maddie and Jonathan forever, even though they professed their love for her company every day.

 

Sam had helped her articulate it.  It was time to think about moving on to whatever was next.  That scared the crap out of her because it meant making a real life without Steve, and in her heart, she didn’t want to do that.  

 

“Have you ever considered trying to meet some new people?”  Before Lia could incinerate him with her glare, he gently clarified, “I’m not talking about dating, I’m not even talking about “a thing,” I’m just talking about meeting some new people, making new friends, reconnecting with old ones.  That’s it.”

 

Her world was so small.  Her, her family, Maddie, Jonathan, and James along with a small group of friends were it. They adjusted for her, didn’t challenge her too much, and let her be.  They loved her before, loved her even more since the accident, and just wanted her to be happy. Sarah Rogers voice kept returning, though. Lia promised she would try to live, for Steve, honor him but not die with him.  Lia needed a pep talk.

 

**Lia A:** Hi Sarah, it’s Lia.  I hope I’m not bothering you.

**Sarah Rogers:** Of course not, Lia!  How are you?

**Lia A:** Are you by any chance available for lunch today or tomorrow?

**Sarah Rogers:** You must be psychic - my schedule just opened up for this afternoon! 

**Lia A:**  Is 1 o’clock ok?  We can meet at the cafe near your office?

**Sarah Rogers:** Yes, of course!  Great idea. I’ll see you then.  We’ll text if there are any changes, ok?

 

Lia had seen Sarah and the rest of Steve’s family a few times in the last year.  It was hard, every single one of them - male or female, young or old - shared mannerisms, speech patterns, and much more with Steve.  At first, she felt guilty, believed they must hate her, that she represented what they lost and were furious with her. If that was true, it was never expressed or hinted at.  They embraced her lovingly, full of tenderness, a few tears, and happy memories. It was as close as she would ever get to being with Steve again, and she tried to savor it.

 

Lia lit up when she saw Sarah.  She had told Steve the truth all that time ago, she loved his Mom.  She was so many things, but the coolest, in Lia’s mind, was that after her children had gone to college, she went back and got her master’s degree in psychology.  Ironically, she specialized in PTSD, having seen its effect on her husband and both her sons. 

 

They caught up for a bit, Sarah inquiring about James and her family, her progress and her plans.  Lia asked after the rest of the family, and inquired about the house where she and Steve lived. Lia had long ago asked her family to pack up her things and bring them home.  She could not step through the door and considered donating or burning everything of hers that had been there. She didn’t, but many of the things had remained in storage, untouched.

 

“Carly lives there now.  She has a roommate and she thinks I don’t know that her boyfriend lives there, too.”

Lia smiled and Sarah reached out her hand to touch hers.  “I love hearing from you Lia, but I’m wondering if you had a specific reason in mind for getting together.”  

 

“You are as perceptive as ever Sarah.  Yes, there is.” Sarah put down her fork, took a sip of her drink, and patiently listened.

 

“I don’t know if you remember, but when I was still in the hospital you asked me to make a promise.  A promise to honor Steve’s memory by being strong enough to live in the moment, not the past.” Her silent nod was gentle and helped Lia continue.

 

“I think about that promise every day.  It’s what pushed me to take care of myself enough to get out of the hospital, to engage in counseling, and to take baby steps forward whenever I was scared.  Which is less- and less-often.” Sarah’s eyes misted over and her grip on Lia’s hand tightened. Her smile was kind, something she shared with Steve. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or frightened when the thought of him and his smile didn’t wreck her.

 

“I asked you to meet because I’m not sure what’s next for me.  The other day my counselor floated the idea of meeting new people and going back to teaching, and I felt like I was choking.  We talked it through and….” Lia let the tears fall and let Sarah hold her to her chest, gently rocking and shushing. “...and I’m afraid that if I do, if I get through to the other side of the pain, I’ll leave Steve behind with it.” They quietly cried together before Sarah wiped her eyes and made Lia look at her.

 

“Steve always told me how passionate you were - about your students, about your relationship with him, about everything.  He said it was one of the things that attracted him to you at the beginning and cemented his feelings. To keep your promise to me doesn’t mean you forget Steve or leave him behind.  You can do it by continuing to live with passion. It doesn’t matter if that means returning to work or finding a new job, or falling in love again.”

 

Lia pulled away from her, unable to stop the emotions that flashed across her face.  Sarah was serious and reached out to touch her again. “I mean it, Lia. Steve died, but you lived.  Honor him and his memory by choosing life, real life, not some shell of an existence where you mourn him forever.  You know he wouldn’t have wanted that.” She handed Lia a tissue to mop up her stream of silent tears. 

 

“Look at me.  You won’t forget Steve, I suspect you never will, but the love you had - have - for him doesn’t have to be duplicated to be the real deal.  If you find someone who loves you and for whom you feel passion, I hope you let yourself experience it.” 

 

Lia cut her off with a tear-choked voice that bordered on anger. “How can I do that to him, to you and the rest of your family? Betray his memory and his love by giving my heart to someone else? You would hate me.”

 

“No, Lia.  No one would hate you.  You have my word that you will be a part of our family for as long as we live - and  _ not _ only because you loved and were loved by my son, but because we love your passion, too.  We don’t want to lose that.” Lia knew Sarah Rogers didn’t waste words. If she said it, she meant it, no beating around the bush.  Her grace, her love, her peace, soothed Lia and when Sarah pulled her into one last hug, she returned it with an intensity she hadn’t felt in a long time.

 

Before saying goodbye, Sarah shared the family’s plan to celebrate Steve’s memory the following week. “Everyone voted to do something fun, so we thought we’d head up to the beach house and have a clambake.  Please come Lia, stay with us for as long as you want, no time limit.” Lia promised she would sincerely think about it, and said goodbye.

 

**Lia:** Remind me when I see you next that I think I just experienced some kind of breakthrough moment.  If the movies are to be believed. LOL

**Sam:**  I will.  You ok?

**Lia:** Yeah.  Sad, but ok.  I’ll see you soon Sam.  Thanks for everything.

 

She had a phone call to make.

 

“Hey J, are you around this weekend?  I’ve had some ideas about work, and I was hoping to get your feedback.”

 

James felt as if he’d been hit by a truck.  The only time she brought up work in the last year was to politely inquire about students and their progress and to check on his stress level.  He didn’t know if she would ever teach again, but that didn’t stop him from missing her every day. To see her light up around the kids, to really understand collaboration and do it for the sake of her students, and to see that smile, hear her laugh.  He’d had no idea before this year how much she added to not only his personal life, but his work life. 

 

“Yeah, I’ll be around.  Wanna meet up Saturday? Grab a burger, do a walk and talk?  The weather is supposed to be great.” James could’ve sworn he heard her smile when she agreed.

 

James picked her up and the weather had clearly gotten the message that this was an auspicious day.  The light breeze, the sun, the temperature - everything was perfect. Maddie answered the door and hugged him, whispering “I can’t believe it James, she’s excited.  She’s talking about teaching again.” He smiled at his friend, Lia’s protector, and smiled as the woman of the hour came out to meet him. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and softly smiled.  It wasn’t Lia’s Special Smile, but it was closer than he’d seen for almost a year. His heart raced with the significance.

 

“Ready?” He offered her his arm and she slowed, finally linking hers with his.

 

When James offered her his arm, she flashed back to Steve doing the same thing on their second date.  When he told her he would do whatever it took to be with her. She smiled at that, then made a choice to take another step forward.  She gave James her arm and let him take her wherever he wanted to go. 

 

“Li, I have to tell you how excited I’ve been since you called me.  I can’t wait to talk.”  _ That smile’s a bit brighter, a bit more her.  Good. _

 

“If it’s ok with you, I’d like to enjoy the ride.  Could we talk when we get to wherever we’re going?”

 

James agreed and was thrilled that the local botanical garden was open for the season.  He pulled up and she smiled as he escorted her in, marveling that it was her first visit.  As they walked through and examined the plants and other attractions, Lia was quiet, focused.  

 

“Li, you look good, peaceful.  Are you?”

 

She sighed.  “I think so. I forgot what that feeling was like, but I can say that I don’t feel empty, I feel alive.”  She looked at him with tears in her eyes and without thinking, he gently brushed his thumbs over them to sweep them away.  He turned back to the plants.

 

“I can’t tell you how happy that makes me, Li.  You’ve done so much work in the last year, you are so strong.  You deserve all the peace and equilibrium in the world.” 

 

“Thanks.  James.” She paused and took a deep breath.  He waited. 

 

“I’ve never thanked you for saving me.”  He looked like he was going to refute her, but she put up her hands to stop him.  “Yes, you did. You were the first face I saw when I woke up. I was unhinged, out of control, but I knew you, I knew you wouldn’t lie to me.  You helped me breathe, helped me calm down, and you haven’t stopped since.” She took his hand and held it while looking at a beautiful plant whose name was too long to learn.

 

He looked sideways at her and smiled.  He saw her at peace and it filled him with gratitude, thankful she was there, standing, breathing, talking.  He slowly turned to her.

 

“I could have sworn you got me here under the pretense of a work-related discussion.  Something about wanting my feedback?” She smiled, still admiring the plant in front of her.

 

“Yes.  I got some good news from the doctors and therapists last week.  They said that I am medically cleared to return to work. They are not going to submit it to insurance until Sam gives me the emotional thumbs up, but I can start seeing them every few months, instead of every few weeks.”  She smiled bigger as he congratulated her.

 

“You’ve been thinking about going back to work? I hope you’re going to say ‘yes,’ everyone misses you so much.”

 

“I have to be honest, I’m scared.  I’m scared that people miss the old Lia, the person and teacher I was before the accident.  I don’t feel like her anymore, what if I can’t do the job like she did?”

 

“One, it kind of freaks me out that you’re talking in the third person.” She laughed, actually laughed.  James’s heart filled. “Two, why don’t you come in and see? I’m sure if you talked to Kip he’d agree to it.  Spend an hour or two and see how it goes, see how you feel?”

 

She turned to face him, the plant no longer needed to avoid his eyes.  “I knew you were my best friend for a reason. I’ll call Kip Monday. Thanks.”  

 

The rest of the afternoon was spent out in the sun, enjoying lunch in the park and people-watching, talking about a million different things, mostly related to work.  For the first time in a year, James was hopeful that she would find her joy again, wherever it was. A tiny voice whispered that maybe she would find it with him.

 

Lia slept soundly, dreaming of happy things and James.  She woke up smiling, grateful that sleep had bred happiness, not fear.  She logged onto her computer, and took one more step forward, her scariest one yet.

____________________________________________________________________

Lia had talked with Sam almost every day before she left.  They came up with a bunch of strategies, techniques, and options, if need be.  He suggested she bring a friend for support, so she had asked Maddie to accompany her.    As they pulled away, Lia blasted her favorite music. She didn’t talk, and it was a testament to her love for Lia that Maddie didn’t either.

 

When they pulled up, Lia expected to be hit by a tsunami of feelings, but she wasn’t.  This was the first time she had returned to the beach house since the accident, and she and Sam prepared a mental script of some constructive thoughts.  She breathed deeply, leaned against the car door, and started mentally rehearsing.

 

_ “Yes, this was the last time you held Steve, kissed Steve, made love to him.  Remember how amazing that was, and how much he loved you. How much you loved him.”   _

 

_ “It’s natural to feel sad, to feel angry, to feel regrets.  Name them, cry them out, walk them out, but try to share one positive memory for every negative thought.”   _

 

_ “What happened when you left that day does not negate the beauty of your time here.” _

 

She was quickly surrounded by Steve’s parents and sisters.  They knew Maddie and graciously welcomed her. They hugged Lia, caught up for a bit over lunch, then let her have some time alone to walk on the beach.  

 

_ “Jack was a big part of his life, and so he was a big part of yours.  To remember that chocolate-covered rocketship running on the beach, splashing you and having fun is a really happy memory.  It’s ok to remember that without reliving everything else. It’s ok to smile and laugh about it.” _

 

She walked a long time, texting Maddie and Sara that she was fine, just walking and thinking.  She texted Sam with a quick update, because he ordered her to or “face consequences.” She felt so loved, so supported, by her group of people, it made this day easier.  She started the walk back when she smelled dinner and realized she hadn’t eaten much in her nervousness. She changed when she returned, and shared in the Rogers’ night of memories, laughter, tears, and gratitude.

 

Sarah shared with Lia that they planned to have a bonfire after the clambake and Lia asked if she could say something to everyone.  It would be easier in the dark, with only the fire to illuminate her tears - peaceful tears. They gathered after the sun went down and the little ones were in bed.  Lia sat between Sarah and Maddie, drawing strength from both women when she spoke.

 

“This isn’t going to be fancy or long, but it is going to be from the deepest parts of my heart and my soul.  For a long time after the accident I did not feel grateful. I felt guilty, angry, cheated. Then, I made a promise to Sarah and Carly, a promise to live my life embracing Steve’s memory and using it to move on.  I didn’t understand the significance of that promise until I left the hospital and took a million little steps to keep it. There have been some really awful days, but lately, in the last few months, there have been fewer of those and more days where I smile, rather than cry.  I want to thank everyone here for not giving up on me, for loving me, for letting me grieve on my own timeline and not pushing me to fake it.”

 

She took a letter out of her hoodie front pocket.  “This is a letter I wrote to Steve. My therapist thought it might help.  It’s a letter that tells him he has helped me take the steps in the form of a promise I made to his amazing mother almost a year ago.  A letter that tells him how much I love him and miss him, how much he made my life better, and how scared I am to move on. That his strength better never leave me because I am going to need it more than ever once I take my next steps, whatever they are.”  In a nod to the maudlin, Lia stood, kissed the envelope, and threw it in the fire, watching its ashes float up.

 

There was not a dry eye to be seen, but as Lia stood, watching the ashes rise, every member of the Rogers clan embraced her, kissed her, and shared how glad they were that she was a part of their family.  She finally felt grateful. Drained, but grateful.

 

She slept well, and dreamed of Steve, of course.  The morning was overcast, but she took her coffee outside on the deck anyway, bundled up.  Sarah was out there already, and encouraged Lia to sit with her. 

 

“Thank you Lia.  Thank you for coming, thank you for honoring my son and us by keeping your promise. I miss him so much…..” Lia knelt in front of her and held the woman she thought of as her mother-in-law while she cried.  One good thing she learned, maybe the only good thing, that came out of the last year was that sometimes you don’t have to say anything to a person in pain. Sometimes, you just have to be there and your presence, your attention, is enough.  

 

That night, Lia responded to texts from Sam, her parents, her brothers, and James.  They all wanted to let her know they were thinking about her and they were beyond thankful that they could tell her that.  She thanked them all and could honestly say she felt strong.


	13. One Foot in Front of the Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman. Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful. Will they figure out how to find each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Thank you Thank you to all of you who have read, liked, and commented on this story. Lia's getting better, thankfully, and James is there for her every step of the way, as much as she lets him. I hope you continue to enjoy their journey. One more chapter after this! Thanks again, Steph

James’s suggestion was a great one.  When she called Kip, her building principal, he enthusiastically agreed to let her volunteer a couple of days a week.  After a very short amount of lead time, the day arrived and Lia was a nervous wreck. It had been over a year since she had been in a classroom, and as she buckled into Maddie’s van that morning, she felt the slow grip of panic running up both arms.  She pushed through. Escaping wasn’t going to answer her questions or help her keep moving.

 

They arrived before the students did to let Lia have a moment of silence before the crazy.  She had talked to Leslee, the current teacher of “her” class who agreed to let Lia hang out and watch.  She was so kind, encouraging her to jump in whenever she wanted. “You’re not just any classroom helper, you’re  _ THE _ Ms. A.”  Lia smiled, and reminded her that  _ she _ was the teacher, so whatever she said was what Lia was going to do.  

 

Maddie walked with her, never leaving her side, and whispered that everyone was overjoyed that she was there.  At the classroom entrance, she started to cry. Covering the door were cards, banners, drawings, and gifts welcoming her.  When she entered the room, James, Leslee, and the members of her team were sitting and waiting. They knew a big fanfare wasn’t the way to go, but they knew they had to do something special to celebrate her return.  No one doubted how hard this was for her. 

 

James stood and enveloped her in a hug.  He was crying and Lia felt he had every right to.  He had been there since the first day, and had never let her forget he was there for her.  Lia introduced herself to Leslee and thanked her for doing such a great job. After a few minutes of hugging and catching up, Lia startled with the sound of the bell.

 

It was time to start the day.

 

Typical of a preschool, the day was a whirlwind.  Lia waited patiently at a side table while the students were ushered in.  They were not told she was coming in case her plans changed, so seeing her was a complete surprise.  Some of them cried, some smiled, some ran to her, and some ran away. She sat on the rug and started playing with blocks and knew that the second-year preschool students, the ones she taught last year, would migrate over.  The new students would look to their classmates and teachers for what to do. 

 

James lifted his eyes to the door as Maddie came in and signaled to him.  

 

“Let me cover for you for a minute.  Go over and see her. It’s amazing.”

 

James opened their adjoining door quietly and his heart contracted.  Lia was on the floor, playing with 3 kids and helping another 3 do tablework.  Her eyes were bright and the best part? It was back, her smile. James quickly wiped away the tears that leaked out before Lia noticed he was there.  She smiled, no, beamed at him, and he was content.

 

Lia was exhausted.  A few hours had turned into an entire day because she couldn’t pull herself away, couldn’t bear to leave.  Maddie and James encouraged her to ease into things, to not overdo it, but she didn’t feel like she was. She felt an incredible sense of relief that she loved being there, that the kids and the day and the noise and the pace felt manageable.  When Maddie pulled up to her house, Lia went straight upstairs and fell asleep. For once, she didn’t dream - good or bad - an unexpected blessing.

 

James worked later than usual.  He had been so preoccupied with Lia that he didn’t accomplish any of the work he planned to do.  As he pushed through paperwork and lesson plans, Luke announced his presence and James smiled and waved him in.

 

“It was so nice to see Ms. Lia today, though she’s lost a lot of weight.”

 

“Yeah, she has.  She went through a patch where she didn’t want to eat, and had to have IV nutrients.  She’s getting better though.”

 

“Thank God.  I’ve missed her just like everybody else.  She’s just one of those people you feel lucky to know.”  

 

James nodded, completely in agreement.  He looked up and Luke’s eyes were on him, smiling in a way he knew all too well.   _ Oh, Jesus, please don’t start. _

 

“What’s up Luke? Can I do something for you?”  

 

“Nah, just thinking.  Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt you.  Goodnight James, today was a good day.”

 

James smiled slightly and shook his head.  He picked up his phone to check in with Lia, but thought twice.  On his way home his tired smile agreed with Luke, it had been a good day.

 

**Lia A:** I had such a good day, J.  Thanks for helping to make it happen.  I really appreciate it.

**JBB:** It seemed like you were enjoying yourself, I’m happy.  You’re welcome. Any idea when we might see you back again?

**Lia:** I talked to Kip before I left.  I’m home tomorrow to recuperate, then back the day after.  The goal is to slowly increase my time every week and see what’s what.

**JBB:** Sounds good, Li.  Let me know if I can help in any way.

 

Maddie was cautiously thrilled at how well Lia was adjusting to returning to the classroom.  After several months of visiting 3-4 times per week, she agreed to co-teach the class if Leslee retained a full-time job.  Money had to be moved around, but it was worked out. She had to convince her parents, Sam, and James that she was taking care of herself and not accepting too much responsibility too soon.  

 

In Lia’s mind, there was only one other big thing she needed to do.  She had lived with Maddie and Jonathan for well over a year. It had been a godsend, letting her readjust to this new reality and it eased the minds of her friends and family since she wasn’t living alone.  Her gradual return to work had gone well, with relatively few bumps and after discussing it with all her peeps, she decided to find her own place.

 

She only had a few requirements -  it had to have 2 bedrooms, be within walking distance to work, and had to allow pets.  The settlement she was awarded from the accident was enough to provide a nice safety net and let her do something she’d been wanting to do for the last year - enroll in a emotional support therapy dog program that started the following summer.  After a bit of searching, she found an apartment that felt new and right. Many tears were shed by both Lia and Maddie when she drove the last load away from the place she had called home when she was the most vulnerable she had ever been.

 

Her first night at the new place Lia received tons of texts and calls, all from the people that cared about her and wanted to make sure she was ok.  After the flurry of messages slowed, she had to laugh when James knocked on her door, holding pizza and wine. 

 

“I thought you might want some company, and I brought housewarming gifts.”  

 

“That is so sweet, James.  Thank you. Let me find some plates and cups.  Might have to be coffee mugs.”

 

James was nervous before heading over to Lia’s new place without calling first, but he wanted to surprise her, let her know he was thinking about her.   _ Everybody needs to eat, right? Food is good, right? _

 

They cleared off space on her coffee table and ate and laughed and reminisced.  At the end of the night as James helped her clean up, Lia took a minute to look out the window and think.  A weird, unexpected feeling rushed through her and stopped her cold. She was struck that this new life was emerging and that she had arrived at the elusive “it” everyone talked about - she not only survived, but was starting to enjoy herself again.  She smiled softly and closed her eyes, Steve’s face running through her mind and her heart. She lost a few tears because she  _ didn’t _ feel like a knife was slashing into her chest at the thought.   _ Damn guilt. _

 

James watched Lia stop, stand still, and brush away tears.  He was grateful that it was just a few. He quietly turned away, giving her privacy and space.  When she remained quiet, he threw on his coat and tried to break through her reverie with a soft goodbye, but she turned quickly and rushed over to hug and thank him, making him promise he would come again for her housewarming party.  

 

**Lia A:** J, let me know when you get home, ok?

 

His smile was huge and dorky as he replied.

 

**JBB:** Sure, Li.  Have a great night.  See you Monday. Tbh I’m pretty damn excited that you’ll be back.

 

Lia had very low expectations of her first weeks back at work.  She wanted to get to work on time, make sure she took at least 15 minutes every day to breathe and stay mindful, let all the kids start to trust her, and leave before it got dark.  For the most part she was successful, though one night the sun went down while she was catching up with Luke and dancing around her classroom to one of her new favorite songs. James was hanging out to make sure she was alright, so when he heard music and laughter, he quietly opened their shared door.  He was delighted at the sight of Lia as happy and carefree as he’d seen her in the last 18 months. His heart flipped and flopped, followed by full-out thumping as she saw him and grabbed his hands to dance with her.

 

“Lia, c’mon, I don’t dance,” but his protests fell on deaf ears, as she held her index finger to his mouth to shush him.  He bounced to the music and mainly watched her enjoy herself. When the song changed she plopped down on her chair and thanked him for joining in.  When he returned to his classroom, it was impossible for him to work after witnessing her joy. 

 

He was confused and conflicted.  His brain was setting boundaries - friendship, support, nothing more.  He tried to convince himself that he was feeling caregiver feelings, friend feelings - not romantic feelings.  His heart and his body had not received that message. She knocked on his classroom door as she made her way out, and asked him if she could buy him dinner, “just like old times.”  He was unable to say no. He felt a returning sense of deja vu. (Déjà vu times two?)

_____________________________________________________________

“New topic,” Sam sat forward in his chair and clapped his hands once and rubbed them together, like he was getting ready to place a large bet.  

 

“Oh great.  This is going to be big and scary and I don’t wanna.”

 

“Maybe a little scary, sure, but I think going back to work full-time and moving into your own apartment again is a hell of a lot bigger and scarier.  You can handle this.” 

 

Lia trusted him implicitly.  He had never once steered her wrong and had been a big part of her sustained recovery.  She took a deep breath in through her nose and slowly exhaled through her mouth. “Ok sensei, let me have it.”

 

“Sex.” 

 

Lia cocked her eyebrows and laughed.

 

“Yes, I’ve heard of it, if that’s what you’re asking.”  He was secretly thrilled that she was able to tease him and take ribbing in return.  God was good.

 

“Good, then we’ll start there.  You’ve shared before that you had a very satisfying sexual relationship with Steve.  That is still part of you, Lia. You are a grown woman with….”

 

She cut him off, “If you  _ even _ say I have “needs” I’m going to puke and walk out.  You’ve got to have more original material than that.”  She was smiling as she said it, so he felt he had a bit more room to push.

 

“Ok, then I won’t say you have needs.  I’ll say that sexuality played a big role in your life before the accident, and I’m curious how you fill that ‘need’ now.”  They were so comfortable with each other she didn’t blush, just got thoughtful.

 

“It did play a big part, but some of that was how much we loved each other.  It was the engine that ran everything, including the sex. Which, by the way, was….”

 

His turn to cut  _ her  _ off, “Don’t need to know, really.  I’m good, thanks.” They both chuckled at that one.

 

“Do you think you could have a strictly sexual, no-strings-attached arrangement?” He wanted her to think about these questions.  They were a big part of the next phase of her recovery.

 

“I doubt it.  I’m a person that gets attached.  If I’m going to have sex with someone, I think it would have to be someone I’m dating, that I care about.  Can I tell you something?” He nodded and gestured for her to continue.

 

“Dr. Stark couldn’t guarantee that all my reproductive parts would work again because of the extent of the injuries to my lower body.  All I’ll say is that they work, because though the accident took many things, it left me with my period.” She laughed at his expression of feigned revulsion.  “Not to put too fine a point on it, but the sexual feelings part still works, too.”

 

“Have you had sex since the accident?”  Sam knew the only way to say these things to Lia was sincerely and quickly.

 

“Nope, but me and my vibrator have gotten very close in the last few months.” Lia saw him blush under his dark skin.  “Sorry if that’s TMI.”

 

He coughed into his hand and sipped some water.  “Nope, just unexpected. That’s really good Lia, that you’re not afraid to do that for yourself.  It’s important and nothing to be ashamed of, you know.”

 

“Tell that to my new neighbors.”  Now THAT got him choking on his water.  Lia’s laughter rang out and reverberated in the office.  “I’m just kidding Sam, but damn it was worth getting spit-sprayed to get that reaction.”

 

“I think that’s enough for today, Lia, but I want you to think of one thing before our next session,” she waited while he thought of how to phrase it.

 

“I want you to think what it would take for you to start dating again, to consider exploring a sexual or romantic relationship.  There are no wrong answers, just talking. Is that ok?” She nodded and smiled as she left the office, trying to think of everything  _ but _ dating and sex, as she got in James’s car.  He had offered to drive her and wait since it was pouring rain and she had planned to walk.  

 

His car was warm and she brushed up against him when she rushed inside and shut the door.   _ Stop with the sexy thoughts, Lia. _

 

“Good session?” He looked sideways as he started the car and drove out of the parking lot.  

 

“Yes, thanks.  Talked a lot about the future.”  _ He doesn’t have to know the “future” was of your sex life. He’s still a guy. _

 

When she didn’t say anymore, he left it and dropped her off at home and asked for a rain check on the drink she offered.  Normal everyday thoughts came and went as he made dinner and ate in front of the TV. He wasn’t surprised when he saw Lia’s number on his Caller ID, but he was when no one spoke after he picked up. 

 

“Lia? You there?” He turned off the TV when he heard the choked sob. 

 

“Lia, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” A million awful scenarios fueled his panic. 

 

After her appointment with Sam, Lia thought a lot about what he said. She missed sex, but wasn’t sure about dating yet.  She worked hard to silence the nagging voice of guilt that kept berating her.  _ Didn’t you tell Steve he was the love of your life? You’re already thinking about finding someone else? You are one cold hearted bitch, Lia. Good thing he can’t see you now.   _

 

Well, who would she date? Someone kind, who liked bigger women, who worked at a career he loved, and who could understand and accept that what she went through was part of her forever and not try to erase or compete with Steve’s memory.

 

She daydreamed while she flipped through the mail, including the new issue of an entertainment magazine. Maybe Tom Hiddleston? He seemed nice. She laughed as she casually opened a padded envelope from the State Office of Criminal Investigations.  It wasn’t unusual for her to receive correspondence from them. After her case was decided and closed, she started to receive all the detritus that was created as part of the accident, both the paperwork and the “things” the state no longer needed.

 

When she opened the envelope, she ran to the bathroom and vomited her entire dinner.  She sat on the cold linoleum floor and blankly stared at the contents of the envelope.  After 21 months, she was finally holding her engagement ring. The paperwork enclosed asked for the usual - a notarized signature that served as a receipt. No explanation, no apologies, no understanding that the object some lab tech dropped in this envelope was a talisman, her only tangible proof she was going to be Mrs. Steven Rogers at one point in her life. 

 

She knew she should not be alone. She didn’t want to talk, so Sam was out. There really was only one other person who she could think of that she wanted with her at that moment.  

 

“Lia? You there?”. 

 

“Lia, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” 

 

She didn’t want to scare him, but speaking was difficult. She managed to choke out a sentence. 

 

“James can you come over please? I shouldn’t be alone.”

 

James’s heart pounded in his chest. He grabbed his keys and kept her on the phone while he drove the short distance to her apartment. 

 

When she let him in he put his hand on her arm and she looked at him strangely. “You ran out didn’t you? You don’t have your prosthesis.”  He cracked a grin and continued to hold the flesh arm open. She staggered into him, sobbing. 

 

They walked to the couch and he rubbed her back and held her while she cried it all out. Carefully and cautiously, he asked leading questions until she showed him the ring and explained what had happened. 

 

His heartbeat finally moderated to a somewhat normal rhythm.  She wasn’t injured, she wasn’t suicidal, she was shocked and hurt. He wished he could make all the pain go away. 

 

They lay on her couch, together, Lia snuggling into James’s chest on the right side, so he could stroke her arm and back. They didn’t talk, didn’t watch TV, but they got a perfect view of the city skyline as the rain fell. He looked out the window and took a deep breath, feeling her heart beat in rhythm with the rain, which made his body relax.  As she molded to him, he felt such gratitude that she was here, that she was breathing and living - even that she was crying. He never consciously contemplated the alternative. He knew her body would heal, but her heart, her mind - he often feared she would never find her joy, her smile, herself again. He felt relief sweep through his body at the thought of a future for her, for him, and in the quietest, most secret part of his heart, for them.  

 

“The sound of falling rain is one of my favorites.” She whispered and James caught it. Without thinking he kissed her forehead and immediately froze, waiting for her to object. She didn’t. 

 

“Steve and I planned to go glamping one day.” She chuckled and defined the activity by which you stayed in a spruced up cabin in the woods - no “roughing it” allowed.  “I always thought the height of romantic experience was a night out in the woods in the rain, as long as I was an observer and not out in it.” She chuckled, which was a good sign.

 

“Sounds fun. The only time I was ever in the woods was for a Boy Scout camping trip. Roughing it was the only option. Rain wasn’t romantic, it was a pain in the ass.”

 

“Do you want to know what we talked about at my counseling session today?”

 

“Only if you want to tell me.” 


	14. The End, For Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman. Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful. Will they figure out how to find each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, final chapter! I am blown away by the amazing support, kindness, and effort I have received from all of you, particularly since Chapter 10’s sadness (to put it mildly). The compliments, reblogs, likes, and everything in between have filled me with such joy, and honestly, surprised the heck out of me. Thanks to @HMarvels31 for all her beta-ing, hand holding, and encouragement. Thanks all of you for the virtual love for my story. Thank you for joining Lia and James and Steve on this journey - Steph.
> 
> WHADDYA THINK? A SECOND PART TO THIS STORY? If so, you gotta give me some ideas! :)

 

_ “Do you want to know what we talked about at my counseling session today?” _

 

_ “Only if you want to tell me.”  _

_______________________________________________________

 

“We talked about how I would know if I was ready to date again, to have sex again. I told Sam I had no idea.”

 

_ Oh shit. Please don’t say anything about me. I want you for real - NOT like this.  _

Thankfully, she asked him when he planned to get back out in the dating world, and luckily his “I have no idea” answer satisfied her. 

 

They were quiet again, and James noticed she had fallen asleep.  He woke her when he walked her to bed, his heart bending in half when she held his hand and asked him to stay with her.  He noticed she wore the ring on her right hand. 

 

“Of course, Li.” He grabbed a blanket and a pillow and made up a bed on the couch.  He had a million thoughts, most of them about her, and him, and how maybe one day, things would change.

 

When Lia woke up, the sun was streaming through the window, because she had yet to buy curtains and only had a beach towel slung over the curtain rod.  She smelled coffee and was grateful James had stayed. God, she loved him.  _ What kind of love, huh? You had feelings for him once, BIG feelings.  Are you going down that road again?  _

 

She was not going to take that nonsense lying down.  Her brain was an asshole.  _ Shut up dickwad.  I don’t need to decide that now. _

 

James hadn’t slept well, his mind digesting the evening and his emotions and all the feelings that his body was trying to force on him.  He decided to get up and root around for her coffee maker and supplies. He laughed when he saw that it was the first kitchen appliance she set up.  Thatta girl. He grabbed a cup of coffee, watched the sunrise, and waited for Lia.

 

“Good morning.”  She walked over and sat beside him, stopping for coffee first.  She was wearing the ring on her right hand. 

 

He responded, equally calm. “Morning Li.  How are you?” He kept looking outside and occasionally moving his eyes to her.

 

“Much better, thanks.  It was a gut punch to get some random unmarked envelope with something inside I never thought I’d see again.  I’m glad to have it, though. I’ve spent a lot of mental energy thinking about in the last 21 months.” She leaned her head on the residual limb on his left side.

 

_ Oh wow, she’s leaning on my stump and isn’t grossed out.  She is something.  _

 

_ No.  She is everything. _

 

“J, I want to say two things to you. One, thanks again for swooping in and rescuing me last night.  Two, I’m sorry you had to do it. Again. I’m way too dependent on you, and you’re enabling me, letting me take advantage of your kindness.  I can’t keep being so selfish.”

 

James felt like she had slapped him.  “Li, are you saying you don’t want to hang out anymore?”  _ I hope not. _

 

“No.  I’m not saying that.  I would miss you too much.  You’re my best friend, J., but you can’t have a life if I keep sucking up all your time and energy.  I needed you so much at the beginning, and still do, but…..it’s not fair that I keep leaning on you and monopolizing your time.”

 

“Li, that’s not what’s happening here.  There’s no time limit on trauma and recovery, you’ve told me that.  You’re  _ my _ best friend and I don’t want to stop hanging out.”  She pursed her lips.  _ Uh oh.  She’s about to start arguing. _

 

“Thank you.  How about a compromise?  That I expand my network of people I call in a crisis, with you in regular rotation, and we continue to hang out socially and of course, as work spouses.”

 

_ Phew.  Ok, you can live with that. _

 

“Good deal, I can live with that.  Speaking of, there’s a cool farmer’s market today that has THE best produce, and it’s right near here.  Wanna join me?”

 

“Only if you let me buy and cook for you later.”  He begrudgingly agreed.

 

She put the ring away, planning to take it to the jeweler for cleaning and repair and possible resetting into earrings or a necklace.  She needed some time for that decision.

 

The day was gorgeous and they spent it outside, laughing and shopping, comparing their purchases on a park bench and then heading back to her house.  Lia shared her summer plans of the therapy dog program and James had more questions than she could answer. She always appreciated how much he paid attention, it was a wonderful trait.

 

He had excused himself to go home in order to wash up and change and get his prosthesis, and Lia went home to do the same (minus the arm) and start cooking.  When he arrived later in the evening, wearing a dark blue button-down shirt and black jeans with his hair pulled back she caught herself from taking an audible breath.  He was beautiful. 

 

When he arrived and she opened the door wearing a flowery dress and her curly hair pulled back, James’s heart and body reacted before he could think.  She was gorgeous.  He could tell that she was coming back into her own, enjoying life the way she used to, with the softness back in her face and hips.  Not that he looked at her hips that much ( _ yeah, you’re much more interested in her ass _ ), but life had started to fill in the places that the sadness and pain took away.   It made her that much more Lia, that much more beautiful.

 

Dinner was comfortably quiet, both of them thinking about how relaxed and easy the day had been.  James had to stop himself from reaching out for her hand, and it was damned hard. Lia had to stop herself from moving the hair that escaped from his bun away from his eyes, which was more effort than she thought it would be.

 

She kissed his cheek when he left and while she finished cleaning up, found her way to bed, with only one man on her mind.  James. It didn’t take long between her fingers and her vibrator to be rocked by a very intense orgasm as she imagined his lips on her neck and his hands all over her body.   _ Oh boy _ .

 

James arrived home and his flesh hand found his very excited dick, which now had the freedom to get as excited as it wanted.  It didn’t take long for him to spill all over his hand with Lia’s face in his mind and her name on his lips.  _ Oh boy. _

When she saw Sam next, she told him everything - about her thoughts on his dating question, the ring, and her day with James, with the last part about the orgasm left out.

 

“Wanna know how crazy I am, Sam?”  He lifted an eyebrow and motioned for her to continue speaking.

 

“I feel guilty that I don’t feel guilty about being attracted to James.”  She laughed softly, sadly.

 

“Yup, I get it.  That’s not how you should judge your level of crazy - there are many other reasons for that.” He checked her face to make sure she knew it was a joke.  She did.

 

She had to tell him everything.  It was the only way she would feel ok about it.  

 

“What else you got on your mind, Lia?  You have your thinking look going right now.”

 

She smiled softly, secure in the knowledge he knew everything important about her - good and bad.  “James has been my best friend for years. I had feelings for him before I met Steve, which Steve knew about.  We’ve stayed friends, and he’s become an irreplaceable part of my life since then. You and he were the reason I am here today, relatively sane.” She checked to make sure he knew that was a joke.  He did.

 

“My problem is, I don’t know if what I’m feeling is real attraction and emotions or because he’s been there for me since the accident.” 

 

“Does it matter which one it is?”

 

Lia rolled her eyes and smirked.  “What an original therapy technique, turning the question on the patient.” She used air quotes, “The answer was inside you all the time.” Sam roared with laughter.

 

“You’re not wrong, but that doesn’t mean the question is not valid.”

 

She took a semi-deep breath. “I don’t want to just have sex with him, though I  _ do _ want to do that, too….all sorts of…” she waggled her eyebrows while he crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared.

 

“I know what you’re doing Lia.  You’re trying to put me off the scent.  You know me, has that ever worked?”

 

She ducked her head and looked up through her batting eyelashes, a wide overly-dramatic smile on her face.  He couldn’t help softening. She giggled, “Well, it’s worked once or twice, but that was when you didn’t know what an awful patient I am.”

 

She took a deep breath. “Ok, enough fooling around.  Seriously, I want to be more than friends with him, I have sexual feelings towards him, but I want to see if there’s more there.  The “What’s wrong with that” is that if it doesn’t work it’ll be like losing another pillar of my life. I don’t think I could survive a second time.  My question is if it’s worth it.”

 

He took a breath and gave his honest and professional opinion.  “I think it is worth it. You and James have been friends a long time, you know each other truly and deeply and it’s obvious he’s got staying power.  Yeah, there are a bunch of “ifs.” He took another breath, deeper this time. “Now I’m going to give you my personal opinion, as a person who has grown to care about you and your happiness.  Is that ok?”

 

“Of course, Sam.  I would hope you would.”

 

“I think you should go for it.  It’s clear your feelings for James aren’t only physical, though there wouldn’t be anything wrong with that, either.”

 

She was quiet, but smiling.  “Thanks, Sam. It always feel more real after I talk with you.”  She hugged him before leaving and texted James.

 

**Lia A:** Are you planning on going to Madison’s wedding?

 

Maddie and Jon’s daughter Madison had interned in her classroom, had been in regular contact with Lia since the accident, and was about to marry her long-time boyfriend.  The entire early childhood team had been invited, and the wedding was in a couple of weeks. She needed, no, wanted, a plus one. She hoped James wanted the job.

The next few weeks were spent arranging and rearranging her apartment, getting back in the groove of work, and having swoony sweaty dreams about James.

 

Lia’s first few weeks back at work quickly felt like a new normal for James.  He noticed her lingering looks, her smile, her light but regular touches when they were near each other.  Those spurred many evenings that ended with him cleaning up in the shower.

 

Hope was growing inside her.  He had agreed to go with her to the wedding.

 

Hope was growing inside him.  She had asked him to go Madison’s wedding with her.

 

The week before, Lia realized she had nothing to wear that was suitable for a late spring wedding.  All the planning work was done, so Maddie invited herself to go shopping with Lia.

 

As they looked through racks of dresses at a vintage clothing store, Maddie kept looking at her with “The Look.”  Lia had seen that look many times, and it always meant Maddie wanted you to ask her what she was thinking. She ignored it, delighted to be grinding her friend’s gears.

 

“So…….” Lia was trying on dresses, so Maddie had  a captive audience.  _ Damn _ .  

 

“Madison told me that you and James are going to the wedding together.”  There was condemnation in her voice.

 

“Yes, didn’t I tell you that?  I must’ve forgotten in the rush of returning to work and moving and everything.  Sorry.”

 

“You don’t honestly think that’s going to get you off the hook, is it? Think again. Spill.”

 

“There’s nothing to “spill” Mads.  We were both going, I asked if he would go with me. Conspiracy theory debunked.”

 

“Well, don’t think I believe that for a second.  I’ve seen the looks between the two of you, and you with your casual touching.  It’s a bit deja vu-ish, if you ask me.”

 

Lia got quiet behind the changing room door. Maddie started to worry.  

 

“Lia? You ok, love?”  She gasped as Lia opened the door and saw the dress to end all dresses.

 

“Love, you look brilliant. Stunning. Perfect. Gorgeous.” 

 

Lia blushed, “Thanks Maddie, it seems perfect,” she smiled shyly, “Do you think he’ll like it?”

 

There was honest-to-goodness dancing, fist pumping, and shrieking that required Lia to shush Maddie in the middle of the dressing room.  “I KNEW IT!!! I. AM. THE. QUEEN. OF. LOVE!” Now it was Lia’s turn to laugh.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Lia spent the morning getting her hair, nails, and makeup done and was taken aback when she saw the finished product.  She looked completely different, she was alive and happy. Her glam squad carefully hugged her as she left. They knew all about the last 22 months, and were elated to see Lia coming back to life.  As she drove home with the windows up, she had very real, very sweet images of Steve run through her mind. She thought of him often, but not constantly as she once did. She imagined his compliments, his hunger at seeing her, his anticipation of getting her clothes off so he could take her.   She smiled to herself. Her heart wasn’t sore and fragile as much as loving and happy when his face came to her, and that was ok. That was good.

 

James was nervous.  Like holy-shit-maybe-she’ll-let-me-kiss-her-tonight nervous.   _ Breathe you idiot.  She can’t kiss you if you pass out. _  His beard was trimmed to a neat stubble, his hair long, but pushed behind his ears, and his suit was pressed.  When he was almost out the door, he remembered the flowers he bought, and grabbed them before heading over.

 

She buzzed him in just as she slipped the dress on and added one of her favorite pairs of earrings, fire opals ringed in gold - small, but brilliant, left to her by her great aunt.  Her smile was real, true, and happy when she saw her reflection in the mirror. She got butterflies in her stomach when he knocked, but pushed them aside and opened the door with confidence.

 

James stopped cold, like stopped breathing.  He didn’t know what he expected, but he couldn’t have imagined anyone looking more beautiful than she did.  The floor-length deep purple dress had a gauzy skirt that flowed as she walked and a wraparound top with black lace peeking through.  Her hair, her makeup - he had never been so lovestruck.

 

Lia was stunned.  Again. He…...he…….was a dream that looked so good it couldn’t be real.  His shirt matched her dress (he had asked, sigh), and his tie was a beautiful silvery gray.  She wanted to run her hands through his stubble and bring his face to her body so she could feel the burn of it everywhere.  His hair was combed behind his ears, but all she could think of was it in his face as he looked down from above her. She swallowed hard.  Really hard.

 

“Lia.  You are gorgeous.”  She blushed and welcomed him in, pecking him on the cheek thanking him as he handed her the small bouquet of deep pink and deep orange Gerbera daisies - her favorite flower.  

 

“You look very handsome, James.  Guess we both clean up pretty well, huh?”

 

The car ride was quiet, but tense, in a fun, expectant way.  They arrived just a few minutes before Madison walked down the aisle, and Lia cried happy tears for her.  James covered her hand with his right one, and quietly asked if she was ok. She turned to him and touched his cheek with her other hand and assured him she was fine, just ridiculously sentimental and happy for them both.

 

There was always time between the ceremony and the reception to allow for pictures, and James took advantage of the wait to explore the reception space - a gorgeous tented area on the water, with the sound of foghorns far away.  He checked in with Lia, who was chatting with a group of co-workers, and went to get them something to drink, when he bumped into Luke and his wife. They shook hands and Luke made the introductions. He looked dashing in his dark suit and his wife was beautiful in her dress.

 

“You here by yourself, James?” He smiled, knowingly.

 

_ Maddie _ .  Lia had told him that she knew they were coming together and was none too happy that the information did not come from either of them.   _ Oh well _ .

 

“I came with Lia, she’s over there.”  He pointed to her general area and like a 6th sense, she turned and smiled when she saw him.

 

“Is that the teacher you told me about? The one in the accident?” His wife asked gently and kindly, clearly a caring woman.  Luke quickly explained and clapped his hand on James’s shoulder while leaning in to speak privately.

 

“James, if you don’t tell that woman tonight how you feel, I’m going to spell it out for her when we get back from the long weekend.  She looks alive and happy and beautiful and she looked at you with all that in her eyes. There’s no mistaking how she feels, and I  _ know _ how you feel.”

 

James didn’t play off or deny what Luke said, because he was right.  He wondered if he looked at her the same way. There wasn’t time to find out, as the DJ was telling everyone to take their seats and welcome the wedding party.  James jogged over to Lia and pulled out her chair, sitting in between her and Barbara, the music therapist they worked with.

Without a trace of sarcasm or mischief, Barb leaned over to him to speak.  “She looks so gorgeous, so happy tonight, James. Thank you. You’re a big part of that.”

 

He turned, smiled, and kissed her cheek.  Lia was absorbed in the introduction of the bride and groom and their first dance.  James just wanted to dance with Lia, tell her how he felt, prayed that his gut was right, that she felt the same, but he had to endure the meal and the fun first.  

 

Finally, it was time.  The DJ opened up the dance floor.  James looked, but Lia was nowhere to be found.  Of course.  _ The water _ .  He walked out of the tented dance floor and found her watching the water as it lay still and calm, the little circles on top a reminder that fish swam just under the surface.  He tried to make a bit of noise to alert her that he was there and as he came up behind her, he touched her shoulder. She was crying - soft, tiny tears that dropped onto her hands. 

 

“What’s wrong, Li? Are you ok?”  She turned to him and it seemed it was the first time she realized he was there.

 

She sniffed and used the tissue in her hand as she turned to him.  “Yes, I’m ok. While they were dancing I got this wave of nostalgia and I needed a minute to feel it and move on.”

 

“Ready to come back and dance with me? You look too beautiful to not show you off.”  Even though it was dark, he knew her face had darkened with the compliment.

 

She nodded and held his hand as they walked back.  He waited patiently while she put down her clutch and put on her shawl to combat the cooling night air.  She took his offered hand with massive butterflies, no, hummingbirds, in her stomach and let him lead. He held one of her hands in his prosthetic and the other went around her waist.  Part of his arm rested on her hip and her closeness was becoming overwhelming. As another slow song played, he spoke with a tremor in his voice.

 

“Thank you for asking me to come with you tonight, Li.  I’m having a great time.” Lia moved her head from his shoulder and looked at him questioningly.

 

“You ok?”  He cleared his throat and nodded.

 

“Absolutely, just nervous.”  Again, the questioning face, accompanied by real concern.  “Not about anything bad, something good.” She waited, which impressed him.  She hated waiting.

 

“When you opened the door to your apartment tonight, you took my breath away.  You looked so happy, so relaxed, so full of life. All I could think of was pulling you close and kissing you.”  Her face went directly to goofy-happy without making a single stop at upset or nervous.

 

“So why didn’t you?” Her smile was widening, pushing up her glasses and crinkling her nose.  He sighed, out loud. It was his favorite smile in the world, bar none.

 

So he did.  He held her hand to his chest and pulled her as close as he could and kissed her slowly and chastely.  She responded the same way and hid her head in his shoulder when they were applauded by coworkers and friends.  Even Madison and her new husband got in on it, which made it spread throughout the reception. After humoring them for a minute, he leaned into her and asked if she’d like to leave.  She looked at him and without any hesitation grabbed her clutch and said goodnight to their friends. They were going to talk anyway, so might as well give them something to talk about.

 

As soon as they got past the throng of guests and party goers, James turned her towards him and kissed her again, but this time it was hard, hungry, possessive.  She didn’t think at all before opening her mouth and letting his tongue inside. She grabbed the back of his hair and pulled him as close as she could before breaking the kiss to breathe.

 

“James, how fast can we get to your apartment? It’s closer than mine.”  James never moved so fast or drove with such contained focus. He knew Lia still got anxious about speeding, so he kept the speedometer completely within the limit.  They didn’t talk, but Lia kept her hand on his thigh, with the occasional squeeze to remind him she was there, she was fine.

 

“Wait.  Don’t move.” He jumped out of the driver’s side and ran around to hers, gently pulling her out and towards him, kissing her like his life depended on it.  He was starting to think it did. It was late and thankfully, the elevator was deserted, as James let his stubble run along her cheek and neck while he kissed her.   _ Fantasy #1 - check. _

 

“Just give me a minute, ok?” She tucked inside his bathroom and quickly undressed, beyond grateful she had gone for sexy rather than sturdy undergarments.  She quickly gargled with his mouthwash, removed her makeup so as not to smear it wherever her mouth and face was going to be, and fluffed up her hair. When she opened the door to his bedroom, he had his jacket off and was looking out the window.  She came up behind him and circled his waist, his hands grabbing hers. He turned and practically destroyed her right then and there with a deep, sexy moan that seemed to reverberate through her. 

 

He kissed her and she noticed her cheeks felt wet.  Had crying become such a regular occurrence for her that she couldn’t even recognize when it happened?  She felt her own face then saw the tears belonged to James. She questioned him and kissed them away, while his hands and lips and tongue became increasingly insistent.  She started loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt, but stopped, unsure about his prosthetic.

 

“James, show me what to do, please.” She kissed his shoulder, his bicep, and the residual portion of his arm after he showed her how he took off the artificial appendage.  He grabbed her with his flesh arm and kissed her with a fierceness she had never suspected of him, but liked. She quickly got the rest of his clothes off, with the exception of his boxer briefs, which must have been made by NASA they were restraining such an incredible force.  

 

James was lost in her.  No one had ever treated his arm with such reverence, such care.  He asked her to lay down on his bed and he crawled over her, kissing every square inch of her beautiful, sexy body that he’d dreamed about for so long.  He told her all these things between kisses, as he pulled off her cami and panties and looked at her below him, blushing, beautiful, bewitching. 

 

“Lia, are you sure? You can tell me to stop, if you want. I will.”  Her heart soared with his declaration, but she giggled.

 

“Unless you want to stop, I will not be asking you to do that.  I’ve waited too long for this. C’mere.” It took some adjusting for their bodies, but once they got the hang of it, Lia pulled him to her so he laid on top of her, while she pushed off his briefs and gazed in wonder at him.  He was beautiful, everywhere. She could not wait to have him.

 

“James, please.  Do me a favor, take me until I am an incoherent babbling mess - at least more so than usual.” He smiled wickedly and started to descend towards her pelvis, but she stopped him.  “Later. You can do that later. Right now, I just need  _ you. _ ”

 

He could not believe what he just heard. He was  _ the _ luckiest man alive.

 

He planted himself between her legs and leaned forward, kissing her.  She sat up and gently pushed him up to kneeling, and slowly licked the dripping pre-cum off of the head of his straining, almost-painful erection.  She pumped him at the base while swirling her tongue at the top, taking more and more in her mouth. He could not stop looking at her, could not believe she was there, with him, this way.  It was almost more than his brain could process.

 

“Lia, stop, let me get a condom.” She kneeled up and opened the nightstand drawer, then mirrored his position and put her arms around his neck to kiss him.  They both moaned as their upper bodies found each other and fit like they were made for that exact purpose. 

 

James could not contain himself, he was in sensory overload.  Her skin felt like silk, like a cloud, like everything beautiful and soft and smooth in the world.  He knew that if she didn’t get the condom on now, they weren’t going to need it. He gently took it from her and tore it open with his teeth, slipping it on as she laid back and waited for him.  His heart was beating so hard that he could barely hear her when she told him to do what he wanted.

 

Lia was electrified, almost desperate for James to enter her.  Now that they had started this, it was everything she wanted and waiting was torture.  He leaned on his right arm, his bicep straining as he supported his entire upper body. 

 

“Tell me what to do, I want to help.”  He kissed her.

 

“You’ve done everything.  You’re here and you want me, want this.  Enjoy.”

 

He wanted to be slow, gentle, give her time to adjust to his size, but she was having none of it.  She was dripping, and as soon as he started to enter her, she pushed her hips up to take him deeper.  He could have died at that moment and been completely content. To feel Lia clench around him, beg him to go deeper, harder, faster, was every fantasy he’d ever had rolled into one, with one exception.  He never thought she would make those sounds - they would be on repeat in his brain forever.

 

Lia could not stop telling him how good he felt, how much she wanted him.  She couldn’t control the sounds that escaped her lips - moans bordering on screams, grunts that were almost shouts, whines that she was pretty sure had never left her lips before.  She smiled when she saw James above her, his hair in front of his eyes and tickling her face.  _ Fantasy #2 - check. _

 

She reached between them and started circling her clit, and at that sight James thrusted.

 

“Oh God Lia…..I’m gonna…..I can’t stop” he was gasping as he came deep, sweating and shuddering.  His last movement plus her fingers broke through her with an intensity she hadn’t felt in a very long time.  She felt herself gush and every last ounce of composure leave with the high. James dropped to the bed, the energy he expended much greater than hers.  They’d have to figure that out, but not right now. 

 

He ran his fingers through her hair and whispered in a rough voice. “C’mere. I need you.”  

 

She eagerly complied, snuggling into his chest and so grateful for this second chance - with him, for them, for her.  He murmured his thoughts, his thanks...and she knew without “the” word spoken….his love.

 

In the quiet a feeling was making its presence known, but she wasn’t surprised or upset.  She was going to cry the first time she had sex after a trauma - what a cliche. Yup, the “sweetly sad music in the background as the filtered moonlight sweeps through the bedroom” movie trope.  

 

She held back, waiting for James to sleep, which happened quickly.  She kissed his cheek, slipped out from his grasp, and smiled as he turned over, eventually retrieving her underwear from its far-flung spot on the floor.  She made her way to the bathroom, then the living room, wanting to put distance between her and her sleeping boyfriend. That felt right, actually. Boyfriend.  She grabbed one of his zip-up fleece jackets from the hook by the door, opened the window and sat on the ledge, staring out and letting the memories and tears come, not trying to prevent them from falling.  

 

It was weird but welcome that she felt right, happy, blissful.  This was as it should be now, with James, and she didn’t feel guilty or overwrought.  She didn’t see Steve as much as feel his love, his calm, his protectiveness. It was with great relief that Steve  _ and _ James could live together in her heart, each owning their own parts,  and she felt even, equal, and stronger because of it. 

 

“Li? You ok babe?” She heard him whisper from where he stood on the bedroom threshold.  He had his sweats on, but nothing else and was breathtaking. She turned to him, tears gone, heart full, and body ready for him again.

 

“Absolutely.  How about you?”  She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, kissing him.  He returned it, moaning as she opened her mouth and let him sweep his tongue through it.  She kissed his neck, his cheeks, his lips and was no longer broken. She was healed. She was his.

 


End file.
